Sex for One summary

Dodson was a classically trained artist who drew sensual nudes – until her sexual reawakening. Then she began to channel her erotic ideas into her artwork, exhibiting them for the first time in 1968. She fretted initially about the reception, but her large charcoal drawings of lovemaking were a hit. She sold most of them, and people engaged with the work on a personal level. Complete strangers kept approaching Dodson, eager to share their own sex histories.

She learned that women were more open to exchanging sex information with each other than men. They were eager to discuss their fears and ask questions, while men projected a cool, masculine image. Since men were expected to have sexual prowess already, they were far less willing to admit ignorance. This kept them from learning and exploring. Dodson grew convinced that women would have to be the ones to usher in freedom of sexual expression. 

Growing up, Dodson thought her genitals were deformed. One of her inner labia was shorter than the other, and she was self-conscious about it until she met Blake. He was shocked by her fears, and to demonstrate to her that she was perfectly normal, he retrieved a stack of soft-core porn magazines featuring a diversity of “split beavers” – the term then used for a woman’s genitals held open. After 30 minutes of poring over the magazines, Dodson learned for the first time how varied female genitalia could be.

A few years later, Dodson created a photography show titled “Creating an Aesthetic for the Female Genitals.” It consisted of twenty slides of her friends’ “split beavers,” and she presented it at the 1973 NOW Conference on Women’s Sexuality. Over a thousand women gave her a standing ovation. Afterward, many told her that they felt seriously changed. One woman even experienced such a self-esteem boost that she asked her boss for a raise – and got it!

Three years of attending women’s groups made it clear to Dodson that sex was a core feminist concern. It had the power either to liberate or to enslave women. So in 1973, she and Laura decided to set up a new consciousness-raising women’s group focused on bodies and pleasure, called the Bodysex Workshops.

The highlight of every workshop was always the “Genital Show and Tell.” First, Dodson would “split her beaver” and recount her old fears of genital deformity. Then everyone else would display their genitals and air their own concerns.

By practicing masturbation, Dodson learned that orgasms are personal, varied, and ever-evolving. She also discovered that our mental and physical health can interfere with the flow of our sexual energy. Dodson’s early orgasms were like little hiccups because her erotic sensations were blocked by feelings of guilt, anger, and self-pity, as well as constant hangovers, lack of exercise, and bad nutrition.

But once she altered her lifestyle, made the decision to embrace sexuality, and started experimenting, her orgasms soared.

Dodson kept receiving requests to do a Bodysex Workshop for men. She said no at first, but the role reversal of being a woman teaching a group of men how to masturbate intrigued her.

She eventually agreed. But it took some trial and error before she figured out what resonated with her male attendees. For example, they didn’t speak easily about themselves or their sexual fears – they mostly spoke in abstractions. She tried to get a discussion going about penis size to little response. They were uninterested in Genital Show and Tell, since they said they’d already seen other penises in bathrooms and locker rooms.

We all struggle with moments of low self-esteem, body shame, and insecurity about sex. But we can begin to heal these wounds by loving ourselves mindfully and exploring what turns us on. Dodson designed a ritual to this end – which you can practice in its entirety, or from which you can pick and choose different steps.

Throughout the ritual, you may want to experiment with different fantasies and props. Things like lubricant, electric massagers, vibrators, dildos, and butt plugs – or anal dildos – can accompany you on your lifelong sexual relationship with yourself. You may enjoy dressing up in something sexy – let your sexual personas emerge.