What is the main message of Verbal Judo?

The main message of Verbal Judo is effective communication and conflict resolution through tactical language.

How long does it take to read Verbal Judo?

The reading time for Verbal Judo varies depending on the reader's speed. However, the Blinkist summary can be read in just 15 minutes.

Who is the author of Verbal Judo?

The authors of Verbal Judo are George J. Thompson and Jerry B. Jenkins.

Communication Skills

Verbal Judo Book Summary - Verbal Judo Book explained in key points

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Verbal Judo summary

Name: Verbal Judo
Rating: 4.3 (134 reviews)
Author: George J. Thompson and Jerry B. Jenkins

George J. Thompson and Jerry B. Jenkins

The Gentle Art of Persuasion

4.3 (134 ratings)

19 mins

Brief summary

Verbal Judo by George J. Thompson and Jerry B. Jenkins is a guide for communication excellence. It teaches effective communication skills to build rapport, defuse tense situations, and gain cooperation in high-pressure dialogue.

Topics

Persuasion Negotiations Resolving Conflict

Table of Contents

Verbal Judo
Summary of 8 key ideas

Audio & text in the Blinkist app

Key idea 1 of 8

What’s in it for me? Get a black belt in communication.

Have you ever tried to communicate something, but, despite your best efforts, been unable to clearly state exactly what you mean? And meanwhile, you know that your interlocutor is getting more and more impatient, or even offended and angry? Well, you’re not alone. Pretty much everyone has, at some point, found themselves in such a situation, whether at work, with a loved one or with a complete stranger.

So what are you supposed to do when communication goes awry? How can you defuse the tension and express yourself plainly?

Well, get ready to learn some Verbal Judo – a linguistic art that will help you do away with miscommunication, as well as improve your ability to engage in meaningful conversation. These blinks will teach you the moves.

You’ll also learn

that direct orders are a counterproductive form of communication;
why empathy is the magic wand for tension-free communication; and
that paraphrasing is an often unused, but extremely powerful, tool for communication.

Communicating effectively in difficult situations is an art form that can be studied and learned.

Imagine you’re a rookie cop. It’s two in the morning, and you’ve just been sent to break up a domestic altercation in a rough neighborhood of Emporia, Kansas. Sounds a bit scary, right? Well, the author once found himself in exactly this situation. Luckily for him, his partner, Bruce Fair, was an experienced officer. He was also the man who gave the author his first lesson in Verbal Judo.

This term refers to the art of communication, a process that actually has no fixed rules at all.

For instance, consider how the author’s partner dealt with the screaming couple: he walked straight into their apartment, plopped himself down on their couch and began reading the newspaper. The couple looked at him a few times, but they kept right on arguing. Finally, officer Fair interrupted their dispute and asked if he could use their phone. The couple, thrown off by his request, complied, and their argument broke off.

From there, officer Fair mumbled something into the phone and put it down, feigning displeasure at the fact that someone would refuse his call at 2 a.m. He then asked the couple what was wrong and reminded them that it was best to be quiet at this time of night. In the end, the conflict resolved amicably.

This was the author’s first experience of the true power of communication.

Observing police officers as they defuse tense situations is the perfect way to learn about communication. That being said, it requires close study. Even the author was initially puzzled. He wasn’t exactly sure what had happened that night in Kansas and, when he asked his partner why he’d done what he’d done, officer Fair simply replied that he’d followed his instincts.

The author was hungry for more, and so he set out to uncover the structure behind those instincts. During the following years, he observed his fellow officers and took meticulous notes on their approach to communication. All this work resulted in the author’s guide to the art of Verbal Judo.

Avoid direct orders and condescension, and always explain the rules you’re enforcing.

Have you ever been verbally reprimanded by a random stranger for committing some minor misdeed – say, jaywalking on a deserted street? If this has ever happened to you, you can rest assured that your verbal assailant didn’t know the basic rules of Verbal Judo. That’s because effective communication is predicated on avoiding direct orders and condescension.

In fact, there are some common phrases that both police officers and civilians would do well to avoid at all times. For instance, ordering someone to “come here!” will never serve your goals. Not only does it sound threatening; it also gives no information about why the person should comply. A much better approach is to politely get the person’s attention and then ask if you can have a word.

