What’s the silliest reason you’ve ever rejected someone? Have you ever broken up with a guy because … he hasn’t seen Casablanca?
At the time of writing, author Lori Gottlieb is 41 years old – a confident go-getter with a successful career. But she’s dissatisfied that she still hasn’t found the right guy.
In researching her book, Gottlieb spoke with a group of female friends in the same boat. With some life experience under their belt, they talked about great guys that they had rejected in the past, sometimes for trivial reasons.
There was the sweet boyfriend who brought his partner flowers, but they were always the wrong kind of flowers. There was a guy who was plenty attractive – but who had gross, untrimmed nose hairs that it seemed too awkward to bring up. Then there’s the guy who cried one-too-many times – one-too-many being twice. And finally: the guy whose partner said he “loved me too much” – he was so devoted to her that she concluded she must be pretty great. So surely she could do better.
Now with more experience, these women looked back on some of those calls with regret. These were guys who loved them, treated them well, and met 80% of their criteria.
So why did they walk away?
In retrospect, it was partly because – though great partners – they just didn’t seem to fit the mold of who these women thought they’d end up with.
Society pumps out romantic tales – in pop songs, movies, novels, and TV shows – that we imbibe from an early age. We’re flooded with images of attractive and successful people. We’re sold fairy-tale stories of romance, infatuation, and total devotion.
So people build a preconceived image of the perfect match. The right personality, occupation, interests; the right face, the right height. We become overly attached to this fantasy and judge real people against it.
Meanwhile, the culture of online dating encourages us to see the dating pool as inexhaustible. There could always be someone “better” around the corner. So why “lower your standards”?
After all, it seems natural that someone who searches for longer will end up with something better, right?
But do they? Not necessarily. Let’s look at why.
Marry Him (2011) is an honest, open and humorous quest for what it means to find the perfect man. It confronts common barriers to finding a partner, like chasing sparks over stability and the never-ending checklist of ideal qualities, and makes a case for rethinking what is important in a partner, drawing on scientific wisdom and often hilarious personal anecdotes along the way.
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Blink 3 von 12 - Eine kurze Geschichte der Menschheit
von Yuval Noah Harari
