Name: Getting Along
Rating: 3.2 (212 reviews)
Author: Amy Gallo

What’s in it for me? How a work frenemy can be your career’s biggest problem – or an asset.

Think of your work bestie. They might be the person who grabs an extra caffe latte for you on their way to the office, or they might be privy to all your in-law drama. Whatever it is that makes this person special, your close relationships are key to elevating a plain old nine-to-five to something you look forward to, that motivates and inspires you, and makes you look forward to coming to work every day.

Positive, supportive work relationships can help you become more creative, more productive, and happier, while negative workplace environments can reduce the quality of your work and life. In this very short Blink, you’ll learn how to manage your relationships and how to keep work a place you enjoy.

Workplace relationships strongly impact your work life, productivity, and happiness.

It might be a reasonable assumption that a Fortune 500 executive in a corner office has a better, happier work experience than someone toiling away on, say, a factory floor for minimum wage. Or maybe you’d make the safe bet that an aid worker for an inspirational social justice organization comes home feeling more joy and satisfaction than a fast-food worker.

Not so fast.

If that executive is surrounded by aggressive, hostile coworkers in a dog-eat-dog environment, but the factory worker has at least three good friends they enjoy joking with daily, the exact opposite could be true.

If that fast-food worker is supported by a caring boss while the aid worker’s ideas are constantly appropriated by their manager, handing fries out through a drive-through window may indeed be more rewarding work than addressing poverty.

When it comes to job satisfaction, workers in mundane jobs can feel just as satisfied and fulfilled as those with inspiring jobs. And just what is the secret to a satisfying work life? Salary and benefits matter, of course, but the most important factor for a satisfying work life might be plain old-fashioned social connections.

Here’s an interesting study that examined the effect of supportive people. Two groups were taken to the base of a hill, one group with solo climbers and the other group with paired-up climbers. Each person was given a heavy backpack and asked to estimate how steep the hill in front of them was. Those who were paired up overwhelmingly estimated a gentler, more doable climb than the ones who faced the prospect alone.

The opposite holds true as well. Studies show that those who are unhappy at work due to work relationships said they deliberately work less or less well. During the COVID-19 pandemic, one study found that people who reported being less productive also felt less connected.

In extreme situations, dealing with unpleasant or hostile work environments can even have a detrimental effect on your health. In one study, couples were separated into two groups. One group contained couples that fought a lot while the other had pairs who reported strong, supportive relationships. Tiny cuts were made on the participants’ skin. Those who were in the happier relationships actually healed faster!

You’re actually wired to be affected by how you’re treated by others. When your manager berates you in front of your colleagues, or you find out a coworker trashed your project behind your back, your brain feels like you were physically attacked. Your amygdala –an almond-shaped area in your brain – releases cortisol and adrenaline, fight-or-flight hormones that can lead to physical manifestations such as shallow breathing or a clenched jaw. Not fun – and in the long run, detrimental to your career.

So what should you do if you are trapped in a workplace with less-than-ideal relationships?

Managing negative interactions can help you coexist with difficult coworkers.

Austrian psychiatrist and holocaust survivor Viktor Frankl famously said: “Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is the power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.”

So let’s enter that space. First, observe your reactions. Let’s say you made a presentation and you’re upset because a coworker shrugged rather than clapped. You leave angrily because you feel like you bombed your presentation. But did you bomb it? Or are you operating from negativity bias, where you focus only on the one bad thing that happened even though several good things may also have occurred? Maybe you were so intent on the one negative reaction that you failed to take into account another coworker who nodded and smiled, or yet another who enthusiastically wrote down notes the whole time you talked.

A final thought

Maybe you’ve tried everything we mentioned in the Blink, but you still feel oppressed and unhappy at work.

Well, if the time has come to leave, do so with your head held high, but make sure you have a good option in front of you. Don’t run to get away from your problems. Instead, run toward something better.

Kernaussagen in Getting Along