Name: Stitches
Rating: 3.8 (26 reviews)
Author: Anne Lamott

What’s in it for me? Find a greater sense of meaning in life, even during the toughest of times.

It’s inevitable that human beings will have painful and traumatic experiences as they go through life. When these difficult episodes arise, what is it that allows people to keep their heads up and continue?

The stitches that hold all of our experiences together are the communities we find solace in. The answer, if there is one, to the eternal question of life’s true meaning surely lies in togetherness and love.

And that’s what you’ll learn in these blinks. They’re full of great insights about the feeling of meaning in life, and why it can be so hard to find.

In these blinks, you’ll also discover

why you shouldn’t push yourself to “get over” something;
why you shouldn’t feel bad if someone says you’re too sensitive; and
why you feel so bad when hearing about a tragic loss – even if you have no connection to it.

It’s easy to find meaning in life when everything is going well, but it can be tricky when the going gets tough.

Isn’t it amazing when life just seems to work out? You and your family are healthy, you have a job you love and everything feels like it’s in the right place.

It’s common to feel that life is in order after experiencing good fortune, and this tendency has to do with the human ability to find sense, meaning or purpose in a string of positive events. Simply put, it’s easier to see meaning in life when things work out for us.

This tends to be the result of expecting things to turn out a particular way, while failing to see chaos as an inherent aspect of life’s overall meaning. Instead, we find meaning in the things we purposefully intend to do, like finding a job we love. If we achieve these things, that sense of meaning is naturally reinforced.

Because of this positive reinforcement, rather than seeing the mess and chaos of our lives as meaningful, we quarantine them, associating them with negativity. The same can be said for stigma and failure, which people tend to associate with painful, difficult or unplanned experiences.

So, given this tendency, it should come as no surprise that, when we experience suffering or difficult moments, we find it hard to feel positive about life or think of it as meaningful. Just consider catastrophic events like terrorist attacks, natural disasters or the loss of a loved one. In painful moments it’s hard to believe that life has any positive meaning at all.

In such instances, it doesn’t even matter if the event happens to us or to another person. The painful experiences of one person are still part of the human community and, in that sense, all people are affected by the negative things that happen to all others.

In other words, we’re all joined together by bad experiences. For instance, if someone murders another human, the rest of society is partially responsible, since they live in the same human community as that person.

But this realization doesn’t have to be a total downer – there’s actually a lot to gain from these negative experiences and, in the blinks that follow, you’ll learn about how to cope with life’s struggles.

Life is a hodgepodge of good and bad experiences, and the latter have a lot to teach us.

Nobody only learns from quick, easy and painless events. But neither do they look forward to the dark times. In reality, life is a jumble of good and bad experiences, all of which have something to teach us.

In this way, life is a lot like an eclectic patchwork quilt, composed of innumerable different moments. It has holes that have been patched up, repeated sections and, for the most part, it’s improvised. The only thing we can do is take it one stitch at a time.

Societal pressures often discourage sensitivity, causing people to downplay difficult and painful experiences.

From early on in our lives, the pressure is on for things to go right. Whether it’s our parents, teachers or even our bosses, we’re pushed to follow certain paths.

But the truth is, things never work out as planned. So, why do we cling to this illusion of an unobstructed, painless ride?

Being together with others is a profound experience that gives us a sense of meaning.

Do you have one really amazing friend who you can tell anything? Or do you have a person in your life who you couldn’t imagine living without?

Well, if you don’t, you might want to start building such a relationship. These types of close connections are powerful and, in general, something profound happens when people come together.

Key ideas in Stitches

What is Stitches about?

Stitches (2014) is about embracing the negative aspects of life that you’re powerless to change, and building a community to help you work through them. These blinks explain why so many people run from suffering and pain, and why acknowledging such difficult experiences is the only way to overcome them.