Keep Showing Up

We don’t have realistic expectations for how hard marriage really is on a day-to-day basis.

They say that opposites attract. But over time, those same personality quirks and different ways of looking at life can be the exact same things about our husbands that drive us up the wall! When that happens, it's natural to look at our partner and wonder, "What happened to him?" But really, we should be taking a look in the mirror and asking ourselves if our expectations for marriage were realistic in the first place.

The key message here is: We don’t have realistic expectations for how hard marriage really is on a day-to-day basis.

When we first get engaged, we have a very sunny picture of what our lives are going to be like. We see our married friends posting pictures of domestic bliss on Instagram and Facebook. Nobody ever posts pictures of themselves arguing over dinner or struggling to get the kids ready for school. Hollywood's idea of marriage is even worse. We see bickering couples on sitcoms all the time. But those fights are played for laughs and resolved in less than half an hour. And sometimes it seems like half an hour is about how long most celebrity marriages last. Divorce is made to look like a quick fix to all of life's problems. None of these things encourage couples to stick together and work it out. This all builds up and reinforces the false ideas about marriage we had in the first place.

Another common issue is that we look at our marriage from only our own point of view. But, of course, your marriage can't just be about you. Remember in the Bible, God created Eve from Adam's rib. Not his leg or his arm. She was made from his side, showing us that they were meant to be equal partners. Both of them were necessary to make their partnership work. It's the same with you and your husband. You both have to work at having a successful marriage.

To help reframe your point of view, ask yourself this: Why did you get married? The book of Ephesians tells us what the Biblical purpose of marriage is when it says, "The two will become one flesh…I am talking about Christ and the church." This means husband and wife aren't just one physically. They're one spiritually. Marriage is meant to be an illustration of the relationship between Jesus and the church, one of pure selflessness. Your selfless, monogamous, complementary relationship with your husband demonstrates God's divine plan to the world.

Once we accept the fact that marriage is a difficult, long-term project requiring two people who are willing to work together, we can start looking at things a little differently.