Leadership and Self-Deception Book Summary - Leadership and Self-Deception Book explained in key points

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Leadership and Self-Deception summary

Name: Leadership and Self-Deception
Rating: 4.4 (149 reviews)
Author: The Arbinger Institute

The Arbinger Institute

Getting Out of the Box

4.4 (149 ratings)

18 mins

Brief summary

Leadership And Self Deception by Arbinger Institute is a thought-provoking book that explores the hidden ways self-deception impacts leadership, relationships, and personal growth.

Topics

Leadership Strategy

Table of Contents

Leadership and Self-Deception
Summary of 10 key ideas

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Key idea 1 of 10

What’s in it for me?

In many ways, today’s society seems to reward selfishness and self-aggrandizement. Perhaps because of this, more and more people are starting to feel that they are superior to others and their needs are more important than those of the people around them.

Leadership and Self-Deception explains that this mentality is in fact a form of self-deception, and very harmful to our private and professional lives. What’s worse, it spreads like a virus and results in nothing but ineffective work and negative feelings.

The book explains how innocently we get infected with this virus of self-deception by simply ignoring our most natural instincts.

Finally, you will also find out how you can stop the vicious cycle of self-deception to become a better leader, a more effective worker as well as a kinder, more helpful person.

We deceive ourselves by seeing other people’s needs as less important, so we treat them like objects.

All people want to be treated with respect and dignity by others. This idea is so fundamental that it is even manifested in our constitutions, laws and philosophies. But when it comes to everyday life, many of us forget this ideal.

In our daily interactions, we often feel that our needs and wishes are more important than those of other people. An example of this would be when we are sitting on a bus or plane, and instead of offering the empty seat next to us to others, we hope no one takes it, so we might enjoy more space. In effect, we value our own comfort above the need of others to find a seat.

Because we judge the needs of others as less real and important than our own, it is easy for us to start to think of them as mere objects. This is because our sense of superiority prevents us from seeing others as equals, so we no longer see a reflection of ourselves in others. In short, we begin to lack empathy, so we no longer see others as “real” people anymore.

This means that as we sit there on the bus or plane, we will probably see the other passengers as mere threats to us and our comfort, rather than as other human beings with their own needs.

This phenomenon is known as self-deception or “being in the box.” In this context, self-deception means that we do not see ourselves and the people around us as they really are. Hence we are deceiving ourselves.

You might say that when we are self-deceived, we are trapped inside a box, the limits of which distort our world view so we see other people as objects of little importance. To break free of self-deception, we must break free of the box.

Self-deception means we constantly seek justification for a worldview where others’ faults and our own virtues are inflated.

In today´s selfish world, it might seem harmless to inflate one’s own virtues and importance. But in fact, this act of self-deception is harmful and what’s worse, it is a neverending vicious circle where one act of self-deception leads to another.

How?

You don’t have to behave badly toward others to be self-deceived; it is enough to have bad feelings toward them.

We all want to be liked, respected and loved. Typically, one would think that the key to getting these things lies in our behavior: how we act toward others.

But in fact, the way others see us depends on something that runs much deeper than our behavior: our underlying feelings. This is because we are often able to sense how people feel about us, even if they do not show it.

The need for self-justification of our distorted worldview is ineffective and even destructive.

We have seen how self-deception affects our perception of others. But it also negatively affects our own motivation and priorities, leading us to lose sight of what is really important.

This is because when we are self-deceived, we must constantly look for self-justification to support our distorted worldview. This means we are not focused on what we want to achieve, be it at work or at home.

Self-deception is contagious and reinforced by the self-deception of others.

In our families and at work we seldom act autonomously. Interacting with other people is an inextricable part of life.

This means that our self-deception has an impact on those around us as well, and can in fact spread like a virus. This is because when things go awry, if we are self-deceived we see others as inferior to ourselves, so we tend to naturally blame them. This of course makes them feel like they are being treated unfairly, which makes them defensive. They naturally begin to emphasize our faults, while inflating their own virtues in order to feel better about themselves. This way they too become self-deceived.

When we stop ourselves from doing something that we wanted to do for another person, we betray ourselves.

Humans are social beings, relying on one another and each other`s empathy to get through the trials and tribulations of life.

If we are mentally healthy and balanced, it is easy for us to feel empathy, because we see a reflection of ourselves in others around us.

We must justify our self-betrayal, which leads us to self-deception and having negative feelings towards others.

We all know that nagging feeling that arises when we feel we should do something for another person. By now you know that if you don’t act on that feeling, you betray yourself. So how does this self-betrayal put you in the box of fully fledged self-deception?

Well, in order to justify your self-betrayal, you need to change your world view.

We can stay out of the box of self-deception by always acting on our instinct to help others.

We know that when we betray ourselves by ignoring our wish to help others, it leads to self-deception. Therefore, if we can stop betraying ourselves, we can stop being self-deceived.

First of all, it’s important to understand that we cannot get out of the box of self-deception by merely changing our behavior – for example, by trying to avoid others or finding ways to cope with our self-deception.

Freeing ourselves of self-betrayal and self-deception benefits our professional and private lives.

We have all experienced the liberating feeling of being outside the box of self-deception when interacting with some people. Be it in your private life or at work, the feeling of dealing with someone on a basis of mutual respect is a positive and inspiring one, and also a key to success.

To be a successful leader, you must be free of self-deception. Great leaders treat people as equals and with underlying respect, thereby gaining willing and loyal followers. Even if the leadership methods are strict or demanding, those being led will not resent the leaders as they do not feel that they are devalued.

Final Summary

The key message in this book:

Many of us are in the box of self-deception: we consider the needs and wishes of others as less important than our own. This has all kinds of negative effects, harming our relationships, work attitude and ability to lead others. To get out of the box we must simply start following our natural instincts to be helpful to others.

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What is Leadership and Self-Deception about?

This book will show you how and why most people are in a state of self-deception where they view their needs as more important than those of people around them. It demonstrates the negative impact this self-deception has on our lives, but also shows a way out of this state, benefiting both our private and professional lives.

Leadership and Self-Deception Review

Leadership And Self Deception (2000) is an eye-opening book that unveils the powerful effects of self-deception on our lives. Here's why this book is a must-read:

It offers a unique perspective on leadership and personal development, focusing on the often-overlooked role of self-deception.
The book presents relatable stories and practical tools to help readers identify and overcome self-deception.
Its insights are applicable to both professional and personal relationships, leading to improved communication and understanding.

Unlock your potential by picking up a copy of Leadership And Self Deception today.

Who should read Leadership and Self-Deception?

Anyone who wants his or her company to have a more positive and effective working attitude
Anyone who wants to learn how to become an inspiring leader
Anyone who feels they sometimes mistreat people who are important to them

About the Author

The Arbinger Institute is a global consulting company comprising international and multidisciplinary scholars. It is recognized as leader in organizational culture, and its other books include The Anatomy of Peace and The Choice.

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