The ADHD Effect on Marriage Book Summary - The ADHD Effect on Marriage Book explained in key points
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The ADHD Effect on Marriage summary

Melissa Orlov

Understand and Rebuild Your Relationship in Six Steps

4.4 (190 ratings)
17 mins

Brief summary

The ADHD Effect on Marriage by Melissa Orlov delves into the impact of ADHD on relationships, providing practical advice and strategies for individuals and couples to navigate the challenges and strengthen their bond.
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    The ADHD Effect on Marriage
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    Step one: Start with empathy

    As humans, the lens through which we view the world is so second nature that we often believe everyone in our lives shares our perspective. In reality, however, our points of view are highly individual. So, something obvious to you might be a complete mystery to your beloved.

    That’s why making empathy a habit is the first crucial step in rebuilding your relationship with your partner – irrespective of who has ADHD. The partner with ADHD might not realize the impact their behaviors have on their relationship. And the other partner won’t necessarily understand how differently they process information, or how their partner struggles every day with things that seem effortless to others.

    People with ADHD often feel different, ashamed, unlovable, and afraid of failure. Every day, they must navigate through the world with a constantly buzzing mind that prevents them from distinguishing what’s important to focus on and what isn’t a priority. Being relentlessly barraged by so much information is overwhelming, and can easily lead to panic.

    At the same time, their partner often feels neglected or unappreciated because the partner with ADHD doesn’t help with household chores, complete projects they initiate, or is chronically late and forgetful. Their frustration and resentment build, as the partner without ADHD takes on more and more household responsibilities. Soon, they feel like a parent, not a partner.

    But people can better manage their habits and behaviors when they feel safe and loved – no matter how their brain operates. That’s why every couple must begin with empathy.

    One way to cultivate empathy in your relationship is through letter writing. If you have ADHD, write a letter to your partner explaining what it’s like to live with your mile-a-minute brain. Stay focused on your experiences and feelings, not your marriage or relationship. This will offer your partner a glimpse of what you deal with every day, explaining that your behaviors aren’t the result of laziness or self-interest. Use your letter as a way to start a conversation where both of you can be curious about the other’s perspective in an open, non-judgmental way.

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    What is The ADHD Effect on Marriage about?

    The ADHD Effect on Marriage (2010) sheds light on the way that Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD) affects individuals and impacts established relationships. By providing insight into typical behavioral tendencies, it offers couples a framework in which to move beyond unhelpful patterns and re-establish a loving relationship.  

    The ADHD Effect on Marriage Review

    The ADHD Effect on Marriage (2010) delves into the impact of ADHD on romantic relationships and provides valuable insights for couples struggling with this issue. Here's why this book is worth reading:

    • The book offers practical strategies and solutions to help couples navigate the unique challenges that ADHD can bring to a marriage.
    • Backed by research and personal anecdotes, it provides a deep understanding of how ADHD can affect communication, intimacy, and overall relationship dynamics.
    • With its honest and empathetic approach, the book provides hope and encouragement for couples, showing that there is indeed a path to a stronger, happier relationship.

    Who should read The ADHD Effect on Marriage?

    • People with ADHD struggling to foster a happy relationship
    • Anyone wanting to improve their relationship with their ADHD partner
    • Therapists looking to better support clients with ADHD and their partners

    About the Author

    Melissa Orlov is a marriage counselor who specializes in supporting couples facing relationship challenges due to ADHD. She is the founder of and the author of award-winning books including The Couple’s Guide to Thriving with ADHD. Her work has been featured on mainstream media, including in The New York Times and on CNN.

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    The ADHD Effect on Marriage FAQs 

    What is the main message of The ADHD Effect on Marriage?

    The main message of The ADHD Effect on Marriage is to help couples understand and manage the challenges of ADHD in their relationship.

    How long does it take to read The ADHD Effect on Marriage?

    The reading time for The ADHD Effect on Marriage varies depending on the reader, but it typically takes several hours. The Blinkist summary can be read in just 15 minutes.

    Is The ADHD Effect on Marriage a good book? Is it worth reading?

    The ADHD Effect on Marriage is a valuable read for couples dealing with ADHD. It offers practical insights and strategies for improving relationships.

    Who is the author of The ADHD Effect on Marriage?

    The author of The ADHD Effect on Marriage is Melissa Orlov.

    What to read after The ADHD Effect on Marriage?

    If you're wondering what to read next after The ADHD Effect on Marriage, here are some recommendations we suggest:
    • The Couple's Guide to Thriving with ADHD by Melissa Orlov & Nancie Kohlenberger
    • DIRTY LAUNDRY by Richard Pink & Roxanne Emery
    • What Your ADHD Child Wishes You Knew by Sharon Saline
    • Faster Than Normal by Peter Shankman
    • Neurodiversity at Work by Theo Smith and Amanda Kirby
    • The Six Disciplines of Strategic Thinking by Michael D. Watkins
    • The ADHD Advantage by Dale Archer
    • ADHD an A-Z by Leanne Maskell
    • 13 Things Mentally Strong Couples Don't Do by Amy Morin
    • Fight Right by Julie Schwartz Gottman