Status Anxiety Book Summary - Status Anxiety Book explained in key points

Status Anxiety summary

Name: Status Anxiety
Rating: 4.5 (259 reviews)
Author: Alain de Botton

Alain de Botton

How social isolation and meritocracy cause fear of underachievement and how to solve this

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What is Status Anxiety about?

Status Anxiety (2005) diagnoses a problem unique to modern Western societies: the fear of being perceived as unsuccessful. While our desire to climb to ever-higher rungs on the social ladder can inspire and motivate us, it can also lead to anxiety and depression. This book examines the causes of our anxiety about status and suggests a few antidotes that might help us face our fears.

About the Author

Alain de Botton is a philosopher, author, and founder of the School of Life, an institute that teaches emotional intelligence and aims to help people lead more fulfilling lives. He is the bestselling author of The Architecture of Happiness and How Proust Can Change Your Life.

Table of Contents

Key idea 1 of 10

A lack of love causes our anxiety to skyrocket.

What drives someone to want to constantly accumulate larger and larger sums of money? The answer that immediately comes to mind might be a simple one – greed. But there’s a small hole in that argument. If greed were the only factor, why would someone continue to desire more money, even after she’s reached an amount of wealth that couldn’t be spent in, say, five generations?

If people accumulated wealth for material reasons only – like wanting a bigger house or a fancier car – they would eventually run out of things to buy, and their pursuit of money would stop. But we know that’s not the case, so the root cause must be something else.

Consider the way we treat people of high status versus those of low status. Even the language we use when talking about each group is different. People who hold important positions in society are “somebodies,” while everyone else is a “nobody.” It’s impossible to actually be nobody, of course, but all too often, low-status people have their identities ignored or denied.

So, the quest for status might actually be about respect, and even love – not romantic love, but a feeling that your existence matters to someone.

Why is love so important, and lovelessness so destructive? Well, most of us are unsure of our own value, and our identities are very much based on the perceptions of others. If you tell a joke and everyone laughs, your confidence in the idea that you’re a funny person will grow. On the other hand, if people avert their eyes when you walk into a room, it won’t be long before you start feeling worthless and anxious.

Our self-esteem is so fragile. Think of it as a balloon with a hole – this leaky self-esteem balloon constantly needs to be refilled with the “helium” of external love so as not to deflate completely. Meanwhile, other actions – even small ones, like not being greeted enthusiastically enough or having our calls repeatedly unanswered – can suck more air out of the balloon.

So, it’s not surprising that we’re anxious about our place in the world. In our current society, our status determines how much love and respect we’ll receive from others and, as a result, whether we can confidently love ourselves.

As we reach adulthood, we come into contact with snobs who we’re constantly striving to please.

When you were a baby, what exactly did you do that inspired everyone around to ooh, and ahh, and fawn over you? It probably wasn’t your crying, screaming, and burping – it was just the fact that you were alive, not to mention small and cute.

Sadly, as we get older, our social circle expands to start including people who don’t respect and love us unconditionally. Instead, we need to earn their approval and admiration. And often, those we’re trying to impress are self-important snobs.

Anxiety results when reality doesn’t live up to our expectations.

If you tried to list all the advantages we in modern society have when compared to, say, medieval Europeans, you might need a couple of hours. Not only were everyday conveniences rare for the peasantry, but they also had to cope with famine and disease while the rich kept a safe distance. Most people’s status anxiety must have been through the roof, right?

Actually, while our material comforts have increased exponentially in the last two thousand years, so have our levels of status anxiety. Why haven’t we managed to achieve mental stability alongside physical comfort?

In a highly meritocratic society, poverty leads to low self-esteem.

Picture a scene from medieval Europe: a lord and lady decked out in their richest garb, sipping wine and strolling through well-manicured gardens. Peasants labor in the fields and in their tiny huts not too far away. Now ask yourself – did the lord and lady ever fear being struck by misfortune and becoming peasants, and did the peasant seriously aspire to one day become a lord?

In the past, status was pretty much immutable. In fact, it was extraordinarily difficult to stop being a lord if you wanted to, even as it was basically impossible to stop being a laborer. But despite the lack of social mobility, the working classes of medieval and pre-modern Europe had one significant source of comfort – Christianity. To them, rich and poor people existed not because some had worked harder to achieve their status than others, but simply because God had willed it. Both groups had a recognized place in society, and even if the rich looked condescendingly upon the poor, each recognized the other’s role.

Success is often bestowed at the mercy of our employers and the economy.

Most of us grow up assuming that, one day, we’ll need to find a job and be employed by someone else. But just 200 years ago, in 1800, only 20 percent of the American workforce was employed by another person. By 1900, that figure rose to 50 percent, and by 2000, 90 percent.

In today’s work environment, much of our own success is tied to our employer’s. But unfortunately, the conditions of labor don’t tend to be weighted in the employees’ favor.

