The Six Pillars of Self-Esteem summary

Because self-esteem is so important for our consciousness, it’s worth looking into the topic a bit more, starting with the fundamental ideas it is based upon.

Self-esteem really comes down to something quite simple – we all have a right to be happy. From this, it follows that high self-esteem sees us assert this right and take steps to achieve it. On the other hand, when we let our right to happiness be overridden, we have low self-esteem.

So what do we have to do to build self-esteem? It’s not as abstract as you might think. Let’s examine the six pillars which will guide us.

It begins with a shift in mind-set. If we want to improve our self-esteem, we must first start living consciously.

Self-acceptance, self-responsibility, self-esteem. The first two are so bound up in the third that it’s a little hard to see the difference – the fact that they share the same prefix doesn’t help! But the difference is clearer than you think. Self-acceptance and self-responsibility are things that we do so that we can increase our self-esteem as a result.

When we choose to value ourselves, we’re practicing self-acceptance, the second pillar of self-esteem.

“I have a right to exist” – it’s a statement you can agree with, right? Now here’s a challenge for you: say those words out loud. Even when you’re on your own, doing this feels a little embarrassing. But why?

Most of us don’t realize this, but we often struggle to assert such a basic right. To highlight this, the author asked his class of psychology students if they believed that they had a right to exist. Everyone agreed, but when asked to say that statement out loud, they tensed up and even sounded fearful.

How do you want to live your life? Many would say “with purpose and integrity.” As it turns out, these two qualities are also vital pillars for healthy self-esteem.

As we build our confidence, it’s essential that we first take responsibility for our goals. By asking yourself what you want and where you want to go, you’ve already started to take the fifth pillar of self-esteem, living purposefully, as your guide. But that’s not enough. You have to continue to monitor your own progress.

So far, we’ve explored the self-esteem-bolstering actions and mind-sets that lie within our own power. But there’s another factor that can be hugely influential on our self-esteem – the people that have been with us from the beginning of our lives, our parents.

Parents can make it both easier and harder for a child to develop self-esteem. A study by psychologist Stanley Coopersmith found that while parental factors such as social class, money, education and geography didn’t contribute to a child’s self-esteem, the quality of the relationship did.

So far we’ve seen how self-esteem can be useful in our personal lives. But what about the workplace?

There’s been a surge in entrepreneurship in recent decades: by the late 1980s, up to 700,000 new enterprises were being founded every year, compared to only 100,000 during the peak years of the 1960s. With this entrepreneurial explosion came an urgent need for leaders and employees who were capable of self-direction, personal responsibility and initiative. These are all traits fostered by high self-esteem.