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by Robin Sharma
Reclaiming the Lost Art of True Connection
"Listen Like You Mean It" by Ximena Vengoechea is a practical guide for improving communication skills. It explains how to hear what others are saying, ask better questions and create stronger relationships through active listening.
A young researcher, Eve, and her mentor, Mia, were exploring the issue of cyberbullying on their company’s platform. That process involved interviewing celebrities and others who regularly become the targets of abusive comments online.
Eve and Mia had gotten to their third interviewee when Eve made a serious conversational blunder. She said to the participant, “And the people who write mean things about you – you just ignore them, right?”
The participant responded that he actually found it difficult to ignore cyberbullies, though he wished he could. Eve responded, “Right, so you would ignore them. Makes sense.”
It’s easy to see the problem with Eve’s approach here. She was making assumptions based on what she’d heard from other interviewees, and she neglected to consider that this participant’s experience may have been entirely different.
The key message here is: Approach conversations with the intention of really focusing on and engaging with your partner.
Eve was doing what the author calls surface listening. This is when you hear the words that someone is literally saying but don’t bother paying attention to the underlying meaning. Surface listening might cause you to offer unsolicited advice, interrupt your conversation partner, or assume her experience has been the same as yours.
What you want to do instead is engage in empathetic listening, which involves making a concerted effort to understand the meaning behind your conversation partner’s words. This activates the listening loop – a virtuous cycle in which your partner feels free to express her emotions, and you in turn are encouraged to express your own.
To get in the mindset for empathetic listening, you’ll need to cultivate three distinct qualities: empathy, humility, and curiosity.
Empathy is all about being able to imagine what someone else is feeling without necessarily injecting your own experiences into the conversation. To foster this quality, remind yourself that the conversation isn’t all about you, and ask questions specific to the other person.
Next, there’s humility, which involves refraining from passing judgment on your conversation partner’s experiences. Remember that you don’t have all the answers, and reassure your partner that she’s free to share everything – the good, the bad, and the ugly.
Finally, there’s curiosity. Curiosity means being open to what your partner has to say, even if it’s not a topic toward which you’re naturally inclined. Find something that interests you in whatever your partner has to say, and you’ll open the door to a conversation that satisfies everyone.
Listen Like You Mean It (2021) is a friendly, comprehensive guide to deepening relationships through the power of listening. Too often, our conversations with family, friends, and coworkers remain superficial – we talk past each other, refrain from showing vulnerability, or get caught in a tangle of misunderstanding. With tips and scripts taken from the author’s experience as a user researcher, we can improve our listening skills and, in doing so, be heard and understood ourselves.
Listen Like You Mean It (2021) by Ximena Vengoechea is a thought-provoking book that provides valuable insights into the art of active listening and its impact on our personal and professional relationships. Here's why this book is definitely worth reading:
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Try Blinkist to get the key ideas from 7,500+ bestselling nonfiction titles and podcasts. Listen or read in just 15 minutes.
Start your free trialBlink 3 of 8 - The 5 AM Club
by Robin Sharma
What is the main message of Listen Like You Mean It?
The main message of Listen Like You Mean It is the power of effective communication through active listening.
How long does it take to read Listen Like You Mean It?
The reading time for Listen Like You Mean It varies depending on the reader. But the Blinkist summary can be read in just 15 minutes.
Is Listen Like You Mean It a good book? Is it worth reading?
Listen Like You Mean It is a valuable read for anyone seeking to improve their communication skills. It provides practical insights and techniques in a concise format.
Who is the author of Listen Like You Mean It?
The author of Listen Like You Mean It is Ximena Vengoechea.