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Blink 3 of 8 - The 5 AM Club
by Robin Sharma
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Worthy of Her Trust summary
Stephen Arterburn
Jason B. Martinkus
What You Need to Do to Rebuild Sexual Integrity and Win Her Back
17 mins
Brief summary
Worthy of Her Trust is a guide for men seeking to rebuild trust after betraying their partners. Drawing on the authors' personal experiences and professional expertise, it offers practical advice and a roadmap for creating a loving and respectful relationship.
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Worthy of Her Trust
Summary of 3 key ideas
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Key idea 1 of 3
Eight myths about trust that need to be dispelled
There are eight common myths about building trust. When you know what to look for, you’re more likely to be able to manage your expectations – and less likely to be thrown off course in restoring your relationship. So let’s take a look at each one.
Myth #1: Time heals everything and rebuilds trust.
This simply isn’t true. Time may result in faded or fuzzy memories. But the memory isn’t gone, nor is the hurt associated with the event. All it needs is a trigger, and the memory will come flooding back in full detail. So how can you overcome this? Try looking at every morning as a new opportunity to foster trust. As you slowly rebuild your foundation, your wounds will heal.
Myth #2: To rebuild trust, all you need to do is stop repeating the behavior that caused the mistrust.
This is important, of course, but won’t resolve trust issues alone. What’s needed is actively healthy behavior, which will lead to redemption. And that healthy behavior needs to be in abundance. What does this mean? For example, you could shower your wife with compliments – then she wouldn’t feel the need to constantly seek approval from you, other men, your kids, or even the TV. Start thinking about creating more abundance: ask yourself how you can engage more in the relationship, how you can talk about your feelings, and how you can be responsible for things like budgeting.
Myth #3: Trust has been restored when she becomes less controlling.
Some of us are control freaks. You or your wife, or both, might be too. When you’ve broken the trust, your wife may feel an even greater need to control things. This might include checking your phone, your wallet, your email, or even tracking your movements using GPS. But some of this behavior is totally appropriate in light of the situation.
Myth #4: He doesn’t really love me – otherwise he wouldn’t do this.
It’s rare for infidelity to result because a man has fallen out of love with his wife, even if he professes this to be the case. More often, this is an easier explanation than admitting to the mean, destructive nature of the sinful act. Martinkus says authentic behavioral change only comes about through a “mysterious, dynamic interaction between our soul and the triune God.” The sinner has to accept that they can’t go on living that way; the pain of remaining as they are must become greater than the pain of change. Love is not the issue.
Myth #5: More sex will stop a man from acting out.
More sex and more exciting sex is likely to make matters worse rather than resolve the issue. The man might come to see his wife as an object rather than a companion and a “beautiful child of God.” When a wife agrees to change sexual habits, she merely becomes the husband’s “personal prostitute.” This will prolong the husband’s problems and delay healing.
Myth #6: Prayer builds trust.
Although prayer is important, you need a concrete plan to restore trust. With a plan and prayer, you’ll set the stage to win your wife back. So yes, pray for redemption and healing and pray for your wife’s forgiveness, but also remember to pray for the power to consistently work on your plan to rebuild trust.
Myth #7: Forgiveness rebuilds trust.
Forgiveness is necessary for true healing, but it’s not the be all and end all. It won’t rebuild trust alone – and to think that it will is lazy, selfish thinking. Forgiveness is something that’ll benefit your wife, not you. Your focus needs to be on becoming someone who’s worthy of forgiveness. How can you do that? Become someone who communicates softly and gently. Become humble and tender. Make the whole journey easier for your wife by empathizing with her pain.
Myth #8: God will save your marriage by delivering you from your sexual misdemeanors.
Although this might happen, Martinkus says it happens rarely – if at all. Sexual addiction is more akin to a food addiction than it is to drug or alcohol abuse. With substance abuse, you have to stop using the substance to find a remedy. But that’s not the case with a food or sex addiction – in these cases, you need to stop the abuse and engage more healthily while honoring God.
Although there may be some truth in these myths, know that if you rely on them alone, you’ll be setting yourself up for disappointment.
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What is Worthy of Her Trust about?
Worth of Her Trust (2014) is a guide for men looking to restore trust in a marriage damaged by infidelity. With exercises and tools based on counseling techniques, it offers practical advice for rebuilding connection and intimacy – and hope that, with sincere effort, even the most difficult challenges can be overcome.
Worthy of Her Trust Review
Worthy of Her Trust (2014) is a thought-provoking book that explores the journey of rebuilding trust in a relationship devastated by betrayal. Here's why this book is definitely worth reading:
- It offers guidance and practical strategies for betrayed partners to heal and find hope, emphasizing the importance of patience, empathy, and communication.
- With its authentic stories of couples who have successfully restored trust, the book provides inspiration and reassurance to those navigating the challenging path to recovery.
- It sheds light on the underlying causes of betrayal, helping both betrayed partners and their unfaithful counterparts understand the complex dynamics and work towards reconciliation.
Who should read Worthy of Her Trust?
- Men whose relationships with their wives have broken down
- Men seeking to understand how they can rebuild trust after infidelity
- Men looking to proactively sidestep marital problems
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Worthy of Her Trust FAQs
What is the main message of Worthy of Her Trust?
Worthy of Her Trust teaches about rebuilding trust in relationships after betrayal.
How long does it take to read Worthy of Her Trust?
Reading time varies, but the Blinkist summary can be read in just 15 minutes.
Is Worthy of Her Trust a good book? Is it worth reading?
Worthy of Her Trust is worth reading as it helps understand trust and rebuild relationships.
Who is the author of Worthy of Her Trust?
The author of Worthy of Her Trust is Stephen Arterburn & Jason B. Martinkus.
What to read after Worthy of Her Trust?
If you're wondering what to read next after Worthy of Her Trust, here are some recommendations we suggest:
- Sexploitation by Cindy Pierce
- The 12 Traits of the Greats by Dave Martin
- The Body Keeps the Score by Bessel van der Kolk
- The 5 Love Languages by Gary Chapman
- Relationship Goals by Michael Todd
- Forgiving What You Can't Forget by Lysa TerKeurst
- I Shouldn't Feel This Way by Alison Cook
- Sexual Detox by Tim Challies
- Dopamine Detox by Thibaut Meurisse
- At War with Ourselves by H. R. McMaster