Name: Talk to Me Like I'm Someone You Love
Rating: 3.9 (338 reviews)
Author: Nancy Dreyfus

What’s in it for me? Improve your relationship dynamics.

Have you ever been in the middle of a confrontation with your partner and realized that you weren’t getting anywhere? Chances are, you were using the wrong words. Maybe your language wasn’t accurately directing the conversation toward a resolution; maybe you weren’t open to understanding one another’s arguments; maybe you were criticizing and refusing to listen to each other.

Words have an impact, and communication is essential in keeping a relationship intact. If there’s no communication, there’s no relationship. But changing the energy between the two of you from unfriendly to friendly can make all the difference. This Blink will show you how.

Acknowledging a change in direction is a powerful intervention.

It’s okay – and even critical – to recognize that your interaction isn’t going well and that you need to change your approach in order to better understand one another. This helps boost your inner awareness of the situation and how you’re feeling.

It’s a powerful intervention that requires you to be straightforward with your partner.

Some useful ways to do this are to first acknowledge how you – as the initiator of the conversation – are feeling and to acknowledge how your partner is feeling. Then try following this emotional validation with a question. For example:

Can we start again?

Can you repeat what you’re saying but in a calmer tone so I can feel safer with you?

Can we take a minute to start over and really listen to what each other is saying?

Changing direction and validating each other’s feelings can transform a conversation and establish trust. It presents the desire to want to repair things and the willingness to listen to your partner.

Sometimes, we’re so focused on being heard that we forget that our partner has the right to be heard as well. And sometimes, we only hear what we want to hear – but that’s not effective listening.

So, let each other feel received. Offering this kind of vulnerability allows your partner to truly see you.

Validate each other’s feelings.

While we already discussed a little about the importance of validating feelings in the last section, let’s explore it more in-depth here.

When you’re in the midst of an argument with your partner, the two of you are passionate about being heard and likely with proving yourself right. What’s important is to level the playing field by respectfully asking to be heard and assuring that your partner will be heard too.

Take responsibility.

Absolutely do not be afraid to apologize and admit when you were in the wrong. In fact, your partner will likely value you more if you take responsibility for something you did or said. It’s simple awareness.

Taking responsibility is an influential part of healing relationship dynamics.

Work on your communication.

Making up is a powerful thing and it feels good when you’re finally able to come to that resolution.

But it can’t just be making up with one another, there has to be forgiveness. It must be mood-changing, lower the defenses, and allow everyone to relax properly. Importantly, it brings two disconnected beings back together.

Final Summary

Tone and word choice can severely impact a conversation or argument with your significant other. The way you exhibit your emotions can prevent effective communication as well. If you’re constantly insulting or putting the blame on each other, your relationship isn’t going to get anywhere. The key to proper communication is relating to your partner. Let them be felt and heard. But also make sure you are felt and heard.

Key ideas in Talk to Me Like I'm Someone You Love