Sacred Marriage Book Summary - Sacred Marriage Book explained in key points

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Sacred Marriage summary

Name: Sacred Marriage
Rating: 3.2 (256 reviews)
Author: Gary L. Thomas

Gary L. Thomas

What If God Designed Marriage to Make Us Holy More Than to Make Us Happy?

3.2 (256 ratings)

21 mins

Table of Contents

Sacred Marriage
summarized in 7 key ideas

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Key idea 1 of 7

Grow closer to your spouse to grow closer to God.

Hands up if you thought marriage was going to be just like the movies: endless love, cuddles, and deep connection. And now hands up if you’re facing reality – that marriage is also daily struggles, challenges, and mundane routine.

OK, so marriage doesn’t guarantee pure bliss. But it was never meant to be easy. That’s because marriage is, at its core, a pathway to greater holiness. A union between two people requires humility, compassion, and sacrifice – the same principles that Jesus lived by.

These blinks show you how to gain spiritual insight from your relationship in the best and worst of times. In getting closer to your spouse, you’ll get closer to God and be filled with a renewed sense of love and purpose.

In these blinks, you’ll learn

how loving your spouse pleases God;
how embracing difficulty builds character; and
how sex can nourish your spirituality.

The ultimate purpose of marriage isn’t happiness, but holiness.

Marriage is an adventure. In saying “I do,” you’re embarking on a journey with your spouse. Along the way, you’ll experience thrilling highs. But, as any long-married couple knows, you’re also likely to face periods of monotony and hardship.

When things get tough, partners sometimes descend into hurtful warfare – and blame each other for the discontent. Others cut their losses and break up, hoping to find romance again with a new partner.

Use your marriage to practice the Christian virtues of love and respect.

There were once two wheat farmers who were brothers. One was married and had a big family; the other was single. Every day, the brothers worked in their fields together and milled the grain they’d harvested. Every evening, they’d divide their grain equally and take their portion home. And every night, worrying about the other’s well-being, each of the brothers would secretly add some of their own grain to the other’s stores.

During one of these night missions, the brothers ran into each other – and embraced as realization hit. As the old rabbinical story goes, God saw the event unfold and proclaimed the site of their embrace a holy place – a place of love. This was where his temple should be built.

Your marriage can expose sin – and teach forgiveness.

Dating can sometimes feel like a game. In an effort to be liked – loved, even – you might present an idealized version of yourself. This can lead to big surprises down the line when you’re married. All of a sudden, you’re together night and day and can no longer hide your flaws. Your spouse is essentially a full-length mirror.

Yes, marriage can be challenging. But often, it’s not because you’re uncovering uncomfortable things about your partner. It’s because you’re finally seeing your true self. Marriage unmasks your faults, your selfish attitudes, your weaknesses. It asks you to consider yourself honestly – and to renounce your sin, be purified, and grow in godliness.

Marital challenges present the opportunity to build perseverance and character.

Ever feel your marriage is neither good nor bad . . . it just is? The feeling of sameness is normal – and, due to medical advances and increasing life expectancy, there’s a lot more potential for it than ever before. In 1911, marriage spanned an average of 28 years; by 1967, that had shot up to 42 years. Today, it’s possible to be married for six, seven, even eight decades.

Marriage is then, by definition, an act of perseverance. In 2 Thessalonians 5, Paul urges Christians to let the Lord direct their hearts into God’s love as well as Christ’s perseverance. By sticking with your spouse through the good, the bad, and the blah, you can mirror the character of Jesus.

Emulate Jesus by embracing sacrifice and serving your spouse.

Self-care is all the rage these days. We’re bombarded with so many egocentric messages – “focus on yourself,” “set boundaries,” “you do you” – that the idea of submitting to anyone else seems almost radical. To many of us, the words “relationship” and “sacrifice” just don’t belong in the same sentence.

But in Philippians 2, Paul encourages us to value others more than ourselves and to focus on others' interests in addition to our own. It’s time to stop viewing independence as a sign of strength and interdependence as a weakness. In the eyes of God, servanthood and sacrifice are the pinnacle of greatness.

Invite God’s presence into your daily life through righteous communication.

Christian spirituality isn’t about embarking on a quest for new experiences, esoteric wisdom, or enlightenment. It’s about passionately pursuing God – and living in constant awareness of God's presence. God is always present, waiting with words of affirmation, encouragement, and, inevitably, challenge. You just need to tune in.

This pursuit of God’s presence has led many individuals to convents and monasteries. A quiet, hermetic life, they believe, will enable them to be closest. So how can a married person use the daily rush and family chaos as a reminder of God’s presence? It’s simple: communication.

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What is Sacred Marriage about?

Sacred Marriage (2000) is an exploration of how to bring God into your marriage. Probing the boundaries of love, it provides practical advice and spiritual wisdom to help you and your marriage transcend to a holier place.

Who should read Sacred Marriage?

Christian newlyweds seeking long-term marriage advice
Spiritual spouses struggling to find happiness in their relationship
Couples craving a deeper connection and higher purpose

About the Author

Gary Thomas’s work focuses on how the wisdom of the scriptures can be integrated into our modern lives. He’s a professor at Western Seminary in Portland, Oregon; the author of multiple books; and a frequent guest on the podcast FamilyLife Today.

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