<p>Who is the author of Fair Play?</p>

<p>The author of Fair Play is Eve Rodsky.</p>

Society & Culture

Fair Play Book Summary - Fair Play Book explained in key points

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Fair Play summary

Name: Fair Play
Rating: 4.3 (79 reviews)
Author: Eve Rodsky

Eve Rodsky

A Game-Changing Solution for When You Have Too Much to Do (and More Life to Live)

4.3 (79 ratings)

19 mins

Brief summary

"Fair Play" by Eve Rodsky is a practical guide for achieving household equality. It offers a system for dividing and balancing domestic tasks, leading to happier relationships and more fulfilling lives.

Topics

Love Gender & Sexuality

Table of Contents

Fair Play
Summary of 7 key ideas

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Key idea 1 of 7

What’s in it for me? Make your partner play fair.

If you’re a mother, are you doing more than your fair share around the house while your partner gets an easy ride? Are you the go-to parent whenever your child has a problem, is sick, or needs to be dropped off at her extra-curricular activities? If any of this sounds familiar, then you’re not alone. Despite strides towards gender equality in recent decades, the fact remains that most women who are married to men still find themselves burdened with the lion’s share of housework and childcare.

So how can you stop your partner from taking a back seat and make your family home a fairer, more collaborative place? These blinks will show you how to do just that. From packed lunches to garbage collection to moving house, you’ll discover how you can go from frustration to empowerment, and reclaim your most precious resource: your time.

In these blinks, you’ll discover

how much invisible work women are doing;
the effect “women’s work” is having on their mental health; and
why women need to reclaim their former passions.

When it comes to looking after the family, many mothers are doing more than their fair share.

The arrival of children can drastically change the dynamic of a marriage. Before Eve Rodsky and her husband started a family, they had an equal relationship. They shared household chores and both had time to focus on their high-flying careers. But when their two sons arrived a few years later, Eve suddenly found herself doing a lot more work than her husband.

And she’s not the only one. Once couples have children, many mothers find their lives become busier and more stressful, while their husbands’ lives stay the same.

Why does this happen? For starters, mothers tend to work what is known as the second shift. This refers to all the routine and unpaid work mothers do for their families over and above their regular jobs. Eve Rodsky’s second shift involved preparing her children’s packed lunches, doing the laundry, and grocery shopping. In contrast, most husbands tend to stick to one shift: their day job.

Secondly, mothers usually take on more emotional labor than their male partners. It often falls to mothers to maintain the family’s relationships and manage people’s feelings: to telephone the in-laws, to send birthday cards to relatives, and to soothe children when they’re unhappy. This thoughtfulness is often what being a great parent is about, but it’s exhausting for women to always be the one keeping everyone happy.

Women, who carry a constant mental to-do list of all their family-related tasks, shoulder an increased mental load. Eve Rodsky found herself overwhelmed by the never-ending stream of small things she had to think about once she had children: Is there enough food in the fridge? Have I packed my son’s gym bag? Does the babysitter know where to find everything? All these considerations can add up to mental overload, making moms anxious, fatigued, and more forgetful.

Despite all the extra tasks mothers do for their families, many of their efforts go unnoticed by their partners. This is why tasks that are traditionally performed by women, like household chores and looking after the children’s schedules, are often called invisible work. Your husband may never notice or appreciate that the bathroom is always stocked with toothpaste or that your children are always wearing clean clothes.

In the next blink, you’ll learn that while your second shift might be invisible, the negative consequences of this unfair situation are clear to see.

The second shift is costing women marital happiness, their well-being, and financial security.

After having children, Eve Rodsky found herself struggling to cope with all the demands placed on her. She was so caught up in what needed to get done that she rarely considered how the busyness and stress affected her well-being. When she began to investigate the mental impact of this extra work on women, she was shocked by what she found: The second shift takes a heavy toll on nearly every aspect of a mother’s life.

To start with, consider Eve’s marriage. Mothers tend to do more housework and childcare than their male partners, which often leads to resentment and feeling isolated within the relationship. Recent research backs this up, finding that women who do more invisible work than their husbands report lower levels of marital satisfaction.

