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Name: Survival of the Friendliest
Rating: 4.3 (119 reviews)
Author: Brian Hare and Vanessa Wood

Brian Hare and Vanessa Wood

Understanding Our Origins and Rediscovering Our Common Humanity

4.3 (119 ratings)

27 mins

Topics

Anthropology

Table of Contents

Survival of the Friendliest
Summary of 8 key ideas

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Key idea 1 of 8

What’s in it for me? An evolutionary history of friendship.

To the layman, the phrase “survival of the fittest” means the natural world is all about competition. Only the roughest, toughest, and most cut-throat species make it out alive. However, Survival of the Friendliest posits an entirely different perspective: that friends matter more than fights.

By examining evolutionary history, these blinks argue that only focusing on brute force and aggression downplays the important role of social skills. In fact, throughout history, friendship, family, and community may have been the true reason for human survival.

You’ll learn why evolutionary pressure helped Homo sapiens get along and how the ability to forge friendships and coordinate relationships allowed us to conquer the planet.

In these blinks, you’ll find out

what it takes to domesticate a fox;
why bonobos are better neighbors than chimps; and
how having pets makes us better people.

Humans have evolved special cognitive skills to help us cooperate.

Let’s start with a fun game: Take two cups and hide a treat or colorful toy under one of them. Then, present the pair of cups to a baby. Will they be able to find the prize?

The answer is yes! That is, if you give them a hint. Just point to the correct cup and watch what happens. By nine months old, most infants can recognize this gesture as an attempt to communicate something important. They’ll follow your finger and investigate the indicated item.

It may not seem amazing, but it is. It shows that even as children, humans can recognize that other people can harbor knowledge and intentions beyond their own. This is called theory of mind, and it’s one of humanity's greatest achievements.

The key message here is: Humans have evolved special cognitive skills to help us cooperate.

At first, theory of mind may seem like a basic cognitive faculty. After all, it seems obvious that other people have their own thoughts, feelings, and individual experiences that may be different from our own. However, this is actually a sophisticated concept that we don’t share with even our closest evolutionary relatives.

Try playing the same two cup game with a chimpanzee. You’ll quickly end up frustrated. Even if the chimp knows there’s food under one of the cups, they won’t recognize your pointing as a helpful gesture. They’ll simply guess. After playing dozens of times, a chimp may catch on a little, but change the gesture even a small bit, and it’s back to square one.

Interestingly, dogs fare a bit better. If you point to the correct cup, they’ll usually investigate that object over the other one. While it remains unclear if they understand the intention of our gestures, they at least instinctively follow them.

Why the difference? Well, we’ve domesticated dogs. Throughout history, we’ve fed and bred dogs that follow our commands. This gave an evolutionary advantage to ones that cooperate well with human communication. Chimps haven’t had this evolutionary pressure; therefore, they haven’t evolved the cognitive ability to really apprehend our gestures.

So, the ability to conceive of other minds and communicate with them is an evolved trait. But, that leaves us with the question: Out of all the species of animals on Earth, why do humans have the most honed ability to understand theory of mind? As we’ll see in the next blinks, evolution could provide some answers.

Friendliness is a genetic trait that corresponds to greater communication abilities.

In 1959, the geneticist Dmitry Belyaev moved from Moscow to the far off city of Novosibirsk in Siberia. Here, far from the skeptical eye of Stalin’s government, he began a long-running experiment. Today, you can see the results of his work. Actually, you can pick them up and pet them.

You see, Belyaev’s experiment was an attempt to domesticate foxes — and he succeeded. The scientist began with two groups of wild foxes. One group was left alone, while the others were only allowed to breed if they showed ample affinity for humans.

The friendly bonobo shows all the telltale signs of self-domestication.

Would you like to live among chimpanzees? Sure, at first it may sound appealing. Maybe chimp life is all about lounging in the jungle and monkeying around. Unfortunately, the reality is a little less lovely.

