Sacred Cows Book Summary - Sacred Cows Book explained in key points

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Sacred Cows summary

Name: Sacred Cows
Rating: 3.1 (65 reviews)
Author: Danielle Teller and Astro Teller

Danielle Teller and Astro Teller

The Truth About Divorce & Marriage

3.1 (65 ratings)

12 mins

Brief summary

'Sacred Cows' by Danielle and Astro Teller is a thought-provoking book that challenges commonly held beliefs in society such as the perfect career, marriage and parenthood. It offers a fresh perspective on how to live life on one's own terms.

Topics

Marriage

Table of Contents

Sacred Cows
Summary of 5 key ideas

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Key idea 1 of 5

What’s in it for me? Lead some sacred cows to the slaughter.

What comes to mind when you think of the perfect family? Maybe it’s the classic Norman Rockwell illustration of the nuclear family gathered around the table for Thanksgiving dinner. Whatever images pop into your head, they probably don’t include a divorcee.

Indeed, we often look to married couples as “better” than those who have divorced. But why does such a hierarchy have to exist in the first place? What fuels the dogmatic belief that marriage is inherently good, and divorce inherently bad? The reasons behind such sacred cows are often, as we’ll see in these blinks, simply a lot of hot air.

In these blinks, you’ll learn

what exactly sacred cows are;
how absurd the marital promise of “forever” is; and
why you shouldn’t feel bad about divorce.

Cultural assumptions are there to be torn down, especially when it comes to marriage.

We all know the world isn't flat, but it took us a long time to get there. For millennia, it was thought by most people that the world couldn’t be anything but flat. An unquestioned cultural assumption like this is known as a sacred cow. These sacred cows feel so much like facts that they are often thought to be integral to society. Challenging them can be difficult.

For example, thinkers like Galileo, a man who disputed multiple “facts,” including the earth’s flatness and the geocentric model of the universe, were harshly criticized by their contemporaries. But time – and science! – proved them right.

Of course, sacred cows can also exist on a smaller scale – for instance, in the world of marriage and divorce. For a number of reasons, society regards people who divorce as morally suspect, disloyal, irresponsible or even defective. Such a dogmatic view of marriage and divorce is more than questionable – it’s a modern-day sacred cow, and it needs to be challenged.

We’re taught that the institution of marriage is the bedrock of decent society. Married people are thought to be logical, responsible and caring. And divorce threatens these societal norms and personal attributes. Indeed, America is seething with people who propagate the sacred cow of marriage.

In the following blinks we'll look at some of these people, including the Holy Cow, the Expert Cow, the Defective Cow, and the Innocent Victim Cow. This myth-mongering herd can and must be challenged!

The Holy Cow believes marriage vows last forever, but, really, no one can promise that feelings won't change.

If you've ever considered divorce, you'll be familiar with some difficult feelings – and you can thank the Holy Cow for not making things any easier.

The Holy Cow is a dogmatist. He or she firmly believes that marriage is inherently good and that divorcees are worse than people who abide by their marriage vows. The Holy Cow always argues for marriage and staying together, even if it compromises individual happiness.

When it comes to your true desires, listen to yourself, not the Expert Cow.

In most relationships, there comes a time when some expert advice is needed. But be wary of the Expert Cow. She gives the same advice to everyone because she cares more about herself than your well-being.

The Expert Cow could come in the form of a clueless marriage counselor or a self-help book. Of course, not all counselors or self-help books are disingenuous, but the Expert Cow, no matter what, is geared to self-gain, particularly if there's a financial incentive. She’ll often peddle one-size-fits-all solutions, closely adhering to her own dogma.

If divorce is on the table, the Defective Cow will tell you that you're the problem.

We're all prone to a little self-doubt, but when it comes to divorce, the Defective Cow will try to milk those feelings for all they’re worth.

If you reveal to the Defective Cow that you’re thinking of getting a divorce, he'll try to convince you that you're defective in some way. This is because he values marriage above all else and wants to put the blame squarely on you.

Beware the stats manipulator that is the Innocent Victim Cow.

There’s nothing quite so convincing in an argument as confidently pulling out a wad of statistics, right? The Innocent Victim Cow knows this tactic well. Unfortunately, as useful as statistics can be, they’re extremely easy to abuse. The Innocent Victim Cow will try to convince you of the negative consequences of divorce, for example by telling you that you're denying your own children happiness by prioritizing yourself.

One factoid the Innocent Victim Cow will always wheel out is the notion that the children of divorced couples are themselves more likely to divorce. True enough, there is a correlation, but it’s hardly backed by real evidence.

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What is Sacred Cows about?

Sacred Cows (2014) tackles the sacrosanct subject of marriage, an institution often considered to be above criticism. Rather than offering practical guidance on how to fix a marriage or how to recover after a marriage dissolves, these blinks consider how society is arranged to make us feel bad about divorce. The advocates of certain societal viewpoints are given a firm dressing down.

Who should read Sacred Cows?

Anyone looking for a novel perspective on divorce
Individualists and libertarians
People interested in sociology and psychology

About the Author

Danielle Teller is a Canadian-born doctor of medicine, currently residing in Palo Alto, California. She trained at several universities, including Brown and Yale. In 2013, she decided to pursue her dream of becoming a writer.

Astro Teller, the husband of Danielle Teller, holds a PhD in artificial intelligence from Carnegie Mellon University, Pittsburgh. He studied computer science at Stanford University. He is also the author of Exegesis, a science-fiction novel.

Categories with Sacred Cows

Sex & Relationships

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