Marriage, a History Book Summary - Marriage, a History Book explained in key points

Listen to the Intro

00:00

Marriage, a History summary

Name: Marriage, a History
Rating: 4.3 (27 reviews)
Author: Stephanie Coontz

Stephanie Coontz

How Love Conquered Marriage

4.3 (27 ratings)

15 mins

Table of Contents

Marriage, a History
summarized in 7 key ideas

Audio & text in the Blinkist app

Key idea 1 of 7

What’s in it for me? Immerse yourself in the surprising history of marriage.

We’re surrounded by conservatives lamenting the death of the good old traditional family with a breadwinning father, a stay-at-home mother and a brood of happy, healthy children (who’d never dream of questioning gender roles, of course). But how much of a “tradition” is this, really? Through the ages, marriage has actually served many different purposes. For instance, did you know that marriage as a bond of love is a rather new concept? The history of marriage is a strange and fascinating story – one that we should all be more familiar with.

In these blinks, you’ll also learn

why our cave-dwelling ancestors invented marriage;
that people once wanted more in-laws; and
how marrying for love caused hysteria.

Marriage was initially a way of establishing kinship.

Imagine marrying someone you don’t truly love. A frightening thought, right? Indeed, most of us would say that love must exist before marriage can take place.

Historically, this is a rather recent development. In fact, for thousands of years, love had little to do with marriage.

In medieval Europe, for example, when people talked about “love,” they weren’t talking about married couples. Rather, “love” was something reserved for God, kin or neighbors.

And in India, falling in love was once even considered dangerous. Romantic love was viewed as antisocial, an emotion that could lead people to make irrational decisions and challenge the authority of the family.

So if marriage wasn’t about mutual love between two individuals, what was it about? Why invent marriage at all?

The answer may sound strange to modern ears: marriage was a means of establishing kinship. But why was this something that people wanted to do in the first place?

Well, our hunter-gatherer ancestors were nomadic travelers, constantly searching for food. In this search, they would sometimes stumble upon strange and potentially hostile groups and a fight would break out.

Such fights could be avoided, however, if the bands made peace instead of threatening one another. They figured that one of the easiest ways to establish a reliable connection between the bands was to marry a member of one group to a member of the other.

Through intermarriage, complete strangers (and even enemies) could be transformed into relatives, thus establishing kinships that helped guarantee peace. With this in mind, it makes sense that the old Anglo-Saxon word for “wife” meant "peace weaver."

Marriage was a crucial tool for extending economic and political power.

For some people, the many benefits of marriage come with a serious drawback: in-laws. For our ancient ancestors, however, new in-laws were worth celebrating.

In fact, the goal of growing the family through in-laws essentially gave rise to the institution of marriage. After all, more in-laws mean more people to trade with, and so groups with family ties were more likely to prosper economically and thus more likely to survive.

The Enlightenment and wage labor made love the main reason for marriage.

For thousands of years, parents arranged marriages based on their family's social and economic interest. Strategic marriage was so crucial for a family's success that the very notion of letting the children decide whom (not to mention if!) they wanted to marry was simply unthinkable, especially if that choice was based on something as fleeting and irrational as love.

It wasn’t until the late eighteenth century that major economic and cultural changes, most notably the Enlightenment and the emergence of wage labor, freed the individual from the dictates of their family.

In the Victorian era, marriage became the locus of emotional fulfillment and sexual frustration.

After a long history of arranged relationships, love-based marriage was uncharted territory for nineteenth-century Western societies. Consequently, it was some time before people began expecting from marriage what we now assume it should provide: emotional and sexual fulfillment.

For millennia, marriage had been a rational – not an emotional – undertaking. But, during the Victorian era (1837-1901), more and more people started expecting romantic love and personal fulfillment from matrimony.

After World War II, the male breadwinner marriage reached its Golden Age.

When conservatives talk about the “good ol’ days” of marriage, they’re likely referring to the 1950s and ’60s.

Indeed, the 1950s and early ’60s were a special period in the history of marriage (at least in the Western world): never before in the twentieth century had so many people married so young.

In the 1970s people had more freedom to choose a way of life, and marriage began to falter.

Soon after the marriage frenzy reached its peak, it took a rapid downward turn. Throughout the 1970s, the number of marriages fell: people began marrying later in life, out-of-wedlock births increased and divorce rates rose steadily. During this decade, every second marriage in the US ended in divorce.

But why?

Though modern marriage is changing rapidly, it’s not doomed.

Take a second to think about all the young married couples you know: it should be more than obvious that they differ significantly from the couples of previous generations!

Today, the division between male-as-breadwinner and female-as-homemaker is no longer the cultural norm. It’s much more common for both partners to be earners.

Want to see all full key ideas from Marriage, a History?

Key ideas in Marriage, a History

More knowledge in less time

Read or listen

Get the key ideas from nonfiction bestsellers in minutes, not hours.

Find your next read

Get book lists curated by experts and personalized recommendations.

Shortcasts ^New

We’ve teamed up with podcast creators to bring you key insights from podcasts.

What is Marriage, a History about?

Marriage, a History (2005) covers the history of the institution of marriage, from its genesis in the Stone Age to its recent crisis.

Best quote from Marriage, a History

For centuries, marriage did much of the work that markets and governments do today.

—Stephanie Coontz

Who should read Marriage, a History?

People interested in social history and women’s studies
Couples considering marriage
Proponents of “traditional” marriage

About the Author

Stephanie Coontz is an author, social historian and professor at Evergreen State College. She also serves as the Director of Research and Public Education for the Council on Contemporary Families, and has published several other books on family issues and gender, including The Way We Never Were.

