What is the main message of The Sweet Spot?

The main message of The Sweet Spot is finding the perfect balance between effort and enjoyment in life.

Who is the author of The Sweet Spot?

The author of The Sweet Spot is Paul Bloom.

Psychology

The Sweet Spot Book Summary - The Sweet Spot Book explained in key points

Listen to the Intro

00:00

The Sweet Spot summary

Name: The Sweet Spot
Rating: 4.5 (756 reviews)
Author: Paul Bloom

Paul Bloom

The Pleasures of Suffering and the Search For Meaning

4.5 (756 ratings)

21 mins

Brief summary

The Sweet Spot by Paul Bloom explores the importance of pleasure and how we should be seeking it out more in our lives. Bloom argues that by enhancing or adding pleasures to our lives, we can improve our overall well-being and happiness.

Topics

Meaningful Living The Brain Social Psychology The Human Condition

Table of Contents

The Sweet Spot
Summary of 5 key ideas

Audio & text in the Blinkist app

Key idea 1 of 5

What's in it for me? Find the sweet spot between pain and pay-off.

So, you like salt and vinegar crisps. You like the pinch at the back corner of your mouth, and though it doesn’t overwhelm, you love the sensory kick it gives you. Or maybe you’re into habanero sauce; you're into the perfumey fragrance of the chili that snakes its way through your sinuses – that fiery, blinding pain that stops everything, all thought and time. How about pushing yourself at the gym – doing that one last squat as your thighs quiver at the exertion?

Sounds like punishment, but there’s always a pay-off. There’s always gratification at the end of these ordeals.

So what is it about that feeling – that mix of pleasure and pain? Why do so many of us microdose on uncomfortable experiences like this? Is this our way of flirting with our mortality? We all know that at some point we’ll meet death and so maybe this is a way of forcing ourselves to remember that life is meant to be felt.

OK, yes, with some perspective, the kind of pain that I’ve just described can be read as “trivial” – a fleeting, instant bit of suffering, for a moment of pleasure. So what about the more serious or more meaningful choices that we make voluntarily that also result in the potential for pain? Like going to fight in a war, or donating a kidney? What’s going on there – why do so many of us sign up for that?

These are some of the conundrums The Sweet Spot gets into. It doesn’t claim to be the authority on the human appetite for pain and suffering, but it does share some interesting insights, which can give us pause for thought.

The pleasures of pain

Recently some of my friends have gotten into winter dipping. It’s this thing where in the bright, crisp coldness of winter, they go out to a lake, strip down into their swimming gear, brace themselves against the freezing air, and then, with their hands raised above their heads, wade into the icy water until they’re neck-deep. It’s so cold they can only be in there for a few seconds. But when they come back, they aren’t shivering intensely, as you might expect – they’re buzzing with energy, laughing, sparkling with an almost uncontainable joy.You probably have your own version of that type of experience, where you put yourself in an intense situation to feel something that’s both uncomfortable and blissful – too-much, but in a good way. These experiences all fall under a category researcher Paul Rozin calls “benign masochism.”Masochism was described by Freud as a pathology, a sign that we are mentally ill. I mean, choosing to hurt ourselves goes against all our survival instincts, doesn’t it? But benign masochism involves experiences that aren’t harmful or destructive in the long run. These kinds of experiences can actually make our lives more pleasurable.

Okay, now you might be wondering: How could short-term pain lead to pleasure?

Getting out of your head, and finding joy in effort

But contrast isn’t the only reason that people choose punishing experiences. There’s another very important motive, and this is it: pain can get us out of our heads.

To illustrate this, let’s look at the practice of BDSM. BDSM stands for “Bondage, Domination, Submission, Masochism.” It’s a sexual practice that’s been popularized by books like 50 Shades of Grey, and it’s a practice that involves power play, where one partner dominates another, sometimes with the use of pain. Participants could be tied up, or whipped, or spanked, or choked, or even shocked with an electric current. A very important proviso here, though: BDSM is consensual. All participants explicitly agree on what they’re comfortable doing, before they get into it. And like other benignly masochistic practices, the one experiencing the pain always, always has the power to stop it. And that’s absolutely essential to how BDSM is performed.

What’s the point? Meaning and purpose and other reflections

But there’s something missing – there must be more. The joy of being in the flow, or mastering new skills, isn’t enough to explain why people sign up for very grueling and dangerous situations, like climbing Mt. Everest, or going to war. For that, we need to introduce another important concept: meaning.

