Stay Sexy & Don't Get Murdered Book Summary - Stay Sexy & Don't Get Murdered Book explained in key points

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Stay Sexy & Don't Get Murdered summary

Name: Stay Sexy & Don't Get Murdered
Rating: 3.1 (31 reviews)
Author: Karen Kilgariff and Georgia Hardstark

Karen Kilgariff and Georgia Hardstark

The Definitive How-To Guide

3.1 (31 ratings)

19 mins

Brief summary

'Stay Sexy & Don't Get Murdered' by Karen Kilgariff and Georgia Hardstark is a memoir and self-help book that emphasizes the importance of empowering oneself and prioritizing mental health in order to stay safe and happy in life.

Topics

Memoirs

Table of Contents

Stay Sexy & Don't Get Murdered
Summary of 7 key ideas

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Key idea 1 of 7

What’s in it for me? Get advice from the women behind America’s hottest true crime podcast.

When Georgia Hardstark and Karen Kilgariff met at a Halloween party in 2015, they discovered that they shared a passion for true crime stories and tales of real-world evil. A friendship immediately blossomed and they decided to start a podcast to explore these subjects. Since then, My Favorite Murder has become an international hit with millions of listeners. The success of the podcast has led to sold-out live shows and a book deal.

Both Georgia and Karen overcame major obstacles, including mental health issues and eating disorders, which shaped the way they see the world today. In these blinks, you’ll hear their never-before-told stories. Along the way, you’ll learn lessons that you can apply to your own life.

A short warning before we begin: The following blinks contain explicit language.

Trigger warning: violence, sexual violence, death or dying, Sexism and misogyny. A potentially disturbing scene occurs in blink 7.

In these blinks, you’ll find out

how Georgia became a “Murderino”;
why it’s never too late to start therapy; and
why victims are never to blame for a murder.

When it comes to your well-being, screw politeness – but don’t blame yourself if you fail to take action.

As everyone knows, it’s hard being a kid. This was certainly the case for Georgia Hardstark, whose worries about things like her flat chest and her hyperactivity led her to suffer from low self-esteem. But when she discovered the underground feminist punk movement known as Riot Grrrl, Georgia threw her doubts aside and became a fearless, outspoken feminist.

Riot Grrrl helped Georgia realize that kindness was not the same as remaining polite when people tried to take advantage of her. She learned to say “fuck politeness,” especially when it came to predators. For example, at a bar late one night, a man bought her a shot in spite of her persistent refusal. Instead of accepting the drink politely, she poured it onto the floor in front of him and went home.

But even while Riot Grrrl was helping Georgia become a strong, assertive woman, she discovered that it isn’t possible to be courageous in every circumstance. After graduating from high school in 1998, Georgia moved from Orange County to Los Angeles and worked as a waitress. One day, one of her regular customers, a middle-aged man named Lawrence, showed her his photography portfolio and asked if he could take her picture.

She was flattered and even dressed up for the occasion in platform sandals, a tight shirt and extra makeup. But when Lawrence suggested that he drive them to a picturesque lookout in the Santa Monica Mountains, Georgia intuitively felt that something wasn’t right. Still, not wanting to disappoint him, she agreed to the plan.

Riding in Lawrence’s car, Georgia feared that she was about to become a murder victim. And on the cliff, Lawrence’s uncharacteristically soulless gaze confirmed that she was right to be afraid. But she continued to play along, and even agreed when Lawrence asked her to take her shirt off for a picture. In the end, Lawrence didn’t harm her, and drove her back to the parking lot where they’d met. As soon as they pulled in, Georgia jumped out of the car and ran away.

Georgia was so ashamed that she had let Lawrence photograph her shirtless that she didn’t tell anyone about the incident until bringing it up on My Favorite Murder years later. With the help of her therapist, Georgia came to realize that while self-advocacy is important, mastering it takes practice. Like the many victims she read about in true crime stories, failing to stand up for herself in a frightening situation didn’t mean that she was to blame for another person’s actions.

Being healthy requires good friends and positivity, but it may also require therapy.

If you spend any amount of time on the internet, you’ll know that the concept of self-care, or treating yourself well, has gained traction in recent years. The majority of self-care advocates recommend prioritizing your health by taking up yoga or adopting a vegan diet. But for Karen Kilgariff, self-care is simply about taking responsibility for your problems with the support of therapy and close friends.

