The Daily Dad Book Summary - The Daily Dad Book explained in key points

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The Daily Dad summary

Name: The Daily Dad
Rating: 4.6 (69 reviews)
Author: Ryan Holiday

Ryan Holiday

366 Meditations on Parenting, Love, and Raising Great Kids

4.6 (69 ratings)

16 mins

Topics

Education & Upbringing Family Life Wisdom Meditation Mindful Loving

Table of Contents

The Daily Dad
Summary of 7 key ideas

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Key idea 1 of 7

What’s in it for me? Meditate on a parent’s fundamental role in raising a child.

What does it mean to be a parent? Sure, you feed, clothe, and shelter your children – but that’s the bare minimum. There’s more to it than that.

Just a few generations ago, having a child was seen as an investment in your future. Keep them alive through the difficult bit, and you’ll eventually have an able set of hands to help you work the land. The idea of providing emotional care or unconditional love was a luxury that the times didn’t always allow.

Even today, many parents – particularly fathers – are denied an active, emotional presence in their children’s lives. Meanwhile, mothers are often given an unfair share of the responsibilities.

Whatever came before, and whatever expectations exist today, you have made a psychological and biological decision to bring another living being into this world. So now, how do you bring them up?

This Blink is about the fundamental essence of being a parent. Don’t expect tips or tricks for getting your toddler to sleep, or making your teenager listen to you. Those are important but incidental aspects of parenting. The advice you’ll find here is broader, and applicable to every stage of your child’s development.

With that in mind, it’s time to find out what it means to be a parent.

Show them what it means to do the right thing

Imagine you’re driving your car. Your child is sitting in the back seat, watching. You’re in a hurry to get home, so you drive a little bit too fast and get pulled over. Money’s tight, so you try (and fail) to talk your way out of the ticket. After the cop leaves, you mutter your annoyance and frustration under your breath.

To you, that might be just another stressful day. But your child was observing you the whole time – what lessons did they learn, or unlearn? You can’t stress the importance of following rules, then speed when it’s convenient. What’s the value of honesty if you lie to the officer to avoid a fine? Who can preach love and respect, then say bad things behind someone’s back?

The truth is, it’s not just isolated moments like this. Your children are always watching you from the back seat. They’re following you. And when you go off the path, so do they.

Let them see you doing the right thing – working hard, keeping a promise, being respectful. Take the stoic philosopher Socrates. Despite his wisdom, his greatest teachings came from his character and actions, not his words. Isn’t this the ultimate standard we should hold our parenting to?

Sometimes our children misbehave – they say a cruel word, or they make a choice that goes against the values we try to teach. Shocked, we wonder where they learned that. Rarely do we admit the obvious answer: we’re probably at fault.

So next time your child does something you disapprove of, ask them this: “Have you ever seen me do that?” Maybe you’ve been unconsciously or accidentally modeling an unhealthy behavior. But now you have a valuable learning opportunity to be better.

Your children are always watching. Let them see the right thing.

Love them with everything you have

Bruce Springsteen’s father didn’t say a lot to him during his childhood, nor did he express much affection. This left the singer thinking – even into his adulthood and successful music career – that maybe he hadn’t earned his father’s love.

Springsteen eventually fell into a deep depression. He took to driving past his childhood house, dwelling on the thing he was never given – the thing he felt he needed to fix. All the fame and success in the world couldn’t replace the unexpressed love of a father.

Family should always be your top priority

King George VI had an obligation and tradition. Every Tuesday at exactly 5:30 p.m., he would meet with his Prime Minister, Winston Churchill, and discuss national affairs. When his daughter, Queen Elizabeth II, took power in 1952, she promptly rescheduled this important weekly meeting to 6:30 p.m. You see, she had two young children – and she couldn’t miss bathtime.

No matter who you are, parenting is all about tradeoffs and sacrifices. You can throw all your effort into working to have enough money for your family, but this is going to cut into your own time to mentally recharge – and the quality time you could be spending with your kids. Likewise, focusing on just your family or leisure time can leave you without the money to fully support your endeavors.

Control your emotions and learn to be patient

We’re constantly presented with things we have to deal with: tasks to do, people to please, children to raise. Life can be hard and stressful, but we always have a choice in how we deal with it. When things go wrong, do we lash out in anger – or take a deep breath and approach the problem constructively?

We always tell our children they’re too old for the way they’re misbehaving. Too old to be sulking about dinner, too old to be getting others to clean their room. But we often forget to apply this same thinking to ourselves.

Constantly help them build character

The New Zealand All Blacks are one of the most successful and disciplined rugby teams – for good reason. They’re talented, tough, and very imposing. But there’s another factor to their reputation and success: they always tidy up their locker room after a game. They put things away; they sweep the floor. They look after themselves, and leave things nice and neat for the next person.

This principle also applies to parenting. You want your kids to be the best versions of themselves? Teach them to sweep up after themselves, or work on cultivating the kind of character that does. Because character is important. No matter how talented or motivated someone is, it counts for nothing if they’re weak in character. As the Greek philosopher Heraclitus said, “Character is fate.”

Help them become the person they’re meant to be

In ancient Greece, Lycurgus took two dogs from the same litter. He raised one in his home, and the other out in the hunting fields. It was only the outdoor dog that would choose to chase a hare instead of having its easily available food. Lycurgus used this principle of nurture to raise the children of Sparta to be warriors.

As a parent, your job is to nurture. This doesn’t mean creating superstars, or athletes, or the next in line for the family business – though that’s always a possibility. You’re nurturing your children into becoming who they are.

There’s nothing more powerful than a curious mind

There’s an important message that basketball coach Pete Carril would tell his younger players – one that he himself learned from his father. It goes like this: the strong will always take from the weaker, but it’s the smart ones that take from the strong.

Remember this – no matter what advantages of wealth, talent, or opportunity you may be born with, there’s a secret weapon that you can always use to get the upper hand: your brain. As a parent, your job is to teach your kid to use their brain.

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What is The Daily Dad about?

The Daily Dad (2023) is a philosophical meditation on the roles and responsibilities of parents. Presented as short passages to be consumed one day at a time, it draws on the author’s experiences of fatherhood, as well as the writings of history's greatest thinkers – from Plato to Bruce Springsteen. Whether you’re an expecting new parent or already living with a full nest, this wisdom and practical advice is timeless and applicable to all.

Who should read The Daily Dad?

New parents looking to cultivate a healthy and productive mindset for the momentous task ahead of them
Seasoned parents who want to raise their kids with the bigger picture in mind
Teachers, mentors, and other carers craving the best for their children’s future

About the Author

Ryan Holiday is a philosopher, writer, and father. His other works include the best-selling books The Daily Stoic and Stillness is the Key. He lives in Texas, where he runs a bookshop called The Painted Porch.

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