The Art of Happiness summary

The Dalai Lama places great emphasis on developing and cultivating compassion. It is an important component of not only Buddhist spiritual development but also of robust, lasting happiness.

Compassion can be roughly defined as a state of mind that is nonaggressive: a wish to see others free from suffering. In true compassion, this wish is deep and universal, not related to personal feelings or to attachments to particular people. Rather, it applies to all living creatures, including friends, enemies, and even a fish writhing on a hook.

Having close, intimate relationships with other people promotes both physical and mental well-being, but the Western viewpoint that deep intimacy can only be achieved through a romantic relationship can be problematic. People who don’t find such a relationship often feel lonely and unhappy.

But in fact, the concept and limitations of intimacy have varied greatly across different times and cultures, and a wealth of intimacy lies beyond the exclusively romantic Western definition. The Dalai Lama himself said he felt an intimate connection with a wide array of people around him, for example his tutors and cooks; he even went as far as discussing state affairs with a cleaner sweeping the floors. By embracing the countless opportunities to connect to other people every day, we can lead happier lives.

An important ingredient of leading a happier life is spirituality.

The benefits of a strong religious conviction are well-documented in numerous studies and range from happier families to better health. But, contrary to what many people believe, spirituality is not dependent on any specific religion; the Dalai Lama believes any of the world’s major religions can offer people the opportunity for a happier life.

Suffering is a universal and perfectly natural quality of life. Eastern cultures seem to be more accepting of this fact, perhaps because people in Asia tend to live in closer proximity to poverty and daily suffering than their Western counterparts. Westerners tend not to understand that suffering is a part of life, and often see themselves as victims of some malign force when something goes wrong.

But suffering is inevitable; for example, all of us will grow old and die. Trying to avoid or ignore this fact is only a temporary solution. When you inevitably do encounter suffering in one form or another, your mental attitude becomes of paramount importance. If you fear suffering as something unnatural and unfair, you will feel like a victim and assign blame when you should be trying to eliminate the mental root causes of suffering.

The Dalai Lama believes that negative states of mind like anger and fear are obstructions that stop us from achieving our natural, happy state. They are poisons. But certain positive states of mind – love, compassion, patience, generosity – can act as antidotes to them, eliminating harmful emotions, attitudes and behaviors. Hence, to eliminate negativity, positive emotions and behaviors should be habitually cultivated.

This resembles the essential ideas behind Western cognitive therapy, where maladaptive behaviors and thinking are identified and, in a sense, corrected. Depressed people, for example, often have a distorted way of thinking: they may focus their thoughts exclusively on negative things, such as trouble at work or financial difficulties, and completely overlook the fact that they have much to be happy about, like good health and a charming family. Studies have proven that correcting these distorted modes of thinking can make people happier.

When people encounter a negative situation, they tend to see it, very rigidly, as 100 percent negative. Generally though, most situations contain both positive and negative elements and can be viewed from several alternative angles. For example, you might consider having to sit next to an annoying, flatulent person on a plane as a purely negative situation, or you could see it as an opportunity to practice patience and tolerance.

Such a switch can also help you find meaning in pain and suffering. When you next encounter obstacles in your life, do not wallow in self-pity and cry “Why me?!” but instead consider it a chance to become stronger. Find purpose in suffering, and thrive.

Of all the negative mental states, anger and hatred are the greatest obstacles to happiness. When a feeling of anger or hatred arises in us, it rapidly destroys our peace of mind. It also obliterates our judgment, often leading us to take actions that only worsen the situation and make us even angrier. Scientific studies have clearly demonstrated that tendencies toward anger, rage and hostility have negative health effects too; for example, they substantially increase a person’s risk of heart disease.

Anger and hatred cannot be overcome by simply suppressing them. On the other hand, venting anger, such as through raging and shouting, tends to increase negative feelings, not reduce them. Hence, the correct response to anger is to learn how to use the antidotes of patience and tolerance against it, and to cultivate them for example through meditative exercises.

Fear, anxiety and worry are things that all people experience from time to time – they are natural responses to certain circumstances – but when they become excessive or constant they can cause serious mental and even physical symptoms, such as weakened immune responses and heart disease.

The sources of anxiety are many, as are the preventative measures that can be applied. Much like the Western psychiatric practice of cognitive intervention, the Dalai Lama favors challenging the thoughts that generate anxiety and replacing them with positive ones.