Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus summary

Before Martians and Venusians came together, they lived through a simultaneous wave of depression. Times were rough. But then the Martians glimpsed the Venusians through a telescope. They received an invitation to visit – and finally felt needed. So the Martians came out of their depression, emerged from their caves, built a fleet of spaceships, and traveled to Venus. Anticipating the Martians’ arrival, the Venusians felt cherished. Their depression lifted and they began preparing. 

Here on Earth, things are similar. When a man feels needed by his partner, he’s motivated to be the best he can be. He is no longer selfish; instead, he acts out of true care, not for personal gain. On the other hand, a woman is motivated by care and validation. When she feels cherished by her partner, she has more love to give. 

Conflict between men and women can be caused by something that occurs in cycles: their different, and natural, reactions to intimacy. As we’ve learned, men sometimes need to pull away from their relationships. Women may instinctively want to respond by getting closer. But by forcing intimacy, they may actually undermine it. 

It’s entirely normal for women to feel low sometimes. Men may think that this hints at a problem, and rush to fix it. But problem-solving is not what women need in those moments. 

At different times in our lives, we all need different kinds of love. But do we always recognize what sort our partner needs most? 

Relationships become easier when couples understand each other’s six primary love needs. The author offers a list. For men, these needs are trust, acceptance, appreciation, admiration, approval, and encouragement. Women, for their part, need caring, understanding, respect, devotion, and validation.

We probably all know couples who argue all the time. We also know couples who appear quiet on the surface, though there’s a lot of hidden stress and repressed feeling behind this façade. Both extremes can quash love.

The closer we are to someone, the more easily we can hurt them, and the easier it is for them to hurt us. So, the author recommends avoiding arguments altogether. But how do you do that? Well, he suggests starting with root causes of arguments. 

Remember the Mars and Venus metaphor from the previous blinks? 

On Venus, everyone instinctively looks for ways to support one another. The more a Venusian loves someone, the more she wants to support that person. The motto on Venus is, “Love is never having to ask!”