The Happiness Trap Buchzusammenfassung - das Wichtigste aus The Happiness Trap

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Zusammenfassung von The Happiness Trap

Name: The Happiness Trap
Rating: 4.6 (388 reviews)
Author: Russ Harris

Russ Harris

How to Stop Struggling and Start Living

4.6 (388 Bewertungen)

18 Min.

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The Happiness Trap
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What’s in it for me? Escape from the happiness trap with the help of the six principles of Acceptance and Commitment Therapy.

Cinderella found her prince. Harry Potter defeated the wicked Voldemort. Ross and Rachel finally got back together on Friends.

Notice a common theme? They’re all happy endings. And while we all aspire to live our own happy endings, life, unfortunately, often doesn’t cooperate.

You’ll experience unpleasant thoughts and feelings at some point in your life. It's just a part of being human. But here's the thing: that unpleasantness isn’t the real problem. The problem comes when you try to get rid of those bad feelings just so you can feel happy. Doing so gets you stuck in the so-called “happiness trap,” a never-ending loop in which you try to eliminate the unpleasant thoughts and feelings, only to end up more miserable in the end.

Take Danielle’s case, for instance. She’s so unhappy with her weight that she turns to chocolates to feel better. At first, it seems to do the trick – but only until she gets hounded by thoughts of gaining more weight. This makes her feel even worse than before. And what does she do to try to feel better again? You guessed it – she goes for more chocolates.

So how do you break out of the happiness trap? Through Acceptance and Commitment Therapy, or ACT for short. It’s a research-based therapy developed by American clinical psychologist Steven Hayes that has helped patients with all sorts of problems – from something as serious as chronic schizophrenia to everyday issues like stress at work.

ACT isn’t about seeking the fleeting kind of happiness. Instead, it teaches you ways to deal with unpleasant thoughts and feelings effectively, so you can lead a meaningful life. In this Blink, we’ll tackle ACT’s six core principles in detail. Let’s get started!

Principle #1. Using your observing self, not your thinking self

Suppose you’re on a nature trail. You’re looking at the butterflies flit from flower to flower. You’re listening to the rustling of the leaves of the towering trees. You’re feeling the summer breeze as it whooshes past you. You’re observing, watching, surveying the scenery with a clear and quiet mind.

Then, a few seconds in, lots of thoughts start popping up in your head. Wow, I haven’t seen such a beautiful butterfly! Oh, that’s a pretty strong wind. The sun’s too hot –I should’ve brought an umbrella.

These are the two parts of yourself in action: the observing self and the thinking self.

The observing self is the one doing all the watching. It doesn’t think or generate thoughts and opinions about the nature trail. It simply observes. When you’re tuned in to your observing self, you become aware of and focus on the experience rather than thinking about the experience.

The other part of you in action is the thinking self. It judges the couple walking ahead of you on the nature trail. It remembers how many steps you’ve taken so far. It tells you things like how annoying the heat is. Essentially, any thought or image that comes up in your head is the work of your thinking self.

In Acceptance and Commitment Therapy – or ACT, for short – the observing self is what matters more. It is with this that you can see the things you do and the things around you with no sort of analysis or opinion whatsoever.

The observing self is always readily accessible to us, but because it is hidden by the non-stop thoughts created by the thinking self, we sometimes forget that it’s there. To help you tune in to your observing self, try this exercise.

Look around you and pick something to observe. It may be the sound of the crying baby next door or the sight of your foot dangling from the chair. Observe it as if it’s a brand new thing for you. Then, take note of who is doing the observation. Yes, obviously it’s you, but specifically, it’s your observing self. It’s your observing self who’s listening closely to the baby's cries and watching your foot hanging from the chair.

But how exactly can the observing self help you escape the happiness trap? That’s what you’ll find out in the next sections.

Principle #2. Defusing your unhelpful thoughts

The mind is an incredible thing. It helps you shape your environment to your exact liking and conjures solutions to your most complex problems.

However, your mind can also lead to your downfall. That’s because of the thinking self’s never-ending broadcast of thoughts and images, most of which are unhelpful and don’t motivate you to build the fulfilling life you’re after.

Principle #3. Expanding yourself to give your unpleasant feelings space

This may come as a surprise, but emotions are not what you think they are. Just as thoughts are merely words, emotions are merely sensations – physical changes happening in your body. These sensations then get labeled by the thinking self, and this label, in turn, becomes the word that we associate with that sensation. For instance, your thinking self says that sweaty hands and a fast heartbeat mean anxiety, or that a jittery stomach means you’re in love. Take away those judgments and opinions, and what you get is simply complex body changes.

Emotions play a big part in your journey to creating a fulfilling life because there will inevitably be times when you encounter difficult emotions like fear, sadness, and embarrassment. No matter how hard you try, you can never get rid of them entirely. What you can do, however, is stop wasting time wallowing in your unpleasant feelings and instead redirect your attention to what really matters.

Principle #4. Connecting with the present moment

Have you ever found yourself lost in thought? Say you’re on a fancy dinner date. Your attention isn’t on the food or what your partner is saying. It’s on the meeting with your boss yesterday, or the movie you’ll be watching later that night.

That’s exactly the work of your thinking self. All throughout the day, it incessantly throws random thoughts at you, either about the past or the future. At least one of those would surely reel you in.

Principle #5. Determining your values

A rich and fulfilling life is one driven by values. But what exactly are values?

At its core, a value is something you stand for – it’s what’s important to you, and speaks to what sort of person you want to be. It’s what gives you a sense of purpose.

Principle #6. Acting in accordance with your values and being persistent

You’re finally at the last principle of Acceptance and Commitment Therapy. You already know how to tune in to your observing self and how to use defusion, expansion, and connection to change the way you view unpleasant thoughts and feelings. You’re also done determining what your values are.

Now it’s time for the last principle – taking values-guided action. This starts with writing down your values. Yes, identify them again – but this time, list only the ones from which you feel most disconnected. These are the values you want to have but aren't putting into practice yet. You’ll be working on them first.

Final Summary

Unpleasant thoughts and feelings will come up in your pursuit of a rich and meaningful life – but with the help of the six core principles of Acceptance and Commitment Therapy, you can change the way you handle these thoughts and feelings.

Just reading about the six core principles isn’t enough, however. You need to apply them to your daily life as well. Take action. A life of purpose and satisfaction awaits.

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Worum geht es in The Happiness Trap?

The Happiness Trap (2007) is a self-help guide to pursuing a richer and more rewarding life instead of fleeting feelings of happiness. It outlines the six core principles of Acceptance and Commitment Therapy that can help you tackle unpleasant thoughts and feelings and build a fulfilling life.

Wer The Happiness Trap lesen sollte

Anyone seeking happiness and failing
People dealing with mental health problems
People who want to start living meaningfully

Über den Autor

Russ Harris is a doctor and therapist who trained with the developers of the Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) model. He now runs online training courses to teach other health professionals about this therapy model.

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