The Kindness Method Book Summary - The Kindness Method Book explained in key points
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The Kindness Method summary

Shahroo Izadi

Changing Habits for Good Using Self-Compassion and Understanding

4.4 (227 ratings)
19 mins

Brief summary

The Kindness Method by Shahroo Izadi is a guide to breaking bad habits and focusing on self-appreciation. It empowers readers to avoid shame-based thinking and make empowering choices.

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    The Kindness Method
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    Self-compassion is integral to lasting change.

    Having tried diet fads, health camps, and weight loss coaches, the author, Shahroo Izadi, was an expert when it came to losing weight. She just wasn’t good at keeping it off.

    Whenever the number on the scale crept back up, she would fluctuate between periods of self-imposed starvation and unhealthy binge-eating. She sought to punish herself for her perceived weakness and confined herself at home until she felt thin enough to be “worthy” of social engagement. And when she did achieve her goal weight, her satisfaction never lasted more than a few days.

    After a lifetime of struggling with low self-esteem, she had an epiphany: Maybe her struggle with weight had more to do with her overall self-image than with the weight itself.

    The key message here is: Self-compassion is integral to lasting change. 

    After a painful breakup, Shahroo gained more than 90 pounds. The result was a major hit to her self-esteem, and yet another period of feeling like she had no social worth due to her appearance. This time, she felt that she needed to see a counselor in addition to her usual routine of extreme dieting and exercise.

    Having believed that the weight itself was her biggest problem, she was surprised when her counselor posed a simple question: What would happen if you never lost the weight?

    At first, the suggestion filled Shahroo with rage. How could she be happy without being thin? But after a few days, she started to notice other overweight people around her. Surely she didn’t think that they should ostracize themselves because of their extra pounds? She became acutely aware of the gap between her expectations for herself and her expectations of others.

    With this in mind, she decided to try an experiment. Instead of waiting until she looked the way she wanted to, she would treat herself with the same kindness as if she had already achieved her goal weight.

    To her surprise, by being kind to herself even on days when she didn’t reach her weight loss goals, she began to lose weight more quickly than she ever had before. And beyond that, her new self-compassion had a positive impact on every aspect of her life.

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    What is The Kindness Method about?

    The Kindness Method (2019) approaches the practice of habit-forming by cultivating self-compassion and understanding. Using practical exercises based on the author’s experience as an addiction recovery therapist as well as on her personal journey with self-image and weight loss, it provides the guidance necessary to create and sustain change.

    Best quote from The Kindness Method

    The Kindness Method is not the plan itself, but rather the guidance required to create, action and sustain a realistic plan.

    —Shahroo Izadi
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    Who should read The Kindness Method?

    • People who want to beat drug or alcohol addiction
    • Anyone who wants to lose weight – and keep off the pounds
    • Professionals trying to establish good habits for a career change

    About the Author

    Shahroo Izadi is a Behavioral Change Specialist with a practice that focuses on self-compassion and self-awareness. She’s also a relapse prevention coach at Amy’s Place, a recovery house for women, and has delivered sold-out workshops to people who want to create or change any habit. Her work has been featured in various media outlets such as BBC Radio 1, The Telegraph, and The Pool.

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