Exactly What to Say summary

If you’ve sent some business materials in advance of a meeting, or it’s the second time you’re seeing a person after pitching your idea, you still need to keep control of the conversation. A good opening phrase in such situations is “I guess you haven’t got around to …” This allows the other person to save face. So, for example, if the person had said they need to consult their partner, you could say “I guess you haven’t got around to talking to your partner, yet.” In this scenario, the person will either be proud that they have actually done it or be embarrassed that they haven’t. 

At the end of your presentations, how often do you close with, “Do you have any questions?” Many people do, but what this question does is create an expectation in the other person that they should have a question and feel stupid if they don’t have any. If you change the wording to “What questions do you have for me?” the other person either has a question or has no questions at all. If the former, you can provide the answer, and if the latter, then you’re closer to closing your deal.

There are two types of people in this world, people who immediately put into action what they hear about, and those who do nothing. We’re sure you already identify – or want to identify – with the first group of people. The moment the phrase “two types of people” is uttered, the voice in your head or anyone else’s says, “I must be one or the other,” and of course, you and they want to pick the more favorable choice.

I bet you’re a bit like me: you’d rather be working on something productive than flicking through Netflix in the evenings. Even if, in this case, you’re not like me, those words are powerful when it comes to getting someone to agree with you. If the person disagrees with you, it’s a useful tool to gather information about the person you’re presenting to. And when they do agree, it takes away possible future objections – especially if it comes to saying they don’t have time for the opportunity you’re offering them.

Imagine for a moment that you’ve gone back in time to when you were a child. You’re at the beach and there’s a rocky outcrop from which you can jump into the sea. You’re with other kids, too, but none of you wants to be the first to jump. Eventually, the first brave kid leaps into the water and lands with a splash. As soon as everyone sees the big smile on the first kid’s face and the fact that they’re not hurt, everyone wants a go.

You see, the thing about us humans is that we like to be followers and we trust in safety in numbers. And that’s where our next magic words come in: most people. When we use those words to describe a situation to someone, their subconscious says that if most people do that, then probably they should too.

It’s Friday night, and you really want to meet up with your friend at the movie theater. They decline saying they can’t get there because their car is at the garage. You can overcome this objection using an “If I can… Will you?” structure, so, “If I can pick you up and drop you off afterward, will you be ready at 8:00 p.m.?” This simple technique also works in negotiations, on price for instance – “If I can match that price, will you be able to place an order?”

Getting someone to say yes when they’ve been heading toward no is a pretty difficult task. What you really need to do is get them to switch to maybe first. How can you do that? Try steering them back toward your idea using the words, “Before you make your mind up …”

Using the right words at the right time makes all the difference. We’ve covered a lot of words and situations, but there’s something you really need to remember: these magic words will work with most people most of the time, but not with all of the people all of the time.

Don’t be discouraged when they don’t work for you. Keep practicing! The more you use them, the more they’ll become second nature. Eventually, armed with these magic words – and your dedication, ambition, and drive – instead of counting conversations, you’ll soon be having conversations that count.