The 11 Laws of Likability summary

Everyone has a different set of attitudes, beliefs, goals and values but authenticity – generally speaking – is the same for all people. It simply means being true to yourself. So how can you know if you’re being authentic or not?

One way is to gauge whether you feel awkward or not in a situation: being authentic feels natural whereas being inauthentic doesn’t. Usually, being authentic feels so natural that you don’t notice it, which makes it hard to define. On the other hand, when you’re not being authentic, you’re likely painfully aware of that fact and feel uncomfortable and exhausted by it.

Have you ever felt obligated to go to an event you didn’t want to attend? We’ve all been there and often we go because we think we should.

But unless you either want – or absolutely must – go to an event, you’re better off not going. Your authentic self will only emerge when you make the choices that you want to make, not the choices you should make. By only attending events that you want to attend, you can stay true to your authentic self.

Have you ever walked away from a conversation with someone and felt like he was totally fake?

Perhaps because his body language wasn’t in sync with his words, an error that you should be certain to avoid.

For a lot of people, striking up a conversation with a total stranger can be terrifying. Maybe you’re too focused on avoiding saying stupid things, or maybe you feel like you have nothing to talk about. Whatever the case is, don’t sweat it: if you don’t know what to say, just show an honest curiosity about the other person’s life.

Showing genuine interest in someone’s job, hobbies, opinions and life is a great way to start a conversation. So, if you don’t know anything about the other person, just ask easy questions, such as about their favorite TV show or sport. Often all you need is one topic to get the ball rolling.

Did you know that cultivating good listening skills boosts your natural likability? Well, it does, and you need to know how to do it.

There are three levels of listening: namely, inward listening, outward listening and listening intuitively. All three serve different functions in a conversation and are important for fostering connections as they make people feel heard and understood.

People are comforted by what they know. So finding similarities between yourself and others will make you feel more at ease with them and boost their likability.

So you can look for common friends, interests and backgrounds or shared experiences and beliefs to form a basis for connecting with the other person.