Renowned psychiatrist Viktor Frankl studied human resilience and flourishing in horrific circumstances. He found that people who felt their lives had a broader purpose – or meaning – were more resilient. In contrast to people who had no sense of their own lives having any significance, those equipped with a sense of purpose were able to rebuild their lives after great loss.Moments ago, I talked about the joys of effort and mastery – of doing a task for its own sake. But that’s only part of the story, because we don’t value effort equally. It might be tiring to climb up and down a flight of steps 5,000 times and, similarly, to climb Mt. Kilimanjaro. But while the former activity seems kind of pointless, maybe even a bit crazy, climbing a mountain seems brave and noble, even if there’s suffering involved. That’s because it’s seen as being a meaningful goal. In the same vein, if we want to understand why people volunteer to fight in dangerous wars, we have to consider the sense of meaning and purpose derived from that choice. What, for new recruits, is attractive about war? Well, for one, it gives them a sense of belonging – that they’re important and fighting a worthwhile cause. Yes, they may be sacrificing their lives, but their feeling is that it’s not for nothing. It’s for their group, or their country, or an ideal like “liberty.” It makes them feel like their lives have value, that they mean something because of the potential legacy of that sacrifice.But the decision to go to war may seem like a more fringe, extreme choice. A lot of us wouldn’t find the pull for meaning from that to be as strong. So let’s introduce a more popular choice in this pursuit for meaning – having children.

The components of a meaningful life

In 1988, Life Magazine asked the Dalai Lama, Maya Angelou and over a hundred other luminaries of the time, to reflect on what made life meaningful. As you can imagine, their answers differed widely. But they can be categorized as falling under four main themes.

Firstly, they described meaningful experiences as those which allowed them to connect with other people, and feel a sense of belonging.

Want to see all full key ideas from The Sweet Spot ?

Key ideas in The Sweet Spot

More knowledge in less time

Read or listen

Get the key ideas from nonfiction bestsellers in minutes, not hours.

Find your next read

Get book lists curated by experts and personalized recommendations.

Shortcasts ^New

We’ve teamed up with podcast creators to bring you key insights from podcasts.

What is The Sweet Spot about?

The Sweet Spot (2021) is a refreshing antidote to all the books we read about being positive at all costs. It argues that negative experiences like pain, suffering, and discomfort are not something to be shied away from. In fact, they can add value to our lives. Instead of trying to avoid discomfort, we need to find the right discomfort. That is, the kind of challenge that makes our lives meaningful.

The Sweet Spot Review

The Sweet Spot by Paul Bloom (2017) explores the complexity of pleasure and the psychology behind our desires. Here's why this book is worth reading:

Offers fascinating insights into the science of pleasure and why we enjoy what we do, allowing readers to understand themselves and others on a deeper level.
Explores how our desires are shaped by a combination of biology, culture, and personal experience, providing a well-rounded perspective on what brings us happiness.
Challenges common assumptions about pleasure, providing fresh perspectives that will make readers question their own beliefs and broaden their understanding of the human experience.

Who should read The Sweet Spot ?

Self-help fans who are tired of all the toxic positivity
Psychology lovers looking for an original perspective on how pain and suffering affect our lives
Reflective seekers looking to understand what will give their lives a sense of purpose

About the Author

Paul Bloom, a psychologist, teaches at the University of Toronto. He’s also the Brooks and Suzanne Ragen Professor Emeritus of Psychology at Yale University. A prolific writer, he’s been published in scientific journals as well as the New Yorker and the Atlantic. His other books include Just Babies, How Pleasure Works, and Against Empathy.

Categories with The Sweet Spot

Psychology Science Mindfulness & Happiness

Book summaries like The Sweet Spot

Against Empathy

Paul Bloom

The Case for Rational Compassion

The Story of the Human Mind

17 min

3.9

Experiments With People

Robert P. Abelson

Revelations From Social Psychology

24 min

4.4

100 Ways to Change Your Life

Liz Moody

The Science of Leveling Up Health, Happiness, Relationships and Success

Nature’s Lessons for a Kinder Society

14 min

4.2

The Power of Writing It Down

Allison Fallon

A Simple Habit to Unlock Your Brain and Reimagine Your Life

An Easy & Proven Way to Build Good Habits & Break Bad Ones

The Secret History of China's Most Powerful Company

18 min

4.1

Masters of Uncertainty

Rich Diviney

The Navy SEAL Way to Turn Stress into Success for You and Your Team

Feel Younger, Be Happier, Live Longer

18 min

4.3

In the Realm of Hungry Ghosts

Gabor Maté

Close Encounters with Addiction

How Existential Psychology Can Help Us Build Meaningful Lives in Absurd Times

Brave work. Tough conversations. Whole hearts.