Chimpanzee society can actually be quite brutal. Male chimps routinely patrol their territory and will aggressively attack any interlopers. Even worse, during mating season, they’ll violently assault potential mates. Female chimps aren’t much better. They’ll often fight each other and sometimes even kill their rivals’ children.

Human evolution seems to have favored friendliness.

You're walking down the street when a stranger passes by. You don’t know him, but his soft, kind face makes him seem trustworthy and reliable. He’s the type you’d ask for directions if you needed help. Actually, these sorts of friendly faces are all around us. But why?

Our outward appearance isn’t merely random or superficial. Just the opposite. The contours and dimensions of the modern human face indicate some serious changes within our minds. Remember how Belyaev’s Siberian foxes changed their physical features as they became more amiable? Our early ancestors may have undergone the same process.

Our brains have evolved to form powerful social bonds, even with strangers.

Flashing lights, loud music, fluid dancing, and an intense, irrepressible desire to hug everyone in sight. These are some known side effects of illicit ecstasy use. This drug, sometimes called MDMA, is popular at raves, nightclubs, and other hedonistic social environments. It’s easy to understand why. Taking a dose floods the brain with serotonin and oxytocin, two chemicals closely linked to happiness, elation, and other positive emotions.

In most countries, buying ecstasy is illegal. However, luckily for people seeking positive vibes, evolution has made it possible to get a hit of serotonin and oxytocin the old-fashioned way. Just gaze into someone’s eyes.

Our strong social bonds can make outsiders seem less human.

Clearly, our natural affinity for collaboration and friendliness has helped our species thrive for millennia. Yet, even though our ancestors relied on each other to survive, our human family is not completely free of friction and strife. Consider the story of Rachel.

Born in the Democratic Republic of the Congo, Rachel hailed from the Banyamulenge community, a small ethnic group known as the Black Jews of Africa. While her childhood was peaceful, her later life was marred by brutal conflict. Throughout the nineties, the Banyamulenge people were continually marginalized and attacked by other political and ethnic groups. The horror culminated in 2004 when an outside rebel group attacked Rachel’s refugee camp and killed her entire family.

We can foster tolerance with close, casual contact with others.

Poland, 1941. The Nazis are busy with the horrific work of rounding up Jewish families into inhumane ghettos. Many of the local population are cowed by the occupying forces and do little to slow the process. However, Andrzej Pitynski refused to stand idly by.

Pitynski, despite being non-Jewish, risks his life to smuggle food to those in need. Even after he’s caught and punished, he and his wife work tirelessly to rescue Jewish people throughout the war.

Our treatment of animals mirrors our treatment of each other.

During the Second Congo War, conservationist Claudine André had a problem. Kinshasa, her home city, was under siege. Bombs fell every day. Clean water and reliable electricity were both hard to come by. To top it all off, André had to take care of a dozen bonobos in these harsh conditions.

It wasn’t easy, but André went to great lengths to keep the vulnerable apes alive and happy. She let them live in her home, and each day drove them to a secluded forest to play and socialize. After the war, she set up dozens of Kindness Clubs. In these small sanctuaries, local children could meet the bonobos and learn about their lives.

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What is Survival of the Friendliest about?

Survival of the Friendliest (2020) presents a scientific look at the origins of human sociability. This history of humanity demonstrates how evolutionary pressure made us the friendly, community-oriented species we are today.

Best quote from Survival of the Friendliest

The same parts of our brain that tamed our nature and facilitated cooperative communication sowed the seed for the worst in us.

—Brian Hare and Vanessa Wood

Who should read Survival of the Friendliest?

Loners looking for an empirical reason to mingle
History buffs seeking a deep look at ancient communities
Anyone interested in an evolutionary take on human friendship

About the Author

Brian Hare is a professor of evolutionary anthropology at Duke University's Center for Cognitive Neuroscience and co-author of The Genius of Dogs, a New York Times best seller.

Vanessa Woods is a research scientist at the Duke Center for Cognitive Neuroscience, the co-author of The Genius of Dogs, and the author of her own title Bonobo Handshake.

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