Name: What's Going Right
Rating: 4.5 (49 reviews)
Author: Paul Conti

Introduction

What’s in it for me? Discover a new approach to a strong and balanced mindset.

Mental health never feels quite as straightforward as physical health, does it? If you want to improve your body, you know the routine: exercise, eat well, sleep, repeat. But emotional well-being isn’t so obvious. You may’ve even tried therapy, medication, or various self-help techniques and found little benefit. When that happens, people often start blaming themselves instead of realizing that mental health, like physical health, requires patience, flexibility, support, and a deeper understanding of how the mind actually works.

In this Blink, we’re going to give what is hopefully a fresh and understandable perspective on human nature and how it pertains to mental health. At the center of this approach is an inner drive – known as the generative drive – which is often neglected even though it relates to the most human of needs, like creativity, connection, and meaning.

As we’ll see, mental health isn’t just a matter of managing fears and anxieties. It’s finding your own, personal path toward a more grounded and intentional life shaped by self-awareness, resilience, purpose, and the ability to genuinely engage with the world around you.

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Introducing your self

Let’s start with a simple, straightforward question: Who are you?

Okay, admittedly, it’s maybe not the simplest question in the world. But it shouldn’t be one that we’re totally unfamiliar with, either.

And yet, most of us will move through life while spending very little time considering who we are. We’re too busy tending to our daily obligations and being distracted by anxieties and routines. In fact, we can be so wrapped up in reacting to problems as they arise that, before long, it can feel as though life is happening faster than our ability to comprehend it all. Ultimately, we tend to rely on instinct more than reflection, and as a result our sense of self gets fuzzy.

So again, let’s start by trying to reconnect with that fundamental understanding. Take a moment to think about how you might describe yourself in just one word. This can be a revealing little exercise because the answer often speaks to the emotional lens with which you currently see yourself. The word might carry a sense of pride, confidence, or hope. Or, it might hint at exhaustion, resentment, shame, or uncertainty.

Thinking about that word, and considering what it might say, is a way of dipping your toe into the waters of self-reflection. And when it comes to mental health, it’s essential that we gain insight into why we think certain thoughts or repeat certain patterns. Without this understanding, even our best efforts are bound to end up scattered and ineffective. In other words, you’re guaranteed to be frustrated if you intend to fix your life while remaining a stranger to yourself.

Key to the kind of transformative introspection that is being promoted here is a mix of honesty and positivity. When we can look past the usual self-criticisms, we often discover strengths that have been there all along: courage, vulnerability, authenticity, and resilience. Growth frequently begins when we stop asking, “What’s wrong with me?” and start asking, “What’s going right?” So here’s another question to consider: “What has happened to me, and how have I adapted to survive it?”

We’re going to be asking a lot of questions like this. All of which are designed to get you closer to your unconscious mind, and the layers that make up your self – the old experiences, emotional imprints, fears, desires, and learned beliefs that inform your everyday thoughts and behaviors.

This way, we’ll get a strong sense of who we are – the self that navigates conversations, relationships, ambitions, disappointments, memories, and hopes for the future. This is the understanding that creates the possibility for meaningful change. Thoughts will become less mysterious and our reactions will become less automatic. From here we can begin to shape life from the inside out.

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The five unconscious functions

So much of human behavior is driven unconsciously. We often react long before we fully understand what caused the reaction. But that doesn’t mean we can’t develop a better awareness of those motivations.

Part of this process involves recognizing the different parts of what the author calls the function of self. There are five parts to consider. They are, in order of importance: your self-awareness, your defense mechanisms, your salience, your behaviors, and your strivings.

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The influential power of the generative drive

In this section we’re going to talk about your drives. These are the powerful internal forces that are pushing us forward and shaping our lives, whether we realize it or not. The author identifies three of them. There’s the assertion drive, the pleasure drive, and perhaps most important of all: the generative drive.

The thing to keep in mind as we talk about these three drives is balance. When one or more is either depleted or unchecked, your life will feel unbalanced and your mental health can respond accordingly.

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Tracing the roots of self-sabotage with self-inquiry

Now that we’ve covered the main factors in what drives us and the different aspects that make up our self, let’s start digging into some of the steps we can take to break our old, unhelpful, self-sabotaging patterns.

At the risk of sounding like a broken record, it must be said that the process of self-improvement begins with self-inquiry. Real growth requires us to become deeply acquainted with who we are as individuals – not the polished public-facing version of ourselves, but the complicated, evolving person underneath it all. The more truthfully we understand that person, the easier it will be.

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Being a psychological archeologist

Let’s take a minute to talk about intrusive thoughts and feelings. Shame, stress, and anxiety are things that most of us will have some familiarity with, but let’s look at ways in which we can better deal with them the next time they arrive.

One of the author’s clients, Sarah, was tired of feeling stuck. A lot of this had to do with her fierce inner-critic, and the intrusive thoughts that told her she didn’t deserve good things – that she was a loser.

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Four qualities to keep the drive alive

Many people spend years taking care of everyone except themselves. That was the story with Monica, another of the author’s patients. She would even cancel her own doctor’s appointments, in addition to denying her own personal passions, in the belief that she was being responsible and caring. But through self-inquiry, she came to realize that caring for herself didn’t threaten her goodness. In fact, self-neglect can leave us weak and unable to care for the ones we love.

This brings us to a few more interconnected qualities that lie at the center of mental health stability. They are: empowerment, humility, agency, and gratitude.

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Keeping the balance healthy

Now, before we wrap up, let’s touch on a few more qualities that can keep your generative drive strong. These are the kind of qualities that you’ll find in people who move through life with a kind of steady brightness. They remain curious, generous, engaged, and emotionally present long after many others have grown bitter, isolated, or exhausted. Their energy feels grounded. They create things and pay attention to the beauty around them. They show up for people and always seem to be genuinely interested in the day ahead.

That kind of presence comes from three valuable emotional states: peace, contentment, and delight.

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What's Going Right summary