Love More, Fight Less summary

Let’s start this section off with an example. 

Andrew and Megan are thriving in a lot of ways. They both earned promotions within the last year, and they just closed on a house in their dream neighborhood. They’ve been together for five years and remain great friends, but Megan’s sex drive has slowed down since her promotion and the increase in responsibilities and hours. The couple thought things might return to normal after a few months, but nothing has changed, and Andrew is getting frustrated that his romantic efforts have been seemingly ignored.

Here’s another scenario. 

Chris is careful with his money. He sticks to a budget, saves for retirement, and has a nearly perfect credit score. His boyfriend, Jason, is a different story. He has a tendency to overspend and lives paycheck to paycheck. Since they moved in together, the two of them have been bickering about household spending and saving for a shared future.

Here’s one final example.

Emily and Zoe often have issues when they take their kids to Emily’s parents’ house for Sunday dinner. Emily’s brothers and their wives are usually there,  too, along with their kids, and the house is loud and chaotic. Plus, Emily’s parents and brothers all drink, which increases the volume and adds a little more discomfort for Zoe. She grew up with a quiet single mom who never drank, and she gets overwhelmed by Emily’s family, who are loving but loud about it. By the time they get home from Sunday dinners, Emily and Zoe regularly wind up in their bedroom arguing behind a closed door so the kids don’t hear.

Conflict happens in every relationship. Healthy couples have the communication skills needed to effectively handle those conflicts with love and compassion.

It’s okay if you both came into the relationship with very different ideas about how to communicate. New, constructive skills can be learned with practice and patience, and they can replace old destructive habits. It’s possible to have calm and productive conversations around sensitive topics like sex, money, and family, even when there’s conflict involved. It’s even possible to have a healthy relationship with unresolvable issues, as long as you and your partner can communicate about it with kindness and understanding.