Boys & Sex Book Summary - Boys & Sex Book explained in key points
Listen to the Intro
00:00

Boys & Sex summary

Peggy Orenstein

Young Men on Hookups, Love, Porn, Consent, and Navigating the New Masculinity

3.9 (129 ratings)
26 mins

Brief summary

'Boys & Sex' by Peggy Orenstein is a thought-provoking book that explores the cultural, social and psychological factors that shape young boys' views of sex and relationships. The book reveals how stereotypes and toxic masculinity impact boys' sexuality and offers insights into how to create a healthier future for all.

Topics
Table of Contents

    Boys & Sex
    Summary of 8 key ideas

    Audio & text in the Blinkist app
    Key idea 1 of 8

    Society still celebrates a stereotypical image of masculinity, and this stereotype is negatively impacting male health.

    Over the course of two years, journalist Peggy Orenstein asked hundreds of teenage boys the same question: Which qualities does the "ideal woman" possess? She was expecting to hear a litany of standard stereotypes – blonde hair, big boobs. But the boys’ answers surprised her.

    When describing this ideal woman, they used words like "leadership," "ambition," and "intelligence," among other positive descriptors. Oddly enough, it was when asked to describe the "ideal man" that the boys stuck to stereotype, listing qualities like emotional reserve, strength, and silence.

    The key message here is: Society still celebrates a stereotypical image of masculinity, and this stereotype is negatively impacting male health.

    The stereotypical image of the strong silent male is tangibly, and negatively, affecting male mental health. Why? Well, emodiversity – the capability to feel and express a spectrum of emotions – is key to healthy mental functioning. And the pressure to suppress emotions severely limits many boys’ emodiversity.

    A 2018 survey of over 1,000 US adolescents found that young men who strongly identified with male stereotypes were a staggering six times more likely to report harassing girls and bullying other boys. Moreover, they were more prone than other males to binge drinking, risk-taking behavior, and depression.

    As these worrying statistics show, when men ignore their feelings, the consequences can be extremely negative. Yet boys are strictly socialized not to acknowledge their feelings.

    The process of gender socialization starts at home. Studies consistently show that both mothers and fathers deploy less varied emotional vocabulary and display less empathy when talking with sons than with daughters.

    And it continues at school. Psychologist Judy Y. Chu has shown that preschool-aged boys are often still comfortable showing their need for emotional connection with others. By kindergarten, however, most boys have learned to hide that need. And by the age of 14, the majority of boys are afraid that sharing their feelings with their male peers will make them look weak.

    The 2018 survey found that girls believed there were “many ways to be a girl.” Boys, on the other hand, reported feeling pressured to be strong, silent, and unemotive. Sometimes this pressure came from adult authority figures – people who discouraged the boys from expressing sadness or frustration by telling them to "man up." Sometimes it came from peers who applied feminized slurs, like "pussy" and "bitch," to boys who did express emotion.

    The image of the strong, silent male isn’t something to be celebrated; it’s a toxic gender stereotype that is harming young men.

    Want to see all full key ideas from Boys & Sex?

    Key ideas in Boys & Sex

    More knowledge in less time
    Read or listen
    Read or listen
    Get the key ideas from nonfiction bestsellers in minutes, not hours.
    Find your next read
    Find your next read
    Get book lists curated by experts and personalized recommendations.
    Shortcasts
    Shortcasts New
    We’ve teamed up with podcast creators to bring you key insights from podcasts.

    What is Boys & Sex about?

    In Boys & Sex (2020), acclaimed journalist Peggy Orenstein asks young men all about their sex lives – and gets the uncensored answers. Drawing on two years of interviews with young men, academics, psychologists, and sex educators, Orenstein offers an unfiltered yet informed perspective on young men’s relationship to sex, from the pleasurable to the problematic.

    Boys & Sex Review

    Boys & Sex (2020) is an eye-opening exploration of boys' experiences with sex and relationships in today's society. Here's why this book is worth reading:

    • Through interviews, research, and personal stories, it uncovers the complexities and pressures that boys face when it comes to sex, providing a nuanced understanding of the topic.
    • It challenges common stereotypes and expectations surrounding masculinity and offers insights and guidance for parents, educators, and boys themselves to navigate this terrain more effectively.
    • With its thought-provoking discussions on consent, pornography, and communication, the book sparks important conversations and promotes a healthier, more inclusive understanding of male sexuality.

    Who should read Boys & Sex?

    • Parents who are wondering how to give their teen boys “the talk”
    • Educators who see firsthand how boys struggle with toxic masculinity
    • Adolescent boys navigating the complex landscape of sex and relationships

    About the Author

    Peggy Orenstein is an award-winning journalist, New York Times best-selling author, and expert on gender and sexuality. Her book Girls & Sex broke new ground with its frank examination of the sex lives of contemporary American girls, and her TED talk on girls’ sexual pleasure was a viral sensation.

    Categories with Boys & Sex

    Book summaries like Boys & Sex

    People ❤️ Blinkist 
    Sven O.

    It's highly addictive to get core insights on personally relevant topics without repetition or triviality. Added to that the apps ability to suggest kindred interests opens up a foundation of knowledge.

    Thi Viet Quynh N.

    Great app. Good selection of book summaries you can read or listen to while commuting. Instead of scrolling through your social media news feed, this is a much better way to spend your spare time in my opinion.

    Jonathan A.

    Life changing. The concept of being able to grasp a book's main point in such a short time truly opens multiple opportunities to grow every area of your life at a faster rate.

    Renee D.

    Great app. Addicting. Perfect for wait times, morning coffee, evening before bed. Extremely well written, thorough, easy to use.

    People also liked these summaries

    4.7 Stars
    Average ratings on iOS and Google Play
    30 Million
    Downloads on all platforms
    10+ years
    Experience igniting personal growth
    Powerful ideas from top nonfiction

    Try Blinkist to get the key ideas from 7,000+ bestselling nonfiction titles and podcasts. Listen or read in just 15 minutes.

    Start your free trial

    Boys & Sex FAQs 

    What is the main message of Boys & Sex?

    Boys & Sex explores the complexities of young boys' attitudes towards sex and provides insights into their experiences and challenges.

    How long does it take to read Boys & Sex?

    Boys & Sex can be read in several hours. The Blinkist summary can be read in just 15 minutes.

    Is Boys & Sex a good book? Is it worth reading?

    Boys & Sex is worth reading as it offers valuable insights into the sexual experiences and challenges faced by young boys.

    Who is the author of Boys & Sex?

    The author of Boys & Sex is Peggy Orenstein.

    What to read after Boys & Sex?

    If you're wondering what to read next after Boys & Sex, here are some recommendations we suggest:
    • Girls & Sex by Peggy Orenstein
    • Raising Cain by Dan Kindlon and Michael Thompson
    • Smart Sex by Emily Morse
    • Sex at Dawn by Christopher Ryan and Cacilda Jethá
    • Slow Sex by Diana Richardson
    • How Not To Be a Boy by Robert Webb
    • The Porn Myth by Matt Fradd
    • Your Brain on Porn by Gary Wilson
    • Make Your Bed by William H. McRaven
    • Sexual Detox by Tim Challies