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Blink 3 of 8 - The 5 AM Club
by Robin Sharma
Listen to the Intro
The Invisible Orientation summary
Julie Sondra Decker
An Introduction to Asexuality
16 mins
What is The Invisible Orientation about?
The Invisible Orientation (2014) provides a helpful introduction to asexuality, including valuable information on both what it is and what it is not. You’ll also learn about how people experience this sexual orientation, the difficulties that come with it, and why there is no need to cure it, condescend to it or consider asexual people as being any different from you or me.
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The Invisible Orientation
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Key idea 1 of 6
Asexuality is a sexual orientation that describes experiencing a lack of sexual attraction to anyone.
If you’ve ever encountered someone and felt sexually enticed by his or her appearance, then you’re familiar with basic sexual attraction.
Let’s take a moment to define some terms, here. Don’t confuse sexual attraction with arousal, or sex drive, all of which are different things.
Sexual attraction simply refers to the emotional reaction of finding someone sexually appealing, whereas arousal describes a physical reaction and sex drive is the desire to respond to that arousal.
For many, this distinction isn’t that important, since these reactions usually go together, with one following the other: if you find someone sexually attractive, you are easily aroused and then feel the desire to pursue these feelings.
But there are also people who identify as asexual, which means they’re not sexually attracted to anyone. If you were to ask them who they find sexy, the answer would be “Nobody.”
Now this doesn’t mean they can’t get aroused or feel the desire to do something about it.
Yes, some asexual people are repulsed by the idea of having sex, but others are indifferent and might perform the act as a favor to a partner.
If an asexual person chooses to engage in sex or masturbation, that does not put an end to their asexuality. It’s important to remember that behavior is not what defines sexual orientation. Just like anyone else, asexual people are perfectly capable of having sex with people they don't find attractive.
In fact, asexual people might masturbate for the same reason most people do: because it feels good, and they want to enjoy the rush of endorphins or relieve stress.
And as with other sexual orientations, being asexual is neither a decision nor a choice. After all, no one can choose to find someone attractive; it just happens.
Others will often respond to an asexual person with condescension, saying, “Just wait, one day you’ll find someone attractive,” suggesting that the person doesn't fully understand his or her own feelings.
The fact of the matter is this: asexuality is a sexual orientation just like any other, since it describes how a person experiences attraction.
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Best quote from The Invisible Orientation
Approximately one percent of the population is asexual.
—Julie Sondra Decker
Who should read The Invisible Orientation?
- Anyone interested in how sexual attraction works
- Adults who are wondering about their sexual orientation
- Sociologists interested in the variety of human life
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