How to Be a 3% Man summary

Your friend, Frank, is smitten. He met a gorgeous girl named Zoe at a bar. After buying her drinks all night and multiple tries at her phone number, Frank finally got it. After a few days, she got back to him and though she altered their plans a few times, she eventually went out on a date with him. When their date ended, they didn't even hold hands or share a goodnight kiss. And to top it off, she's now only responding to a portion of his calls and texts. Still, Frank is convinced she’s the one. He’s sure if he tries hard enough, she’ll fall for him.

Most of us know someone like Frank. Maybe it’s you. Frank is breaking a key rule when it comes to romantic endeavors: Don’t waste your time with women who aren’t attracted to you. Had Frank possessed a deeper understanding of women, he would have been able to pick up on all the signals that Zoe was sending him which indicated that she wasn't genuinely attracted to him – not giving her number right away, changing plans, no physical contact, or not replying to his calls.

Discovering the ideal woman for you, and cultivating a joyful and affectionate relationship is more of an art than a science. You have to read subtle changes in situations and feelings – and then adapt on the fly. That being said, there are some specific hints and guidelines that you can use for opening lines, initial small talk, and asking for her phone number.

We’ll start, naturally, with the opening line. You should approach that attractive woman with confidence because you’ve practiced. You’ll be comfortable because you know there are plenty of fish in the sea. Simply say, "Hi. What's your name?" without offering your own name right away. If she responds with her name, say, "Okay, Anne, it's nice to meet you," without offering your own name. However, if she expresses further interest by asking for your name, then you know there's some level of attraction there. On the other hand, if she responds with a simple "Thanks" or "Nice to meet you, too," it's likely that she's not interested, and you should move on. Remember, there are plenty of fish in the sea!

In the classic 1996 movie "Swingers," there's an iconic scene where Mike (played by Jon Favreau) calls a woman he met earlier that night and proceeds to leave multiple messages on her answering machine. Unfortunately, he ends up making a fool of himself and unbeknownst to him, the woman had been listening to all of it. Eventually, she picks up the phone and tells him to never call her again.

Now that you have her number, don’t be like Mike. When do you call? The answer is simple: wait for three days. So, if you met her on Friday, call her on Tuesday. This strategy helps create a sense of mystery, assures her that you're not overly needy, and gives the impression that you're a busy and in-demand individual - all pluses when it comes to attracting a potential romantic partner.

James is a hopeless romantic who envisions taking women on extravagant dates, lavishing them with compliments, and impressing them with his numerous accomplishments. Unfortunately, he's still young and just beginning his career, which means that he doesn't have the financial means to do all that he dreams of. He assumes that his dates will be a complete failure due to his limited resources, but he couldn't be more mistaken.

First dates shouldn’t be lavish. Spending too much money or being too complimentary might come off as desperate, or even as a bribe for sex. Engaging in approval-seeking behaviors such as boasting about your income or vacations can make you appear needy.

It's important to treat all women the same way by being a gentleman, reading their cues, and making them smile. This will help build trust and confidence in yourself. Next, don't waste your time pursuing women who aren't interested in you, as it won't lead to a happy relationship. Instead, approach women at private events or in public places with a light-hearted conversation and positive attitude. Once you've exchanged numbers, wait three days before calling and keep the conversation short and friendly. Finally, for first dates, keep things light and positive by asking questions and engaging in activities that allow for conversation and physical contact. Remember, each woman you meet teaches you something about the right match for you, so don't be discouraged if things don't work out.