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Blink 3 of 8 - The 5 AM Club
by Robin Sharma
Release Self-Doubt, Build Self-Compassion, and Embrace Who You Are
If you typed “self-love” into your web browser, the internet would offer you endless links to click. But despite the proliferation of content available, many people have misconceptions about what self-love actually is.
Self-love isn’t about minimizing the challenges of life and relationships; nor does it encourage perfectionism or a “be happy” attitude. Rather, self-love is about learning to identify and manage the inner fault-finding critic who has the power to create a hostile, shame-laden environment in our minds and hearts. While we may never silence this voice completely, learning to recognize it and the negative impact it has on our lives helps us quieten it, rather than believing it speaks the truth.
A lack of self-love is often the driving force behind behaviors in our lives that cause us pain. For instance, it can manifest in destructive patterns like pursuing emotionally unavailable partners or codependent relationships, compulsive dieting and body hating, self-sabotage, addictions, and unhelpful self-talk. When self-love isn’t part of your life, you perceive yourself to be in a state of deficiency – one that would change if only you could attain the missing ingredient. “If I only got that promotion…” you think. “If only I lost ten more pounds… If only I had the perfect partner…”
Usually, a lack of self-love arises from pain we’ve experienced in the past. And while it can be difficult, it’s important to explore the origins of those hurts, if we want to change how we feel about ourselves. This experience might make you feel vulnerable and raw. For instance, you might find yourself thinking about how your parents taught you to believe that love is transactional and comes with conditions of “good” behavior. Maybe this in turn taught you to believe you must perform in a certain way and are only worthy of love unless you earn it.
Rumination is the first step of the grieving process that comes with change and growth. As you move through this, however, try shifting your focus away from the pain and towards being curious about the dysfunctional patterns that show up in your relationship to yourself and others.
Make time to explore your thoughts and feelings, and practice identifying and expressing your emotions with honesty and vulnerability. And don’t feel like you have to do this alone. Investing in therapy, and nurturing relationships with trusted, supportive people are all part of the self-love journey.
Self-Love Workbook for Women (2020) maps your journey towards creating a life-altering relationship with yourself. Whether your self-love foundation is shaky or firm, this book will help you develop skills to heal and self-nourish, through using awareness and mindfulness practices.
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Try Blinkist to get the key ideas from 7,000+ bestselling nonfiction titles and podcasts. Listen or read in just 15 minutes.
Start your free trialBlink 3 of 8 - The 5 AM Club
by Robin Sharma