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by Robin Sharma
10 Habits to Turn Toxic Conversations Into Healthy Dialogues
Habits of a Peacemaker delves into cultivating peace through daily practices. Steven T. Collis provides insights on transforming conflicts and fostering harmonious relationships, encouraging personal change as a catalyst for broader societal peace.
When Collis was nine, he mistakenly used his mom’s hair-removal product, thinking it was mousse. Confident in what he was doing, he proudly styled his hair, only to realize later that patches of it began falling out. He thought he knew enough, but that small misunderstanding led to an embarrassing problem.
His story is a reminder to us all of the first habit of a peacemaker: Practice intellectual humility and reframing. Collis mistakenly assumed he understood the product he was using – so don’t assume you know everything when entering a conversation. Recognize how little you may know, and stay open to learning. This will prevent you from jumping to conclusions that can lead to unnecessary conflict.
Make sure to reframe conversations, too. Instead of trying to win an argument, direct the discussion toward finding solutions. Ask questions and encourage others to share their perspectives. Doing so turns confrontations into opportunities for growth and mutual understanding.
Even if you’re an expert, avoid relying on your authority to steer the conversation. Use your knowledge to help others, but keep in mind there’s always more to learn. Approach each discussion with the goal of collaboration, and you’ll create an environment where real progress can be made.
The second habit of peacemakers is to seek real learning, which means recognizing that knowledge is created through collaboration and dialogue. Think of Sir Isaac Newton, who famously said, “If I have seen farther, it is by standing on the shoulders of giants.” Newton didn’t discover gravity in isolation; rather, he built upon the work of scientists like Kepler and Galileo. He recognized the importance of learning from those before you and being open to the insights of others.
But today’s world presents new challenges to real learning. Technology companies and foreign actors manipulate your brain’s dopamine system – the chemical that makes you feel good – to keep you hooked on your devices. Every notification or social media update gives you a quick hit of pleasure, but this can distract you from deeper, more meaningful learning. To counter this, free yourself from constant phone use and find fulfillment in more natural activities, such as time spent in nature or meaningful conversations with loved ones.
When engaging in dialogue, be cautious with catchphrases or slogans, too. Rather than reacting immediately, ask questions to understand what they mean to the other person. This keeps the conversation open and constructive. Similarly, don’t rely solely on news fed to you through social media, which often reinforces your biases. Instead, seek out diverse and reliable sources to stay well-informed.
While technology can be a great tool for acquiring facts, remember to use it thoughtfully. Don’t let it shape your views hastily. Form conclusions slowly and adjust your opinions as new knowledge emerges. Lastly, recognize that real learning comes in many forms. Some people find wisdom through spiritual practices, and whether or not you share their beliefs, it’s important to respect those perspectives. Peacemakers understand that learning, in all its forms, is a shared and ongoing process.
Habits of a Peacemaker (2024) provides practical habits to help individuals engage in productive, respectful conversations, even on divisive topics. It emphasizes building relationships through open dialogue and offers tools for managing challenging discussions with civility and understanding. By fostering these habits, you can bridge divides and bring peace to your personal and professional life.
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Try Blinkist to get the key ideas from 7,500+ bestselling nonfiction titles and podcasts. Listen or read in just 15 minutes.
Start your free trialBlink 3 of 8 - The 5 AM Club
by Robin Sharma