Stop Self-Sabotage Buchzusammenfassung - das Wichtigste aus Stop Self-Sabotage

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Zusammenfassung von Stop Self-Sabotage

Name: Stop Self-Sabotage
Rating: 4.1 (339 reviews)
Author: Dr. Judy Ho, PhD

Dr. Judy Ho, PhD

Six Steps to Unlock Your True Motivation, Harness Your Willpower, and Get Out of Your Own Way

4.1 (339 Bewertungen)

16 Min.

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Selbsthilfe Zielsetzung Das Gehirn Menschsein Selbstvertrauen Erfolg

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Stop Self-Sabotage
in 7 Kernaussagen verstehen

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Kernaussage 1 von 7

What’s in it for me? Stop self-defeating habits to finally reach your goals.

How many times have you begun a new year with a resolution to change something in your life, only to realize it’s fallen by the wayside in no time? You may have found yourself setting the same goal year after year. “I’m really doing it this time,” you think.

Time passes, and instead of keeping up healthy eating habits or saving money you promised yourself you would, you find yourself indulging in junk food several times a week or blowing cash on an impulse buy.

Now what?

Well, to begin it’s important to look at the whys behind the pesky habits that keep popping up as roadblocks between you and your goals. First, self-sabotage is usually rooted in two key survival skills: attaining rewards and avoiding threats. Both of these drives help keep you alive and cause reactions in your brain that feel good. The trouble is when they get out of balance.

But don’t worry, no matter the desire that’s eluded you so far, you can begin pursuing it right now with Dr. Judy Ho’s six-step method in our Blink to Stop Self-Sabotage. You’ll learn how to think differently, act accordingly, and reach goals successfully. The method brings together Ho’s many years of clinical experience and scientific research along with several exercises for each step. In this Blink, we’ll get you started by covering all of the steps and at least one exercise for each.

Some of the toughest problems require a custom solution, and that’s what you’re working toward starting right now.

Step 1: tune into your thinking

There are six types of troublesome thinking, or triggers, that cause people to self-sabotage. To address them, you need to first identify them. We’ll do a quick exercise for that, but first, you’ll need to remember these terms and what they mean.

Overgeneralizing/catastrophizing means taking one fact and jumping to conclusions, usually bad ones. For example, have you ever thought a friend was upset with you simply because they hadn’t returned a text?

Shoulds-based thinking means relying too much on your own rules and expectations about how things should go. Like that friend you texted should have gotten back to you by now, regardless of what they may have going on.

Black-and-white thinking allows for only two possibilities and no in-between. Perhaps a colleague passed you in the hallway without greeting you, so you firmly conclude they’re a rude person.

Mind reading is simply thinking you actually know the thoughts or intentions of others. Maybe you didn’t get a promotion and you think that’s because your boss doesn’t care about your efforts.

Discounting the positive usually plays out in downplaying what’s good about yourself or things you’ve done. For instance, have you ever turned down a compliment instead of just giving a simple “Thank you?”

Personalization refers to any thinking in which you measure yourself against other people. In other words, when was the last time you scrolled social media?

Okay, we know that’s a lot of causes of self-sabotage, so here’s the exercise we promised you:

Break up your next 24 waking hours into four equally spaced blocks of time and set an alert for each. When the alarm sounds, grab a pen and jot down what’s on your mind. After you complete the fourth note, look back at all you wrote. Consider each thought within the context of the six types of thinking we just covered. Do any of your thoughts align with them? You can do this exercise over several days to spot triggers and look for repeat offenders to see which ones are affecting you the most.

Now you know what’s impacting your own life, you’re ready to move on to the next step.

Step 2: shutting down triggering thoughts

Let’s revisit that example of the unreturned text message. That was the center of a conflict for Alice, whose insecurity about dating and relationships goes all the way back to childhood. When Alice’s boyfriend took longer than usual to reply to a text, she jumped to conclusions and peppered him with questions about whether he was seeing other people or wanted to break up. Eventually, he did, after getting tired of these interrogations.

