Radically Happy Book Summary - Radically Happy Book explained in key points

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Radically Happy summary

Name: Radically Happy
Rating: 4.6 (366 reviews)
Author: Phakchok Rinpoche and Erric Solomon

Phakchok Rinpoche and Erric Solomon

A User's Guide to the Mind

4.6 (366 ratings)

28 mins

Topics

Meditation Self-Help Happiness

Table of Contents

Radically Happy
Summary of 9 key ideas

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What’s in it for me? A practical and lighthearted guide to achieving true happiness.

Pretty much everyone in the world wants to be happy and free from suffering. But most of us are incredibly bad at predicting what will really make us happy. We search for happiness in possessions, like houses or cars, or in circumstances, like being in a beautiful setting or having an awesome job.

The reality is, none of these things will give us true happiness. At best, we’ll achieve a fleeting sense of joy that disappears as quickly as it came. Real happiness –⁠ what the authors call radical happiness –⁠ is a sense of lasting well-being that sticks with us, even when the going gets rough. So how do you get some for yourself? These blinks will tell you!

In these blinks, you’ll learn

why winning the lottery won’t make you happy;
how your mind is like a disruptive party guest; and
how you can learn to love your enemies.

Genuine happiness has nothing to do with possessions or circumstances.

Consider the following scenario. One day, you wake up to find yourself in a hospital bed, with fluorescent lights glaring at you from above. A few minutes go by as you nervously wonder what’s going on. Finally, a doctor walks in. She tells you that you were hit by a car, and you’re now paralyzed from the waist down.

Okay – now let’s switch to a different scenario. In this one, you’re blinking and groggy as your partner excitedly shakes you awake from a deep sleep. He tells you that the lottery ticket you bought a few weeks ago is now worth $150 million.

On a scale of one to ten, how happy do you think you’d feel in each of these situations? And how much happiness do you think you’d feel a year after? Chances are that your current answers to these questions are wrong.

The key message here is: Genuine happiness has nothing to do with possessions or circumstances.

It’s obvious that winning the lottery would make you much happier than learning that you’re paralyzed, right? Actually, no –⁠ at least not in the long run!

Immediately after hearing the news in each of these scenarios, you’ll likely feel a boost of either happiness or depression. But those feelings won’t last. A 1978 study of paraplegic people and lottery winners determined that, just a year after finding out the news, the happiness levels of both groups had returned to exactly where they had been before.

It turns out that most people aren’t so great at determining the causes of happiness. But this is why it’s so essential to come to terms with the truth: circumstances and possessions don’t lead to real, sustained happiness.

You might feel like this is obvious –⁠ after all, you’ve read countless Hallmark cards telling you that money can’t buy happiness. But your actions may tell a different story. You’re probably still trying to find meaning and satisfaction by changing your surroundings or seeking out a well-paying job.

And this turns out to be a vicious cycle. Every time you obtain comfort and pleasure, it’s not long before you start worrying about where to find the next set of pleasurable circumstances, or you try to determine how to prolong your joy so it never goes away.

You can’t find lasting happiness in circumstances. So where exactly does it come from?

The first step toward radical happiness is breaking the cycle of thinking about thoughts.

One of the authors, Phakchok Rinpoche, grew up in the Tibetan Buddhist tradition. In accordance with Tibetan custom, he was chosen as the latest incarnation of a great and highly respected meditation instructor. This meant Rinpoche had many expectations and obligations foisted upon him. But instead of accepting them graciously, Rinpoche became increasingly angry. He blew off steam by engaging in debates with fellow students, while he secretly fantasized about beating them up.

Eventually, Rinpoche decided he needed to speak with one of his meditation instructors about his feelings. He asked what he should do about all of his anger and aggression. The teacher’s response? “Stop behaving like a dog. Behave like a lion!”

You can placate your mind by practicing meditating with an object.

Think of the best party host you know. What does that person do when one of her guests is being disruptive and causing a ruckus?

Truly great hosts won’t try to argue with a belligerent guest or kick him out of the party. Instead, they’ll find something for the guest to do – they’ll offer him his favorite drink, a really tasty bite to eat, or an especially comfy chair. This gives the guest some way to occupy himself, relax, and calm down.

To achieve basic happiness, practice cultivating gratitude instead of comparing yourself to other people.