Good communication means understanding where the other person is coming from.

Do relationships with other people ever make you feel tense? Wouldn’t it be wonderful if you had a magic wand and could just make all that discomfort disappear? Well, luckily for you, such a magic wand does exist. It’s called empathy, and without it there can be no good communication.

According to the author, empathy combines the Latin prefix em- (“to see through”) and the Greek suffix pathy (“the other’s eye”), and so it literally means to see through someone else’s eyes. In this sense, empathy is about adopting the perspective of another person, whether he’s your spouse, your employer or your friend. No matter what the relationship, empathy is crucial.

Paraphrasing is another powerful tool, but it requires an interruption.

Have you ever found yourself stuck in a conversation with someone who keeps going on and on, refusing to let you get a word in edgewise? How can you politely make these people stop talking without hurting their feelings?

Well, the best way to slip yourself into the conversation is to paraphrase, which simply means restating, in your own words, what the other person has said.

To bring your communication to the next level you need to identify your flaws.

When used appropriately, communication will enable you to make even the most difficult person happy and compliant. But to get there, you have to seriously develop your skills, reaching the level of a contact professional. What separates contact professionals from your standard good communicator is that the former can deliver in extremely high-pressure situations.

The famous basketball star Michael Jordan is a great example. When the pressure was on, his game only got better, and your goal should be to strive for the same level of professionalism in your communication. There’s only one way to do that.

What you say matters as much as how you say it.

Sometimes people speak at such cross-purposes that they might as well be speaking two different languages. So it’s no wonder that, in the field of communication, the word “translation” denotes the ability to choose the right words to communicate exactly what you want.

This ability is essential since, in the course of day-to-day conversation, misunderstandings often occur due to an imprecise use of language. Translation endeavors to transmit your precise thoughts, via language, into the mind of the other person. But in order to translate your thoughts into words, you first have to know exactly what you wish to communicate. For instance, you might want to tell your partner that you’re sorry for missing your anniversary.

Mediation can defuse stressful and dangerous situations.

To teach a child how to safely cross a road, you’ll have to bring her to an intersection so she can observe what’s going on. It’ll be clear to her that the cars move back and forth, some going in one direction and others in the other, and that they occasionally stop. However, she might not understand why they stop until you point out the traffic lights, explaining that green means go and red means stop.

In pointing out this detail, you’re acting as a mediator, allowing the child to recognize something new. Interestingly enough, it’s a skill that’s also key to police work.

Domestic disputes are inevitable but they can be directed toward productive ends.

A life of blissful harmony and intimacy is the stuff of every couple’s dreams. But real life tends to be quite different. Relationships are hard and domestic fights inevitably pop up, often out of the blue.

For instance, one of the author’s friends married a woman who had four kids from her prior husband. Two months into the marriage, he was still enjoying that honeymoon glow. Everything seemed to be perfect.

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What is Verbal Judo about?

Verbal Judo (1993) is your guide to effective communication, from a police officer’s perspective. These blinks explain why some common communication techniques could be holding you back and why others may be better suited to achieving your communication goals.

Verbal Judo Review

Verbal Judo (2010) is a thought-provoking book that teaches effective communication techniques to diffuse conflicts and build better relationships. Here's why this book is worth reading:

With its practical strategies and techniques, it equips readers with the tools to handle difficult conversations and resolve conflicts peacefully.
Packed with real-life examples and insightful anecdotes, the book is engaging and relatable, providing valuable lessons on effective communication in various situations.
Its emphasis on empowering individuals through words makes it a captivating read, ensuring that readers won't find this book boring.

Best quote from Verbal Judo

I quickly became convinced that good police officers are the greatest communicators in the world.

—George J. Thompson and Jerry B. Jenkins

Who should read Verbal Judo?

Police officers, security guards and anyone who deals with disruptive people
Professional communicators and mediators
Couples struggling to communicate their feelings

About the Author

George J. Thompson created the Verbal Judo method and its eponymous institute. He taught English and mastered karate before becoming a police officer, a career move that helped him develop his communication method. He died in 2011.

Jerry B. Jenkins is a best-selling author of fiction and nonfiction alike. Most notably, he co-authored the beloved Left Behind books, a series of religious novels.

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