You’ll never get a fair deal at home until you and your partner’s time is valued equally.

Eve Rodsky was just returning home after a particularly long day at the office. Hours earlier, her husband Seth had texted her that somebody had left garbage in their garden. When she pulled up to the house, Eve was furious to see that the garbage was still on the lawn. Clearly, Seth expected her to deal with it, even though he had been home for hours. Why? Sadly, the answer lies in differing attitudes toward men’s and women’s time.

Eve believes that her husband didn’t dispose of the garbage himself because it wasn’t a good use of his time, but he did consider it a good use of hers. Therefore, he valued his time more highly.

Mothers improve their lives drastically when they refuse to give up who they are.

Becoming a mother can completely change a woman’s identity. Ellen was a passionate interior designer who built her business from the ground up. But then she started a family. Encouraged by her husband, she sold her company, gave up design, and focused all her energy on her children and her household. Unfortunately, in the process, she lost something else too: the passionate, driven woman she had once been.

Ellen isn’t alone. With the extra demands placed on mothers, many women give up passions integral to who they are. Looking for the reasons behind gender inequality in the home, Eve spoke to hundreds of American women who had given up on their hobbies, interests, and passions. Why? Often, they simply felt too exhausted to pursue activities outside of their family life or careers. Worse, some of these women felt they no longer had permission, either from themselves or their husbands, to put their own interests first.

Understand who’s doing what with the “Fair Play” card game.

Many women suspect they’re doing more than their fair share of domestic labor. And if they’re anything like the average woman, they’re probably right. But wouldn’t it be great if both you and your partner could discover exactly how much each of you does for your family? Well, Eve Rodsky has devised a card game that will allow you to do just that. So take a deep breath and get ready to play “Fair Play” with your partner.

To play the game, create 100 playing cards. The cards will be organized into five different categories which make up the ecosystem of your domestic life.

When dealing the cards, take the time to understand which activities matter and to whom.

You and your partner have finally arrived at the point where you’re ready to shuffle the cards and deal the pack. This marks the beginning of the change you’ve been waiting for: working together as collaborators rather than score-keeping competitors.

With the stakes this high, it’s important to observe a few important ground rules.

Play fair by following the three-step system of conceiving, planning, and executing a task.

In one of Eve Rodsky’s interviews, a father proudly explained that he prepared all the evening meals for his family. But when asked how he found time to plan a weekly dinner menu and shop for ingredients, he looked at Eve blankly. “No,” he said, “my wife does all of that. My job is to cook.”

Like many people Eve spoke to, this father didn’t grasp the difference between conceiving, planning, and executing, or CPE: the three aspects of every household task.

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What is Fair Play about?

Fair Play (2019) explores gender inequality in the division of domestic labor and the impact of this inequality on mothers. Packed with practical advice, these blinks also offer couples a radical approach to reallocating domestic chores so that women married to men can get a fairer deal.

Fair Play Review

Fair Play (2019) by Eve Rodsky is a thought-provoking book that explores the dynamics of household and family responsibilities, providing a fresh perspective on the division of labor. Here's why this book is worth reading:

With its practical, actionable strategies, it offers a roadmap for couples to have open conversations and create a fair and equitable balance in their households.
By sharing real-life anecdotes and personal experiences, the book brings the concepts to life and makes them relatable and applicable to readers' own lives.
The book addresses an important and often overlooked topic, sparking meaningful discussions and inspiring readers to challenge traditional gender roles and expectations.

Best quote from Fair Play

We expect women to work like they dont have children and raise children as if they dont work.

—Eve Rodsky

Who should read Fair Play?

Busy working mothers
Fathers seeking a better work-life balance
Stay-at-home moms wanting to change their lives

About the Author

Eve Rodsky is an author, lawyer and graduate of Harvard Law School. Rodsky is also the founder of The Philanthropy Advisory Group, an organization that helps high net-worth individuals direct their funds to charitable causes.

Categories with Fair Play

Society & Culture Religion & Spirituality

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