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Blink 3 of 8 - The 5 AM Club
by Robin Sharma
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The ADHD Effect on Marriage summary
Melissa Orlov
Understand and Rebuild Your Relationship in Six Steps
17 mins
Table of Contents
The ADHD Effect on Marriage
Summary of 6 key ideas
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Key idea 1 of 6
Step one: Start with empathy
As humans, the lens through which we view the world is so second nature that we often believe everyone in our lives shares our perspective. In reality, however, our points of view are highly individual. So, something obvious to you might be a complete mystery to your beloved.
That’s why making empathy a habit is the first crucial step in rebuilding your relationship with your partner – irrespective of who has ADHD. The partner with ADHD might not realize the impact their behaviors have on their relationship. And the other partner won’t necessarily understand how differently they process information, or how their partner struggles every day with things that seem effortless to others.
People with ADHD often feel different, ashamed, unlovable, and afraid of failure. Every day, they must navigate through the world with a constantly buzzing mind that prevents them from distinguishing what’s important to focus on and what isn’t a priority. Being relentlessly barraged by so much information is overwhelming, and can easily lead to panic.
At the same time, their partner often feels neglected or unappreciated because the partner with ADHD doesn’t help with household chores, complete projects they initiate, or is chronically late and forgetful. Their frustration and resentment build, as the partner without ADHD takes on more and more household responsibilities. Soon, they feel like a parent, not a partner.
But people can better manage their habits and behaviors when they feel safe and loved – no matter how their brain operates. That’s why every couple must begin with empathy.
One way to cultivate empathy in your relationship is through letter writing. If you have ADHD, write a letter to your partner explaining what it’s like to live with your mile-a-minute brain. Stay focused on your experiences and feelings, not your marriage or relationship. This will offer your partner a glimpse of what you deal with every day, explaining that your behaviors aren’t the result of laziness or self-interest. Use your letter as a way to start a conversation where both of you can be curious about the other’s perspective in an open, non-judgmental way.
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What is The ADHD Effect on Marriage about?
The ADHD Effect on Marriage (2010) sheds light on the way that Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD) affects individuals and impacts established relationships. By providing insight into typical behavioral tendencies, it offers couples a framework in which to move beyond unhelpful patterns and re-establish a loving relationship.
Who should read The ADHD Effect on Marriage?
- People with ADHD struggling to foster a happy relationship
- Anyone wanting to improve their relationship with their ADHD partner
- Therapists looking to better support clients with ADHD and their partners
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