Radical Compassion summary

More than 2000 years ago, the Buddha crossed northern India teaching a message of compassion and freedom. He didn’t journey alone, though. Mara, the god of hatred and greed, followed him the length of his travels.

But, interestingly, each time Mara appeared, the Buddha didn’t fight him off. Instead, he would approach the demon and calmly say, “I see you Mara. Come, let’s have tea.” In doing so, the Buddha displayed the first two steps of RAIN: Recognizing and Allowing.

In the 1950s, an order of monks had to move their massive, beloved statue of the Buddha. It got damaged in the process, and the outer surface of clay cracked and ruptured. What the monks saw astonished them: the cracks revealed that underneath, the Buddha statue was made of solid gold.

The monks believe the outer shell of clay was added hundreds of years earlier, to protect the treasured Buddha during a time of war. They also believe there is a lesson to be learned from this story.

Lazy, unlovable, a failure. Harsh words like these are painful and dispiriting. Unfortunately, many people hear these judgments all the time – and not from some bully or outside antagonizer. They hear this criticism from themselves.

The key message here is: In order to grow we must leave behind negative beliefs about ourselves.

Here’s a familiar story: a wealthy father has two sons. The younger one asks for his inheritance early. He leaves home and proceeds to spend all of it on an extravagant lifestyle. A few years later, broke and penniless, the son must return home with nothing but his shame.

The father doesn’t turn him away, though. Instead, he rejoices. He welcomes him back with forgiveness and open arms.

A child once suffered from chronic nightmares. Every night, he dreamed he was being chased through the woods by a giant unseen monster. One night, however, having had enough of these nightmares, he resolved to face his fear. In the dream, he stopped and turned to look at the monster. As soon as he did, the creature disappeared and the nightmares ceased!

This story offers an important insight into how negative emotions work. When we try to avoid feeling them, they often just become more powerful still.

Max, a wealthy and powerful CEO, came to Brach with a problem. He called it FOMO, or Fear of Missing Out. Rather than enjoying the successful life he’d built, he was always preoccupied with the next thing: a vacation, a new tech gadget, or an upcoming project. He felt he couldn’t be happy.

To Brach, FOMO sounded like a modern term for a very old affliction; having too much desire. To help Max with his endless pursuit of more, she offered him a classic koan from the Zen poet Ryokan: “If you want to find the meaning, stop chasing after so many things.” 

Imagine yourself at the end of your life. When you look back at the people and relationships who defined your decades in this world, what do you see? Were your interactions based on love and openness, or anger and judgment?

These were the questions that faced Charlotte, one of Brach’s older students. After facing a period of poor health, she realized that too many of her relationships were still defined by past arguments and animosity. Moved by this perspective, she sought to open her heart to forgiveness.

The Babemba people of South Africa have a curious custom for when an individual does something cruel or selfish. After someone acts out, the community places them in the center of the village. Then, one by one, each member of the community speaks to them.

Do they berate them for their mistakes or call out their faults? No. In this exercise, every person in the village lists all the times the accused has been kind, loving, or just. Rather than looking for the bad, they choose to remember the good. This is how the community heals.

A man takes a flight from Lagos to South Africa. As he boards, he notices that the two pilots are black. At first, he thinks nothing of it, but when the plane hits rough turbulence, he gets scared. He wonders, “Do these pilots have the necessary skills to land safely?”

A quick conclusion we could draw from this story is that this man is racist. But, the person described here, was, in fact, Archbishop Desmond Tutu, who won the Nobel Peace Prize for his anti-apartheid activism. It was clear he had unconsciously absorbed some of our society’s worst stereotypes, and was practicing Unreal Othering.

One of Brach’s fondest memories comes from a meditation retreat she attended with Zen master Thich Nhat Hanh. At the end of the retreat, Hanh instructed each pupil to embrace a partner. As the pairs held one another, the master offered this reminder: both of you will die.

This wasn’t a morbid gesture. It was a loving reminder that life is fleeting and each and every moment is precious.