Karen had a full-time job that was consuming all of her energy. In conversations, she would blame others for anything that went wrong and gossip about these experiences with other coworkers. She’d then sometimes cope with her guilt about oversharing by pivoting to blaming her confidants!

A teenage shoplifting incident taught Georgia the importance of friends and family.

As the child of a single mother whose meager income and child support barely covered the bills, Georgia couldn’t afford the luxuries that her Orange County classmates enjoyed. It wasn’t easy wearing relatives’ hand-me-downs, so it was no surprise when Georgia developed into a rebellious 13-year-old with a shoplifting habit.

For Georgia, stealing was a way of taking back what she felt was rightfully hers. Using the deep pockets of the Levi’s jean jacket that she had received as a Hanukkah present, she shoplifted her first G-string, pricey shampoo, multiple boxes of Marlboro Red cigarettes and a Red Hot Chili Peppers cassette tape.

Georgia’s decades-long obsession with true crime stories preceded her friendship with Karen.

Ever wonder how the voices behind My Favorite Murder became obsessed with true crime? Well, Georgia’s interest in the subject dates back to her early encounters with horror fiction in the 1980s. After watching the movie adaptation of Pet Sematary, Georgia became fascinated with the genre and began reading Stephen King books such as Christine and The Dead Zone. Right away, she became addicted to the feeling of fear that the stories induced. She also quickly grew to value the way in which books kept her company.

Around that time, she read The Stranger Beside Me, a biography about the serial killer Ted Bundy written by Ann Rule. She became immediately hooked on real-life crime stories. Though she wouldn’t know the term until someone coined it on the My Favorite Murder Facebook page over two decades later, she became a Murderino that day – a true-crime fanatic.

A lifetime of therapy taught Georgia not to fear a diagnosis.

As we’ve learned, Karen started going to therapy as an adult and realized that it’s never too late to benefit from professional counseling. Georgia, on the other hand, has been seeing a therapist since she was six years old, shortly after her parents divorced.

She still finds therapy a helpful mechanism to cope with life, and continues to learn new things about herself in her sessions. One valuable takeaway she’s had from therapy is that being diagnosed with a disorder doesn’t mean disaster. Over the years, Georgia has been diagnosed with anxiety, ADHD, depression and OCD. But whereas some people might panic after being told they have a psychological condition, Georgia knows that a diagnosis is in fact a positive thing.

Before becoming a full-time comedian, Karen worked her fair share of odd jobs.

When it comes to personal safety – or “how not to get murdered” – Karen and Georgia agree that one of the best ways to watch out for yourself is to become self-sufficient. In other words, you need to learn how to pay the bills and feed yourself with a job.

On her journey to becoming a stand-up comedian, Karen had her fair share of odd jobs, As a high schooler, she worked as a clerk in a frozen yogurt shop. At this time she had an eating disorder, which led her to binge on food to deal with the stress of teenage life. But since all the cool girls had jobs at the yogurt shop, it didn’t occur to her that working with sugary foods might not be the best fit.

We need to shift the conversation from victim blaming and find creative ways to identify and stop killers.

When Georgia and Karen started My Favorite Murder, they wanted to analyze true crime stories and identify ways that women could learn to protect themselves from predators. On the show, they offered lessons and safety advice inspired by each murder they covered. However, many listeners criticized this, pointing out that their advice could also be seen as victim blaming. Suggestions like “never get into a car with a stranger” imply that anyone who does so is to blame if something bad subsequently happens.

Taking the criticism onboard, Georgia and Karen sought to shift their approach to true crime. One story they covered proved particularly helpful in understanding the problem with victim blaming.

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What is Stay Sexy & Don't Get Murdered about?

Stay Sexy & Don’t Get Murdered (2019) details the personal lives of the women behind the hit true crime podcast My Favorite Murder. Spanning their formative experiences and the things they learned while making the show, this book shares the stories that shaped the authors into who they are today.

Who should read Stay Sexy & Don't Get Murdered?

Self-improvement junkies
Fans of My Favorite Murder
People dealing with mental health issues

About the Author

Karen Kilgariff is a comedian, sitcom writer, podcast personality and television producer. She’s appeared on Conan, Mr. Show and The Book Group and has written for TV shows such as Baskets and Portlandia. Her musical comedy album Live at the Bootleg was named one of Vulture’s Best Stand-up Specials of 2014.

Georgia Hardstark is a food writer, podcaster and television presenter. Together with Alie Ward, she’s hosted several shows for the Cooking Channel, including Classy Ladies and Tripping Out with Alie & Georgia.

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