Erric Solomon, the other of the authors, had a grandfather whose early life was rocky and turbulent. As a young child, he escaped the pogroms in Belarus and fled to St. Petersburg, Russia. But he never spoke much about those years. Instead, he focused on how grateful he was that his experiences led him to the United States, where he eventually met his wife.

Most people will never have to deal with circumstances as extreme as having to flee from persecution. But the moral of the story is this: Instead of dwelling on whatever is bad in our lives, we can focus on the things we’re grateful for.

Throughout the day, take mindful mini-breaks to refocus on the present moment.

Meditation is a great –⁠ if slightly contrived –⁠ way to familiarize yourself with being in the present moment. However, it comes with a slight danger. If you can focus on the present only when you’re meditating, you’re still depending on particular circumstances to make you happy. And you already know that circumstances can’t really make you happy!

So it’s very important to be able to bring your awareness of the present moment into your ordinary, everyday experiences, too. That way, you’ll be able to break free of your stressful thoughts and feelings and cultivate non-distraction, no matter what circumstances you find yourself in. This is where mindful mini-breaks come in: short periods when you can stop what you’re doing, drop everything, and be present.

Interconnected happiness means living in harmony with those around us.

What do you think would make you consider your life satisfying and successful?

This is a big question, and it was the subject of a landmark Harvard study that followed the lives of 268 men over 75 years. The study came to the conclusion that the men who enjoyed warm relationships during their lives were by far the most likely to consider their lives successful. These men also lived longer, made more money, and had better marriages. The director of the study summed it up like this: “Happiness is love. Full stop.”

Cultivate warm relationships by appreciating interconnectedness and wishing kindness on everyone.

Next time you’re having a meal, reflect on the food sitting on the plate in front of you. Envision the many people who contributed to you being able to eat that meal. Think of the employees at the store where you bought the food, the truck driver who drove it to the store, and the farmer who grew it.

Then, consider how the web extends even further. How did all the people you’re thinking of –⁠ the store clerk, the truck driver, and so on –⁠ get to where they were? Someone had to have raised the truck driver, another person had to have assembled her truck, and still another person constructed the road she was driving on. Find as many connections as you can.

Extend your feelings of warmth to everyone –⁠ even your enemies.

It’s no secret: our brains are big judging machines. When we meet people for the first time, we start making judgments about them almost immediately. According to various studies, this happens within a few milliseconds. And a few short seconds after that, our judgments have already solidified –⁠ they’re very difficult to change, even in the face of contradictory evidence.

You can probably recall times when you judged people harshly, only to realize later that they weren’t actually as horrible as you thought. Unfortunately, our tendency to judge gets in the way of cultivating warm relationships with others.

Radical happiness comes with greater understanding and awareness of your own mind.

So you’ve been practicing focusing on the present moment, working toward basic happiness. And you’ve been cultivating warmth in an effort to obtain interconnected happiness. But aren’t these blinks about radical happiness –⁠ a happiness that can stay with you no matter what circumstances you’re in?

Well, radical happiness is the natural byproduct of basic happiness and interconnected happiness. Radical happiness is breaking free of your habitual patterns of thinking and feeling, no matter how they manifest. By doing this, you are cultivating the quiet sense of confidence and self-respect that leads to dignity – the core of radical happiness.

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What is Radically Happy about?

What’s it about?

Radically Happy (2018) is a practical yet personal guide to achieving true happiness. In it, timeless Eastern wisdom meets modern Western practicality as it teaches the keys to happiness according to a Tibetan Buddhist monk and a former Silicon Valley technologist. Packed with scientific insights and meditation exercises, it provides a toolkit for achieving a genuine, lasting sense of well-being.

Best quote from Radically Happy

Real happiness –⁠ what we call radical happiness –⁠ is not found in situations and things.

—Phakchok Rinpoche and Erric Solomon

Who should read Radically Happy?

Who’s it for?

Skeptics who still need convincing about the benefits of meditation
Meditators who want to add new elements to their practice
Those tired of a fruitless search for true happiness

About the Author

About the author

Phakchok Rinpoche hails from a long line of great spiritual teachers and is a master in the Tibetan Buddhist tradition, holding the prestigious title of Khenpo. He teaches meditation in universities all over the world.

Erric Solomon is a meditation instructor who leads seminars and retreats in corporate settings, prisons, and temples across Europe and the United States. Previously, he was a top Silicon Valley tech executive.

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