That story kept playing out for Alice until she learned how to look at it as a sequence and then do her part to change the outcome.

Step 3: changing your old ways

Now that you’ve done some work on how you think, let’s look more closely at what you do, or as Ho calls it, “learning your ABCs.” The A stands for antecedents, or events that happen before you act. The B comes from behaviors, or actions themselves. And finally, the C is for the consequences that follow.

Let’s see how it works with an example. Take Ho’s client Janie, who struggled to overcome a long history of procrastinating on work projects. She’d fill her time with other things, sometimes even productive ones like household chores or paying bills, and others not so much, like binge-watching a show. Even though Janie didn’t like the consequences of having to work all night and usually turn in work she knew wasn’t so great, she’d still somehow justify her process.

Step 4: going for the goal

You’ve identified exactly how and why you’ve been blocking your success. Even better, you have the tools for navigating around or removing those obstacles. Now it’s time to refocus your eyes on the prize, assess the path, and create a guide to stay on it. To do that, two things are essential: motivation and willpower. Ho offers exercises based on a method that combines two established psychology techniques, mental contrasting and implementation intentions, or MCII.

The first part, mental contrasting, works by taking a hard look at where you stand now in relation to your future goal, including anything between it and you. This helps you form manageable expectations to get you started and makes it less likely you’ll get frustrated and stop. Start with your goal and rate how much you believe you can achieve it, with 10 being most likely and 1 being not at all. Then, consider every potential challenge. Once you’ve done that, go back and reconsider the rating. If it’s below a 7, adjust your goal. You can change the timing or the outcome or even break your goal down into smaller steps.

Step 5: maintaining your focus

Even with a fresh mindset, new tools, and a solid plan, it’s inevitable that there will be unexpected struggles that threaten to blow you off course as you pursue your goal. You may even start down your path and begin to feel like something is off and start to wonder if your original goal is even worth pursuing any longer. No need to feel lost in these situations, you can replace any confusion with clarity by reminding yourself about your values and what matters most to you.

But do you have a firm idea of what your values are? While you probably have some idea, there are many exercises to help you hone in on what matters most to you. Let’s try one.

Step 6: crafting a visual plan

For this last step, grab all your notes, a poster board, and a Sharpie. You’re going to draw what Ho calls a “blueprint for change.”

First, give it a title and then draw five boxes in a row across the top, filling them with your top five values. Below them, draw a centered, bigger box. Use it to write the specific, attainable goal you came up with in step four. Then, draw lines from the goal to your values. Do they connect in real life? You may see another opportunity for tweaks to make sure they’re in alignment.

Final Summary

If you struggle with self-defeating behaviors you can win the battle with yourself by following a six-step process. It begins with becoming aware of thought patterns, shutting down triggers, and changing unwanted habits by examining and adjusting the situations around them.

That makes room to create new behaviors and routines that clear the path toward your goals. Practices to build motivation and willpower ensure you stay on course to reach success. Alignment with core values and creating a visual plan will sustain that success.

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Worum geht es in Stop Self-Sabotage?

Stop Self-Sabotage (2019) outlines a six-step guide to identifying and overcoming behaviors that counteract people’s ability to reach goals of all kinds. The clinically proven process includes exercises, practical advice, and real-life examples of how people have used the method to change their lives.

Wer Stop Self-Sabotage lesen sollte

Procrastinators
Anyone who struggles with motivation or willpower to achieve their goals
People looking to make positive changes quickly and efficiently

Über den Autor

Dr. Judy Ho, PhD is an accomplished, triple board-certified neuropsychologist, associate professor at Pepperdine University, private practitioner, and media personality. She’s twice received the National Institute of Mental Health Services Research Award. She’s appeared as a host and expert guest on many television programs, including The Doctors, Face the Truth, and The Dr. Drew Show.

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