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Blink 3 of 8 - The 5 AM Club
by Robin Sharma
Listen to the Intro
Why Love Hurts summary
Eva Illouz
A Sociological Explanation
12 mins
Table of Contents
Why Love Hurts
summarized in 6 key ideas
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Key idea 1 of 6
Love between women and men was long characterized by inequality, but now things are improving.
If you walk into a bookstore, you’ll find shelves loaded with self-help books about love and marriage. This proliferation of literature suggests that people are having an increasingly difficult time finding and keeping a suitable mate.
But why is that?
Well, it might be psychological. Some people are too shy to approach potential partners, or may have had poor relationship experiences in the past. But there are also social reasons for the increasing difficulty of dating – and these social factors have a long history.
Love between women and men used to be marked by stark inequality. From the Middle Ages to the nineteenth century, the concept of love was overloaded with ideas of chivalry and romance.
Men were expected to defend women, who were considered weaker, and could expect a woman’s devotion in return. During this time, the inferiority of women was deeply ingrained in the way people conceptualized love.
Since women were considered more fragile, men’s role was to protect them. In this way, love became a way of displaying masculinity and honor, while entrenching gender inequalities.
Thankfully, inequality between men and women has decreased with modernity, which has also transformed the nature of love.
This change was especially marked during the 1960s when heterosexual relationships were reshaped by the sexual revolution and a new wave of feminism. The result has been a dramatic movement toward gender parity and a division between sex and emotions.
At the same time, socioeconomic shifts made love more important in marriages. In the past, socioeconomic compatibility was a precondition for love because marriage was seen as a strategic decision to form alliances and reinforce two families’ finances. But as forming alliances became less important, love became central to marriage.
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What is Why Love Hurts about?
Why Love Hurts (2012) is about the history of love, romance and relationships. These blinks detail the gender differences, cultural expectations and social structures that shape our conception of love and make it one of the more difficult emotions to experience.
Best quote from Why Love Hurts
Men need womens recognition less than women need mens recognition . . . , men and women both need other mens recognition.
—Eva Illouz
Who should read Why Love Hurts?
- Men who are fed up with being called unemotional
- Women who are tired of being considered clingy
- Singles who struggle to maintain relationships
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