Categories with Marriage, a History

Sex & Relationships Society & Culture

Books like Marriage, a History

Sacred Cows

Danielle Teller and Astro Teller

The Truth About Divorce & Marriage

12 min

3.1

Why Marriages Succeed or Fail

John Gottman

And How You Can Make Yours Last

The Proven Power of Being Kind to Yourself

The Case for Settling for Mr. Good Enough

The 4000-Year Quest of Judaism, Christianity and Islam

A Groundbreaking Way to Restore Balance, Happiness and Productivity

The Mind Management Program for Confidence, Success and Happiness

Successful Habits of Visionary Companies

Sexual Strategy for Men and Insight Into the Red Pill Ideology

The Hidden Determinants of Human Behaviour

18 min

4.2

The Overthinking In Relationships Fix

Rodney Noble

Toxic Thoughts That Can Destroy Your Relationship And How To Fix Them

How the Courage to Be Vulnerable Transforms the Way We Live, Love, Parent, and Lead

20 min

4.5

The Millionaire Fastlane

MJ DeMarco

Crack the Code to Wealth and Live Rich for a Lifetime!

16 min

3.8

Reinventing Your Life

Jeffrey E. Young and Janet S. Klosko

The Breakthrough Program to End Negative Behaviour...and Feel Great Again

The East India Company, Corporate Violence, and the Pillage of an Empire

30 min

4.5

Breaking The Habit of Being Yourself

Joe Dispenza

How to Lose Your Mind and Create a New One

What If God Designed Marriage to Make Us Holy More Than to Make Us Happy?

21 min

3.2

How Big Things Get Done

Bent Flyvbjerg and Dan Gardner

The Surprising Factors Behind Every Successful Project, from Home Renovations to Space Exploration

The Power of Knowing What You Don't Know

22 min

4.6

Attached

Amir Levine and Rachel S. F. Heller

The New Science of Adult Attachment and How It Can Help You Find – and Keep – Love

15 min

4.2

A Year in the Life of William Shakespeare

The Perfectionist's Guide to Losing Control

Katherine Morgan Schafler

A Path to Peace and Power

16 min

4.5

100 Million Years Of Food

Stephen Le

What Our Ancestors Ate and Why It Matters Today

17 min

3.9

How Not to Die

Michael Greger and Gene Stone

Discover the Foods Scientifically Proven to Prevent and Reverse Disease

23 min

4.5

Rethinking Narcissism

Craig Malkin

The Bad – and Surprising Good – about Feeling Special

A Sociological Explanation

12 min

3.5

A Short History of Nearly Everything

Bill Bryson

A journey into the most intriguing and intractable questions that science seeks to answer

38 min

4.5

The Distracted Mind

Adam Gazzaley and Larry D. Rosen

Ancient Brains in a High-Tech World

A Brief History of Humankind

27 min

4.4

The Lessons of History

Will Durant and Ariel Durant

The celebrated collection of essays compiling over 5,000 years of history by two of the greatest thinkers of our time

America in 100 Charts

15 min

4.3

Co-opetition

Barry J. Nalebuff and Adam M. Brandenburger

A revolutionary mindset that combines competition and cooperation; The Game Theory strategy that’s changing the game of business

16 min

4.0

The Answer to Anxiety

Joyce Meyer

How to Break Free from the Tyranny of Anxious Thoughts and Worry

You Can Fix Your Brain

Dr. Tom O'Bryan

Just 1 Hour a Week to the Best Memory, Productivity, and Sleep You've Ever Had

19 min

3.9

The End of the World Is Just the Beginning

Peter Zeihan

Mapping the Collapse of Globalization

21 min

4.5

Economics: The User’s Guide

Ha-Joon Chang

Everything you need to know about economics.

Escape 9–5, Live Anywhere, and Join the New Rich

The Secret to Achieving More with Less

18 min

4.4

The All-or-Nothing Marriage

Eli J. Finkel

How the Best Marriages Work

20 min

3.7

The Nazi Conspiracy

Brad Meltzer and Josh Mensch

The Secret Plot to Kill Roosevelt, Stalin, and Churchill

Uncover Your Power and Set Yourself Free

The Revolutionary Generation

26 min

4.6

The Devil in the White City

Erik Larson

Murder, Magic and Madness at the Fair that Changed America

Work, Love and Play When No One Has the Time

The New Science of Everyday Wonder and How It Can Transform Your Life

12 min

4.3

The Emotional Lives of Teenagers

Lisa Damour

Raising Connected, Capable, and Compassionate Adolescents

21 min

4.8

The Longevity Project

Howard S. Friedman and Leslie R. Martin

Surprising Discoveries for Health and Long Life from the Landmark Eight-Decade Study

The Dangers of the American Dream During the Great Depression

15 min

4.4

People ❤️ Blinkist

Sven O.

It's highly addictive to get core insights on personally relevant topics without repetition or triviality. Added to that the apps ability to suggest kindred interests opens up a foundation of knowledge.

Thi Viet Quynh N.

Great app. Good selection of book summaries you can read or listen to while commuting. Instead of scrolling through your social media news feed, this is a much better way to spend your spare time in my opinion.

Jonathan A.

Life changing. The concept of being able to grasp a book's main point in such a short time truly opens multiple opportunities to grow every area of your life at a faster rate.

Renee D.

Great app. Addicting. Perfect for wait times, morning coffee, evening before bed. Extremely well written, thorough, easy to use.