Philosophy challenges existing worldviews and helps us redefine what constitutes virtue.

A story goes that when Alexander the Great visited Corinth in the early fifth century BC, he found the philosopher Diogenes dressed in rags and sitting underneath a tree. When Alexander asked him if he could do anything to help, Diogenes simply responded, “Yes, if you could step out of the way. You are blocking the sun” – with no heed for the fact that Alexander was the most powerful person in the world at the time.

Diogenes, of course, understood the difference between kindness and ridicule – what he had decided to ignore was the rule set provided by the traditional honor code. From its origins right up to the present day, philosophers have questioned the status quo, forcing us to ask ourselves why we value what we do. Instead of blindly accepting others’ perceptions of them as reality, philosophers used reason to assess other people's judgments.

Art allows us to elevate the beauty and significance of ordinary lives.

In Industrial Revolution-era England, art and practicality were butting heads. Those in favor of practicality argued that art can’t build factories, lay railways, or plan new cities. Art-supporters, on the other hand, claimed that art could offer solutions to some of life’s most deep-set anxieties.

“Art is the criticism of life,” wrote Matthew Arnold, a poetry professor at Oxford, and one of art’s biggest defenders at the time. What did he mean by that statement? Perhaps just that there are things about life worth criticizing – including our approach to status.

Remember that status hinges on the values and politics of the particular society in which you live.

It’s easy to fall into the trap of thinking that our modern society’s definition of success is natural or universal. But, societies throughout history have had wildly different ideas about who deserves status and who doesn’t.

Take the ancient Spartans. An ideal Spartan was an aggressive man with bulging muscles and a disinterest in family life. He didn’t know how to count, because doing so would indicate a commercial spirit, and he lived and breathed battle – so much that he was only allowed one night per month with his wife. If his children were born “weak,” they would be taken into the mountains and left to die.

Understanding the scale and scope of history helps us understand the equality of all people.

According to the ancient Greek historian Herodotus, the ancient Egyptians had a custom of bringing out stretchers carrying skeletons and passing them between the tables at the end of great feasts. Was this to make partygoers even more keen to drink and dance, or to send them back home on a serious note?

Unfortunately, Herodotus doesn’t give us an answer. In either case, though, the thought of death brings people closer to whatever they value in life, whether it’s partying by the banks of the Nile or choosing to stop partying and do something else. Though it might seem morbid at first, the reminder of death, or memento mori, helps us cast off other people’s opinions and reassess what is truly important to us.

Bohemians upend the social order by refusing to participate in society in a traditional way.

When you hear the word “bohemian,” you might picture a young, hippie-ish man or woman with messy hair, baggy clothing, and the job title of poet or artist. While bohemian fashion is now a modern fad, bohemia itself actually began in the early nineteenth century. The term defined a loose group of people who dressed simply, lived in cheap areas, valued art over business, and sometimes had nontraditional sex lives.

The bourgeoisie first came into prominence around Napoleon’s fall in 1815. Shortly after, the bohemians rose up to oppose almost everything they stood for – primarily materialism and triviality. Most importantly, bohemians challenged traditional ideas of who deserved status and for what reason.

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Who should read Status Anxiety

Social climbers who want to reevaluate their motivations
People who feel stressed about underachievement
Anyone who has ever looked down on someone for being a “nobody”

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Status Anxiety summary

Listen to the first key idea

What is Status Anxiety about?

About the Author

A lack of love causes our anxiety to skyrocket.

As we reach adulthood, we come into contact with snobs who we’re constantly striving to please.

Anxiety results when reality doesn’t live up to our expectations.

In a highly meritocratic society, poverty leads to low self-esteem.

Success is often bestowed at the mercy of our employers and the economy.

Philosophy challenges existing worldviews and helps us redefine what constitutes virtue.

Art allows us to elevate the beauty and significance of ordinary lives.

Remember that status hinges on the values and politics of the particular society in which you live.

Understanding the scale and scope of history helps us understand the equality of all people.

Bohemians upend the social order by refusing to participate in society in a traditional way.

Key ideas in Status Anxiety

A lack of love causes our anxiety to skyrocket.

As we reach adulthood, we come into contact with snobs who we’re constantly striving to please.

Anxiety results when reality doesn’t live up to our expectations.

In a highly meritocratic society, poverty leads to low self-esteem.

Success is often bestowed at the mercy of our employers and the economy.

Philosophy challenges existing worldviews and helps us redefine what constitutes virtue.

Art allows us to elevate the beauty and significance of ordinary lives.

Remember that status hinges on the values and politics of the particular society in which you live.

Understanding the scale and scope of history helps us understand the equality of all people.

Bohemians upend the social order by refusing to participate in society in a traditional way.

Who should read Status Anxiety

Categories with Status Anxiety

Books like Status Anxiety

What our members say

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