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Blink 3 of 8 - The 5 AM Club
by Robin Sharma
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1-2-3 Magic summary
Thomas W. Phelan
Effective Discipline for Children 2-12
17 mins
Brief summary
1-2-3 Magic by Thomas W. Phelan is a guidebook for parents on how to handle their child's misbehavior by using a simple and effective discipline technique. With this technique, parents can maintain their cool and help their children develop better habits.
Table of Contents
1-2-3 Magic
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Key idea 1 of 5
Children: Not Just Little Adults
Picture this. Your seven-year-old daughter has spent the whole morning tormenting her five-year-old brother – hitting, name-calling, provoking, the whole lot. Of course this behavior is unacceptable, and it’s important that she realize this. So you sit her down and calmly explain why she shouldn’t do it: It’s not nice to hurt people, it makes mommy angry, and how would she like it if someone teased her?
The seven-year-old, in a brilliant and mature flash of insight, realizes the error of her ways, and brightly declares: “Thanks, mom – I never thought of it that way!”
Sounds ridiculous, right? Because that’s not how children work. They are selfish. They are unreasonable. They are, quite simply, crazy.
The first thing you’re going to need to do is challenge this common assumption that kids are just small adults who can be reasoned with.
This doesn't mean there’s no place for explanation – tell them once if you need to. But if you’re repeating yourself then it’s only going to be irritating for all involved, and this leads to the two biggest mistakes that parents make while disciplining: Too much talking, and too much emotion.
For a kid, too many words can be distracting or confusing – and, as you just saw, they often don't work. But why is emotion bad? Kids – by design – are pretty powerless. So when they are able to get a strong emotional reaction from the big tough grown-up, they get back a little control over the world, and that’s immensely rewarding for them. You can see how this would interfere with their ability to learn something productive from the situation.
This is hard for some parents to do; talking and expressing emotion are pretty fundamental parts of being human. But you’re going to have to keep it to a minimum if you want discipline to be effective.
At the end of the day, you have three main jobs as a parent: Stop bad behavior, encourage good behavior, and strengthen your relationship with your child.
So how can you discipline in a way that will help you do these jobs? Keeping in mind the principles just looked at, let’s address the first role of parents: stopping unwanted or obnoxious behavior.
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What is 1-2-3 Magic about?
1-2-3 Magic (1995) is a clear and thorough guide to one of the most difficult yet important aspects of parenting: discipline. By outlining essential parenting principles and demonstrating simple and immediately applicable techniques, it creates a roadmap for taking back control of your home and building a much more enjoyable relationship with your child. Whether your goal is to stop the bad behavior of a tantrum-prone toddler or encourage good behavior in your pre-teen, this revised sixth edition will give you the tools you need to discipline responsibly.
1-2-3 Magic Review
1-2-3 Magic (2003) is a helpful parenting guide that offers effective strategies for managing behavior in children ages 2-12. Here's why this book is worth reading:
- Packed with practical techniques and tools, it equips parents with a simple, step-by-step approach to discipline that produces positive results.
- With its straightforward language and relatable examples, the book makes complex concepts easy to understand and apply in real-life situations.
- The book's emphasis on maintaining a calm and respectful atmosphere sets it apart, helping parents to build strong relationships with their children while fostering self-control and responsibility.
Who should read 1-2-3 Magic?
- Overwhelmed parents of younger children who need to adopt a new approach to discipline
- Exhausted carers of pre-teens who want to have more control over bad behavior
- Anyone who feels like they spend more time fighting than having fun with their child
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1-2-3 Magic FAQs
What is the main message of 1-2-3 Magic?
The main message of 1-2-3 Magic is an effective discipline method for raising well-behaved children.
How long does it take to read 1-2-3 Magic?
The reading time for 1-2-3 Magic varies depending on the reader's speed, but it typically takes a few hours. The Blinkist summary can be read in just 15 minutes.
Is 1-2-3 Magic a good book? Is it worth reading?
1-2-3 Magic is definitely worth reading. It provides practical strategies and techniques for dealing with child behavior and fostering positive discipline.
Who is the author of 1-2-3 Magic?
The author of 1-2-3 Magic is Thomas W. Phelan.
What to read after 1-2-3 Magic?
If you're wondering what to read next after 1-2-3 Magic, here are some recommendations we suggest:
- The Explosive Child by Ross W. Greene
- The Daily Dad by Ryan Holiday
- The Montessori Toddler by Simone Davies
- Tiny Humans, Big Emotions by Alyssa Gloria Campbell & Lauren Stauble
- The Power of Showing Up by Daniel J. Siegel and Tina Payne Bryson
- Raising Men by Eric Davis
- Theories of Childhood by Carol Garhart Mooney
- Hold on to Your Kids by Gordon Neufeld & Gabor Maté
- The Parenting Map by Dr. Shefali
- Artificial Intelligence & Generative AI for Beginners by David M. Patel