A Guide to Overcoming Fear and Self-Doubt

Analysis and Engineering of Human Behavior

20 min

Careless People

Sarah Wynn-Williams

A Cautionary Tale of Power, Greed, and Lost Idealism

18 min

Savor

Thich Nhat Hanh and Lilian Cheung

Mindful Eating, Mindful Life

21 min

4.1

I Never Thought of It That Way

Mónica Guzmán

How to Have Fearlessly Curious Conversations in Dangerously Divided Times

17 min

4.2

The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck

Mark Manson

A Counterintuitive Approach to Living a Good Life

How Living with Less Can Lead to So Much More

13 min

4.3

Man’s Search for Meaning

Viktor Frankl

The harrowing experiences of the author in a concentration camp

How Attention Became the World's Most Endangered Resource

26 min

4.2

The Two Fundamental Problems of Ethics

Arthur Schopenhauer

A rigorous investigation of moral philosophy’s deepest questions

The Story of Ideas That Fly

11 min

4.1

Digital Transformation at Scale

Andrew Greenway

Why the Strategy Is Delivery

17 min

Psychological Types

Carl Jung

Collected works from the supreme theorist of the conscious

20 min

4.5

Good Vibes, Good Life

Vex King

How Self-Love Is the Key to Unlocking Your Greatness

Work Less, Worry Less, Succeed More, Enjoy More

13 min

3.8

Good Morning, I Love You

Shauna Shapiro

Mindfulness and Self-Compassion Practices to Rewire Your Brain

18 min

4.5

Life in Three Dimensions

Shigehiro Oishi

How Curiosity, Exploration, and Experience Make a Fuller, Better Life

You Are Always In The Right Place At The Right Time

Timeless Stoic and Buddhist philosophy

The Story Of Humanity

19 min

Buffett and Munger Unscripted

Warren E. Buffett

Insights from Decades of Berkshire Hathaway Shareholder Meetings

How I Tamed the Voice in My Head, Reduced Stress without Losing My Edge and Found Self-Help That Actually Works

13 min

4.2

On the Origin of Species

Charles Darwin

By Means of Natural Selection, or the Preservation of Favoured Races in the Struggle for Life

23 min

4.6

Breaking The Habit of Being Yourself

Joe Dispenza

How to Lose Your Mind and Create a New One

Negotiating Disagreement Without Giving Up Or Giving in

A Classic on the Reality of Change and Colonialism in Nigeria

7 min

3.7

21 Lessons for the 21st Century

Yuval Noah Harari

Future proof yourself against the 21st Century

The Nine Public-Speaking Secrets of the World’s Top Minds

Overcome Overwhelm, Beat Busy, and Sustain Success in the New World of Work

How to Boost Your Sex IQ and Own Your Pleasure

Go After What You Want and Get It

21 min

KIND

Graham Allcott

The Quiet Power of Kindness at Work

18 min

4.4

Millennial Money

Patrick O’Shaughnessy

How Young Investors Can Build a Fortune

15 min

3.9

How to Finish Everything You Start

Jan Yager

Habits to Transform Your Life

The Fall of Big Data and the Rise of the Blockchain Economy

23 min

3.9

The Whole Brain Business Book

Ann Herrmann-Nehdi

Unlocking the Power of Whole Brain Thinking

21 min

From Strength to Strength

Arthur C. Brooks

Finding Success, Happiness, and Deep Purpose in the Second Half of Life

19 min

4.5

People ❤️ Blinkist

Sven O.

It's highly addictive to get core insights on personally relevant topics without repetition or triviality. Added to that the apps ability to suggest kindred interests opens up a foundation of knowledge.

Thi Viet Quynh N.

Great app. Good selection of book summaries you can read or listen to while commuting. Instead of scrolling through your social media news feed, this is a much better way to spend your spare time in my opinion.

Jonathan A.

Life changing. The concept of being able to grasp a book's main point in such a short time truly opens multiple opportunities to grow every area of your life at a faster rate.

Renee D.

Great app. Addicting. Perfect for wait times, morning coffee, evening before bed. Extremely well written, thorough, easy to use.