Marry Him Book Summary - Marry Him Book explained in key points
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Marry Him summary

Lori Gottlieb

The Case for Settling for Mr. Good Enough

4.5 (49 ratings)
22 mins

Brief summary

Marry Him by Lori Gottlieb is a non-fiction book exploring why women should prioritize practicality over the perfect partner in their search for love. It emphasizes the value of settling for a good match over waiting for the ideal one.

Table of Contents

    Marry Him
    Summary of 6 key ideas

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    Key idea 1 of 6

    Skip the fairy tale: aim for good, not perfect.

    What’s the silliest reason you’ve ever rejected someone? Have you ever broken up with a guy because … he hasn’t seen Casablanca?

    At the time of writing, author Lori Gottlieb is 41 years old – a confident go-getter with a successful career. But she’s dissatisfied that she still hasn’t found the right guy. 

    In researching her book, Gottlieb spoke with a group of female friends in the same boat. With some life experience under their belt, they talked about great guys that they had rejected in the past, sometimes for trivial reasons.  

    There was the sweet boyfriend who brought his partner flowers, but they were always the wrong kind of flowers. There was a guy who was plenty attractive – but who had gross, untrimmed nose hairs that it seemed too awkward to bring up. Then there’s the guy who cried one-too-many times – one-too-many being twice. And finally: the guy whose partner said he “loved me too much” – he was so devoted to her that she concluded she must be pretty great. So surely she could do better.

    Now with more experience, these women looked back on some of those calls with regret. These were guys who loved them, treated them well, and met 80% of their criteria. 

    So why did they walk away?

    In retrospect, it was partly because – though great partners – they just didn’t seem to fit the mold of who these women thought they’d end up with.

    Society pumps out romantic tales – in pop songs, movies, novels, and TV shows – that we imbibe from an early age. We’re flooded with images of attractive and successful people. We’re sold fairy-tale stories of romance, infatuation, and total devotion.

    So people build a preconceived image of the perfect match. The right personality, occupation, interests; the right face, the right height. We become overly attached to this fantasy and judge real people against it.

    Meanwhile, the culture of online dating encourages us to see the dating pool as inexhaustible. There could always be someone “better” around the corner. So why “lower your standards”?

    After all, it seems natural that someone who searches for longer will end up with something better, right? 

    But do they? Not necessarily. Let’s look at why.

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    What is Marry Him about?

    Marry Him (2011) is an honest, open and humorous quest for what it means to find the perfect man. It confronts common barriers to finding a partner, like chasing sparks over stability and the never-ending checklist of ideal qualities, and makes a case for rethinking what is important in a partner, drawing on scientific wisdom and often hilarious personal anecdotes along the way.

    Marry Him Review

    Marry Him (2010) by Lori Gottlieb is a thought-provoking exploration of the social pressures and personal dilemmas surrounding the search for a partner. Here's why this book is worth reading:

    • Offers insightful perspectives on societal expectations and the unrealistic ideals that often hinder our chances of finding love.
    • Uses compelling stories and personal experiences to explore the complexities of modern relationships and the importance of choosing compatibility over superficial criteria.
    • Challenges conventional wisdom and encourages readers to rethink their priorities when it comes to love and relationships, ultimately leading to more fulfilling connections.

    Who should read Marry Him?

    • Women who are still looking for the perfect man
    • Students of love and what it means to have a fulfilling relationship
    • Anyone interested in women's personal journeys and discoveries

    About the Author

    Lori Gottlieb is a psychotherapist, bestselling author, podcast co-host and columnist. Her book Maybe You Should Talk to Someone (2019) sold over a million copies and is being developed into a TV series at the time of writing.  Gottlieb's 2019 Ted Talk, "How changing your story can change your life", was ranked in the top 10 most watched talks of that year. Marry Him is her third book. 

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    Marry Him FAQs 

    What is the main message of Marry Him?

    The main message of Marry Him is that finding lasting love requires adjusting our unrealistic expectations and being open to different types of partners.

    How long does it take to read Marry Him?

    The reading time for Marry Him varies depending on the reader's speed. However, the Blinkist summary can be read in just 15 minutes.

    Is Marry Him a good book? Is it worth reading?

    Marry Him is a thought-provoking read that challenges societal pressures and provides insights for finding lasting love. Highly recommended.

    Who is the author of Marry Him?

    The author of Marry Him is Lori Gottlieb.

    What to read after Marry Him?

    If you're wondering what to read next after Marry Him, here are some recommendations we suggest:
    • We Over Me by Khadeen & Devile Ellis
    • The Art of Loving by Erich Fromm
    • Don't Overthink It by Anne Bogel
    • Maybe You Should Talk To Someone by Lori Gottlieb
    • That Little Voice in Your Head by Mo Gawdat
    • Glad We Met by Steven G. Rogelberg
    • The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work by John M. Gottman and Nan Silver
    • The Power of the Pussy by Kara King
    • 7 Strategies for Wealth & Happiness by Jim Rohn
    • Securely Attached by Eli Harwood