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Name: Talking to Crazy
Rating: 4 (41 reviews)
Author: Mark Goulston

Mark Goulston

How to Deal with the Irrational and Impossible People in Your Life

4 (41 ratings)

19 mins

What is Talking to Crazy about?

Talking to Crazy (2015) acknowledges that each person has the potential to be a little crazy, giving into irrational behavior when the mood strikes. These blinks offer sound advice on how to empathize and communicate with a person in “crazy mode” so you can keep yourself from going off the deep end, too.

Table of Contents

Talking to Crazy
summarized in 9 key ideas

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Key idea 1 of 9

What’s in it for me? Learn to cope with craziness.

Are you crazy? Consider this scenario. You’re having a conversation with a loved one and out of nowhere, he says something that ticks you off.

How dare he say that, you think. And you start to shout, perhaps even go completely bananas, as your pulse races and your face flushes. After your outburst, you need a full hour just to calm down.

So, are you sure you’re not crazy? How do you then explain such behavior?

These blinks explore the crazy, irrational behavior to which everyone falls prey, every now and then. But why exactly do we act crazy, despite thinking we’re fairly rational adults? And maybe more importantly, how do you deal with a crazy person, especially when that crazy person is yourself?

In these blinks, you’ll learn

how to identify what triggers crazy behavior;
how to handle someone who simply won’t take “no” for an answer; and
why some craziness is too crazy for you to handle alone.

Accept that everyone – even yourself – can sometimes act or simply be a little crazy.

Even the most seemingly rational people have moments when they’re surprised by their own irrationality.

Really, anyone can have a moment in which the following statement holds true: You’re crazy!

But what does “crazy” in this context really mean? We’re not talking about the mentally ill, people who may be called “crazy” unfairly. You don’t have to be clinically ill to have a period of craziness.

In these blinks, the term crazy refers to irrational behavior which can manifest in a few ways. A crazy person might have a distorted view of reality, or refuse to listen to reasonable arguments. This person could also say nonsensical things or act out against his own interests.

If you want to reduce this kind of behavior in yourself, the first step is admitting to your own craziness. Acknowledging your own issues is an important step in dealing with other crazy people!

When you understand your own crazy tendencies, you’ll be able to empathize with the craziness in others. Because if you can’t empathize with those people, you might just end up screaming or acting irrationally yourself. And who’s the crazy one, then?

If on the other hand you can keep your cool when things get nuts, you might just help calm a crazy person down. Instead of getting upset, try to understand what exactly triggered the person’s craziness. You’ll then be less vulnerable to that person’s attempts to drive you batty!

For example, imagine you have a problem where you completely shut down if someone questions your honesty. If you acknowledge this tic, you’ll recognize it in others who might have a similar reaction. You’ll then know how to work toward finding a solution, instead of making things worse.

When a person goes into crazy mode, try to identify the trigger and empathize with him.

You might not know how to respond when a person starts acting crazily. But here’s an important point: don’t try to argue. Arguing never helps.

When a person is having a crazy episode, it’s usually because of some major event in that person’s past. A lot of craziness, for example, is rooted in childhood experiences.

Don’t ever engage in a power struggle with a crazy person. Instead, empathize but set boundaries.

Why do people snap into crazy behavior in the first place? These episodes are often about control.

A person’s craziness may well be rooted in his past, but such people often find themselves acting out because they want to feel control.

Don’t shout at the crazy on the outside, try to connect with the sane person on the inside.

It’s easy to forget that craziness is a temporary state when you’re confronted with a person who’s screaming at you. But remember: no matter how crazy someone appears to be, part of that person is still sane. Tapping into that sanity is the key to calming him down.

So when a loved one drifts into craziness, remember that he’s still a good person. His craziness doesn’t define his entire being; he still has an inner sanity that is really listening to you. So speak to that sane person inside, and not the crazy wrapper!

Manipulators are often motivated by disappointment or anger, so help them deal with it.

Craziness manifests itself in many forms. Screaming or crying is easier to identify, but manipulation is a kind of craziness, too.

People often try to manipulate others because they refuse to take “no” for an answer. They might try to split two people apart as a way to vent anger, for instance.

Catch narcissistic and sarcastic people off guard with unexpected behavior or comments.

We’ve learned that craziness is often motivated by a desire for control. Control is a big factor for another group of crazies, too: the know-it-alls.

There are a few ways to deal with a know-it-all. It might seem counterintuitive, but a good strategy is to boost a know-it-all’s ego even further. This lessens the person’s need to act superior.

Respect and cooperate with your partner, even when you’re splitting up. Do it for the kids!

Love is hard to find, but easy to lose. Love can also be torn apart by crazy behavior. Fortunately there are some tactics for protecting your relationship from crazy, irrational actions.

People often explain a breakup with off-handed comments like, “She demanded too much,” or “He always stayed out late,” but such problems are rarely the real reasons for a relationship’s end.

When a loved one shuts down and won’t communicate, try to voice your partner’s thoughts instead.

It’s hard to deal with a crazy person who is screaming and yelling. However, it’s also hard to deal with the opposite: a person who shuts down and won’t tell you what’s going on in his head.

When a loved one behaves like this, it’s important to voice the crazy thoughts you suspect he might be having. Feelings – especially negative feelings – can be overwhelming. We often look for ways to let our feelings out, but sometimes these feelings are so bad we bottle them up instead.

A person with a real mental illness needs professional help; you can’t handle this alone.

So far we’ve learned how to coax a crazy person out of a period of craziness. However, it’s important to understand that sometimes this isn’t always possible.

If a person has a real mental illness, he will need professional help.

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Best quote from Talking to Crazy

Unless youre the first entirely sane person on the planet, youre carrying around your own suitcase full of crazy.

—Mark Goulston

About the Author

Mark Goulston is a psychiatrist, business advisor and coach. He’s also the author of the bestselling books, Just Listen and Get Out of Your Own Way.

Who should read Talking to Crazy?

People with anger management issues
Anyone struggling with constructive communication in a relationship
Parents and teachers dealing with young adults

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