Powerful ideas from top nonfiction
Try Blinkist to get the key ideas from 7,000+ bestselling nonfiction titles and podcasts. Listen or read in just 15 minutes.
Start your free trial
Blink 3 of 8 - The 5 AM Club
by Robin Sharma
Listen to the Intro
Opening Up summary
Tristan Taormino
A Guide to Creating and Sustaining Open Relationships
23 mins
Brief summary
Opening Up by Tristan Taormino is a guidebook for individuals and couples interested in exploring consensual non-monogamy.
It provides practical advice on communication, negotiation, and building strong relationships in ethical non-monogamous communities.
Table of Contents
Opening Up
Summary of 8 key ideas
Audio & text in the Blinkist app
Key idea 1 of 8
It’s a myth that one person can fulfill all our needs and desires.
Most of us grow up believing a very compelling fairy tale: that we’ll grow up to meet The One, get married, and then live happily ever.
We’ve been taught that our soulmate should be all things to us. This magical person will be able to support us, share our political enthusiasms and interests, be the perfect coparent to our children, and even be our best friend. No wonder so many marriages end in divorce these days. That’s a huge amount of pressure to put on just one person!
The key message here is: It’s a myth that one person can fulfill all our needs and desires.
One of the most damaging myths about monogamous relationships is the idea that once we find a life partner, we’ll never so much as desire anybody else, because this partner will fulfill all of our sexual needs.
This belief is damaging because it completely ignores how human sexuality works. Of course we don’t stop being attracted to other people after we get married! And of course one person can’t always fulfill all our desires. After all, our sexual tastes can change. Maybe, in our sixties, we’ll develop an interest in being spanked. Or maybe a bout of depression will kill our sex drive for a while.
In traditional monogamous relationships, people start feeling guilty when they are attracted to other people. This means that they either bottle up those feelings or they resort to cheating. Cheating is common; a poll conducted in 2007 reported that half of the 70,000 respondents admitted to being unfaithful in their relationships. And cheating is as effective a way to sabotage a relationship as ceasing to share your true feelings.
Luckily, there is another option. You can be honest with yourself and your partner, and accept that, in fact, one person can’t fulfill your every need. You will be attracted to other people. And sometimes you’ll feel dissatisfied in your relationship.
Once you’ve accepted that, you have options. You can actively choose monogamy and embrace your relationship with realistic expectations, or you can have a conversation with your partner about opening up your relationship to other people.
Either way, having realistic expectations will be hugely beneficial for your relationship. Instead of believing in a fairy tale, you can appreciate what you have. And even better, you can start actively building the kind of relationship that suits you.
Want to see all full key ideas from Opening Up?
Key ideas in Opening Up
More knowledge in less time
Read or listen
Get the key ideas from nonfiction bestsellers in minutes, not hours.
Find your next read
Get book lists curated by experts and personalized recommendations.
Shortcasts New
We’ve teamed up with podcast creators to bring you key insights from podcasts.
What is Opening Up about?
Opening Up (2008) demystifies nonmonogamous relationships, and shows that there are many different ways of creating loving partnerships and building alternative families. By opening up their relationships, people can explore hidden desires, have lots of fun, and radically improve their self-awareness and communication skills.
Who should read Opening Up?
- Open-minded thinkers who want to learn how to improve their relationships
- Lovers who want to learn to communicate their desires more honestly
- People exploring their sexuality
Categories with Opening Up
Book summaries like Opening Up
People ❤️ Blinkist
Sven O.
It's highly addictive to get core insights on personally relevant topics without repetition or triviality. Added to that the apps ability to suggest kindred interests opens up a foundation of knowledge.
Thi Viet Quynh N.
Great app. Good selection of book summaries you can read or listen to while commuting. Instead of scrolling through your social media news feed, this is a much better way to spend your spare time in my opinion.
Jonathan A.
Life changing. The concept of being able to grasp a book's main point in such a short time truly opens multiple opportunities to grow every area of your life at a faster rate.
Renee D.
Great app. Addicting. Perfect for wait times, morning coffee, evening before bed. Extremely well written, thorough, easy to use.
People also liked these summaries
4.7 Stars
Average ratings on iOS and Google Play
29 Million
Downloads on all platforms
10+ years
Experience igniting personal growth