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Blink 3 of 8 - The 5 AM Club
by Robin Sharma
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You Say More Than You Think summary
Janine Driver, Mariska van Aalst
A 7-Day Plan for Using the New Body Language to Get What You Want
20 mins
Brief summary
You Say More Than You Think guides readers in mastering body language. It unveils techniques to decipher non-verbal cues, enhancing personal and professional interactions. The book emphasizes conscious body movements to convey confidence and authenticity.
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You Say More Than You Think
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Building true confidence through body language
Building genuine confidence through body language can feel like solving a puzzle. Many books and courses offer advice that feels more like a checklist: memorize these poses, practice these gestures, follow these rules – the list goes on. But confidence isn’t about mimicry; it stems from understanding how people naturally communicate without words.
Body language often gets simplified into rigid interpretations. A firm handshake supposedly signals authority, and crossed arms are labeled defensive. But human expression is far more nuanced. A gesture like crossing arms might signal defensiveness, or it could simply mean someone is more comfortable that way. A smile may seem welcoming or serve to conceal frustration. Context shapes meaning, and the same cue can lead to wildly different interpretations depending on the situation.
Take common advice like “always maintain eye contact” or “smile often.” Research shows that unbroken eye contact often makes people uncomfortable rather than building rapport. Meanwhile, selective smiles – used sparingly and intentionally – often convey greater authority. Posing with hands on hips and an exaggerated posture, which is often described as confident, might actually come across as overly assertive or out of place in many settings.
A more effective way to approach body language is through a clear process: accuracy plus application equals attitude. Accuracy involves reading cues with an eye for context, avoiding snap judgments or blanket assumptions. For instance, a senior executive reclining in their chair with hands behind their head might not be signaling dominance. It could simply be their way of relieving back pain. Without understanding their context, any assumptions might lead to a misstep.
Application means taking these accurate readings and adapting your own nonverbal communication accordingly. If someone avoids direct eye contact, softening your gaze and occasionally looking away might help make them more comfortable. If their tone or posture feels reserved, reflecting that energy by toning down your own gestures or volume can foster a stronger connection. The key lies in subtle, situational adjustments that make interactions feel natural and comfortable.
When these elements come together, they foster a confidence that feels genuine. Instead of relying on a script or rehearsed behaviors, you respond authentically to the moment. This kind of confidence resonates because it’s grounded in a real understanding of human interaction.
These principles aren’t foreign. Think back to a challenging conversation with someone important to you. You probably noticed their tone or posture shifting and made small adjustments without overthinking it. Perhaps you softened your voice when they seemed tense, or changed your stance to match their energy. This natural ability to observe and respond is something you already use – often without realizing it. We’ll explore this instinctive process further in the next section.
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What is You Say More Than You Think about?
You Say More Than You Think (2011) reveals the hidden language your body speaks before you even open your mouth. Your success in every interaction – from first dates to high-stakes negotiations – depends far more on unconscious signals than you realize. Master these secret codes of human behavior and you'll gain an almost supernatural ability to read and influence anyone you meet.
Who should read You Say More Than You Think?
- Professionals looking to enhance communication and negotiation skills
- Leaders aiming to strengthen their influence and social connections
- Individuals curious about nonverbal cues and body language insights
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