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We Over Me summary

Khadeen & Devile Ellis

The Counterintuitive Approach to Getting Everything You Want from Your Relationship

3.8 (178 ratings)
15 mins

Brief summary

We Over Me by Khadeen & Devale Ellis is a memoir about how the couple's marriage survived struggles of fame, finances and parenting with the power of communication, compromise and commitment.

Table of Contents

    We Over Me
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    Putting “we” before “me”

    Do you want to feel better, more recognized, and more appreciated in your relationship? Well, stop thinking about yourself, and start thinking about your partner.

    This advice might not sound like it’s going to solve your problems. But believe it or not, it’s been tried and tested by Devale and Khadeen Ellis – the podcasting duo and social media sensations also known as “The Ellises.” 

    Here’s the rationale behind putting “we” before “me” in relationships. In any relationship you have to ask yourself, Do I have the desire and capacity to serve this person? So many people make the mistake of focusing on what their current or potential partner can do for them, whether it's to support them emotionally or provide for them financially. But if you’re only focused on what you can get out of a partnership, you’ll never grow as a couple. 

    You might feel that focusing on fulfilling your partner's wants and needs feels more like putting you before me than we before me. But guess what? If your partner adopts this same mindset, they’ll be doing the work to put you first, too. And when you’re both focused on serving each other, then you’ll lift each other up – and as a couple, you’ll reach far greater heights than you could have dreamed of reaching as individuals.

    In Khadeen’s words, marriage is a service-based industry. For your marriage to work, you both have to serve each other. Here are a few more counterintuitive lessons Khadeen and Devale have learned along the way:

    Not everyone is equipped for a relationship. If you’re someone who knows you can’t commit to serving your partner, be honest with yourself about that. And if you’re partnered with someone who can’t – or won’t – commit to serving you, it might be time to move on.

    Love isn’t easy. Sure, it might feel easy at first, when you’re riding that addictive high of novelty, romance, and lust. But beware anyone who tells you that your relationship should never feel like work. Without addressing problems, facing challengers, and navigating conflicts, your love can never last.

    You have to love marriage, not just a person. When you marry someone, you can’t just commit to them – you need to commit to the idea of marriage, too. People change. They surprise you. They disappoint you. When you commit to marriage as a concept, you commit to weathering those changes, those ups and downs, together – and coming to peace with the fact that the person who was your perfect soulmate on your wedding day, won’t always live up to that ideal. And neither will you. And that’s OK!

    Your marriage won’t solve your personal problems. Single people who spend a lot of time on dating apps often tell Devale and Khadeen how wild the modern dating world is – a jungle of inflated egos, unhealthy behaviors, and unresolved baggage. Guess what? Coupling up won’t cure any of those problems. If you’re in a relationship, use the tools you need – like meditation, journaling, and therapy – to keep working on yourself as well as your partnership.

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    What is We Over Me about?

    We Over Me (2023) is the story of the podcasting-and-influencing power couple Devale and Khadeen Ellis – in their own words. With trademark disarming honesty, the Ellises lay bare the struggles and successes that have shaped them as a couple, and share the strategies that allow them to thrive as a partnership. 

    We Over Me Review

    We Over Me (2022) is a captivating book that explores the joys and challenges of parenting as a team. Here's why this book is worth reading:

    • It offers practical advice on how to navigate the ups and downs of raising children as a couple, fostering a strong partnership for the benefit of the entire family.
    • Through the authors' honest and relatable stories, readers gain valuable insights into the complexities of modern parenting and find comfort in knowing they're not alone.
    • The book emphasizes the importance of communication, compromise, and teamwork, providing valuable tools for couples looking to build a harmonious and supportive parenting dynamic.

    Who should read We Over Me?

    • Single people looking for love that lasts
    • Couples who’ve lost sight of each other’s needs
    • Anyone who could do with a dose of unfiltered relationship advice

    About the Author

    Devale Ellis is a former NFL athlete turned actor. Khadeen Ellis is a makeup artist and content creator. Together, they host the phenomenally successful web series “The Ellises” and the podcast “Deadass with Khadeen and Devale.”

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    We Over Me FAQs 

    What is the main message of We Over Me?

    We Over Me emphasizes the importance of unity and teamwork in achieving success and overcoming challenges.

    How long does it take to read We Over Me?

    The estimated reading time for We Over Me is a few hours. The Blinkist summary can be read in just 15 minutes.

    Is We Over Me a good book? Is it worth reading?

    We Over Me is a compelling read that offers valuable insights on collaboration and community building. Highly recommended.

    Who is the author of We Over Me?

    The authors of We Over Me are Khadeen & Devale Ellis.

    What to read after We Over Me?

    If you're wondering what to read next after We Over Me, here are some recommendations we suggest:
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    • Talk to Me Like I'm Someone You Love by Nancy Dreyfus
    • The High-Conflict Couple by Alan E. Fruzzetti
    • Don't Overthink It by Anne Bogel
    • Us by Terrence Real
    • Read People Like a Book by Patrick King
    • Getting to Zero by Jayson Gaddis
    • 12 Rules For Life by Jordan B. Peterson