What Matters Most summary

Sometimes you meet someone who changes the way you see the world. Working with the dying, Button has had many epiphanies, but one person stands out in particular. Floyd showed her how to be a doula, honoring every emotion. Above all, he taught her the importance of listening – truly connecting with others.

When Button and Floyd first met, he was lonely. He was in his late 80s, living alone in the farmhouse which he had once shared with his wife of 60 years. Now he was dying of kidney failure, and he hoped that talking to Button would help him. Perhaps he could regain some emotional energy, and start to socialize a little.

Another one of Button’s clients who made an impression was a man named Roger. Eighty-year-old Roger had worked as a dairy rancher and was now dying of lung cancer. 

It wasn’t Roger who contacted Button, but his daughter, Jessie. “Dad says he’s fine,” said Jessie, “but he’s not.” The family knew that Roger had spent his life bottling up his emotions. Now that he was dying, maybe it would help him to get some things off his chest.

The stories we’ve looked at so far have involved people in their eighties. But sadly, Button’s work sometimes involves younger people – even children. She once worked with Rosie, a six-year-old with terminal cancer.

Rosie’s parents were struggling. Not only did they have a child who was terminally ill, they also had three other young children. Button stepped in to help, taking Rosie and her siblings to the park, and organizing arts and crafts sessions.

Through her work with the dying, Button has learned so many lessons – the importance of connection, being honest with yourself and others, and enjoying the present. In turn, she helps her clients to prepare for a peaceful death. One way she does this is through specific exercises, which help people focus on what really matters.

These are exercises that you can try yourself, right now. Even if death feels like a distant prospect, there’s a lot to be gained from doing some reflection now, and working out what matters most to you. Remember, living well helps us to die well.

Let’s finish by looking at another key exercise Button uses with her clients. She also uses it herself about once a month, as she finds it helps her to keep a clean slate. It’s called “the final checklist.”

While that might sound a little daunting, it’s a simple exercise – six questions to contemplate. Rather than wait till the end of your life to think about these things, why not do it now?