The Happiness Trap summary

The mind is an incredible thing. It helps you shape your environment to your exact liking and conjures solutions to your most complex problems. 

However, your mind can also lead to your downfall. That’s because of the thinking self’s never-ending broadcast of thoughts and images, most of which are unhelpful and don’t motivate you to build the fulfilling life you’re after.

This may come as a surprise, but emotions are not what you think they are. Just as thoughts are merely words, emotions are merely sensations – physical changes happening in your body. These sensations then get labeled by the thinking self, and this label, in turn, becomes the word that we associate with that sensation. For instance, your thinking self says that sweaty hands and a fast heartbeat mean anxiety, or that a jittery stomach means you’re in love. Take away those judgments and opinions, and what you get is simply complex body changes. 

Emotions play a big part in your journey to creating a fulfilling life because there will inevitably be times when you encounter difficult emotions like fear, sadness, and embarrassment. No matter how hard you try, you can never get rid of them entirely. What you can do, however, is stop wasting time wallowing in your unpleasant feelings and instead redirect your attention to what really matters. 

Have you ever found yourself lost in thought? Say you’re on a fancy dinner date. Your attention isn’t on the food or what your partner is saying. It’s on the meeting with your boss yesterday, or the movie you’ll be watching later that night.  

That’s exactly the work of your thinking self. All throughout the day, it incessantly throws random thoughts at you, either about the past or the future. At least one of those would surely reel you in. 

A rich and fulfilling life is one driven by values. But what exactly are values? 

At its core, a value is something you stand for – it’s what’s important to you, and speaks to what sort of person you want to be. It’s what gives you a sense of purpose. 

You’re finally at the last principle of Acceptance and Commitment Therapy. You already know how to tune in to your observing self and how to use defusion, expansion, and connection to change the way you view unpleasant thoughts and feelings. You’re also done determining what your values are. 

Now it’s time for the last principle – taking values-guided action. This starts with writing down your values. Yes, identify them again – but this time, list only the ones from which you feel most disconnected. These are the values you want to have but aren't putting into practice yet. You’ll be working on them first. 

Unpleasant thoughts and feelings will come up in your pursuit of a rich and meaningful life – but with the help of the six core principles of Acceptance and Commitment Therapy, you can change the way you handle these thoughts and feelings. 

Just reading about the six core principles isn’t enough, however. You need to apply them to your daily life as well. Take action. A life of purpose and satisfaction awaits.