Powerful ideas from top nonfiction
Try Blinkist to get the key ideas from 5,500+ bestselling nonfiction titles and podcasts. Listen or read in just 15 minutes.
Start your free trial
Blink 3 of 8 - The 5 AM Club
by Robin Sharma
Listen to the Intro
Fault Lines summary
Karl Pillemer
Fractured Families and How to Mend Them
23 mins
Table of Contents
Fault Lines
summarized in 8 key ideas
Audio & text in the Blinkist app
Key idea 1 of 8
Six common pathways lead to family estrangement.
What makes someone decide that they’re done with a family relationship? That they just can’t carry on trying anymore?
Usually, that decision is spurred by a volcanic event like a fight. One woman stops talking to her mother after her mother verbally and physically attacks her for revealing she’s gay. Another man decides he wants nothing to do with his sister after she’s rude to his adopted son at a family reunion.
Events like these can lead you to decide, “I’m done.” This relationship is too complicated or harmful, and I’m better off without it. But even though volcanic events might be the final straw, they don’t come out of nowhere. There are always underlying dynamics that precede it – what the author calls “pathways to estrangement.”
The key message here is: Six common pathways lead to family estrangement.
So what kinds of underlying dynamics can lead to estrangement? The author interviewed hundreds of people and found that several instigators came up again and again.First, people were more likely to become estranged from family if there were traumatic events that had happened in childhood; for example, if a parent was neglectful or if they showed favoritism toward one child. Second, a major instigator of family estrangement is divorce. Children often get caught in the crossfire of their parents’ conflict and can end up losing touch with one parent. Third, in-laws can cause tension in families. For example, conflicts can arise if a new son-in-law doesn't get along with the rest of the family.
A fourth, very common instigator of estrangement, especially between siblings, is conflict over money and inheritance. Even if the estate is equally divided between the children, conflicts can arise over whether to sell a business or family home. Added to this, if for instance, one child has nursed her parents in her last years, she may feel entitled to a bigger share of the inheritance.
A fifth and major source of conflict in families is unmet expectations. For example, parents might expect their children to nurse them in old age and become upset if that doesn’t happen. Lastly, conflicts often arise if a family member has different values from the rest of her clan, for example, if she embraces a religion or political affiliation.
These underlying dynamics can easily set the stage for a volcanic fight to occur, leading to
estrangement, with the effects having widespread consequences for the whole family.
Want to see all full key ideas from Fault Lines?
Key ideas in Fault Lines
More knowledge in less time
Read or listen
Get the key ideas from nonfiction bestsellers in minutes, not hours.
Find your next read
Get book lists curated by experts and personalized recommendations.
Shortcasts New
We’ve teamed up with podcast creators to bring you key insights from podcasts.
What is Fault Lines about?
Fault Lines (2020) examines a common problem that no one talks about: family estrangements. Over a quarter of Americans experience being cut off from friends and family during their lifetimes, which has devastating psychological impacts. Fault Lines explores the common causes of estrangement and gives surprising and insightful advice on how to work towards reconciliation.
Best quote from Fault Lines
The volcanic event crystallizes everything that was wrong about the relationship.
—Karl Pillemer
Who should read Fault Lines?
- Anyone who’s experienced the pain of family estrangement
- Budding sociologists who are fascinated by human relationships
- Parents wanting to learn how to navigate conflict with their kids
Categories with Fault Lines
Books like Fault Lines
People ❤️ Blinkist
Sven O.
It's highly addictive to get core insights on personally relevant topics without repetition or triviality. Added to that the apps ability to suggest kindred interests opens up a foundation of knowledge.
Thi Viet Quynh N.
Great app. Good selection of book summaries you can read or listen to while commuting. Instead of scrolling through your social media news feed, this is a much better way to spend your spare time in my opinion.
Jonathan A.
Life changing. The concept of being able to grasp a book's main point in such a short time truly opens multiple opportunities to grow every area of your life at a faster rate.
Renee D.
Great app. Addicting. Perfect for wait times, morning coffee, evening before bed. Extremely well written, thorough, easy to use.
People also liked
Start growing with Blinkist now
26 Million
Downloads on all platforms
4.7 Stars
Average ratings on iOS and Google Play
91%
Of Blinkist members create a better reading habit*
*Based on survey data from Blinkist customers