Love Life summary

Not so long ago, a female friend of Hussey’s went through a break-up. After seven years and no proposal, she decided she’d had enough. 

The woman soon got into another relationship, which also ended. Then she started seeing someone else. And when that didn’t work out, she moved onto the next one.

It seemed to Hussey that his friend was choosing these men almost at random.

She not only had a fear of being single; she tended to get swept up in a love story. 

And it’s like that for so many of us. Each new romance is a new story, where you get to play a starring role.

We all love love stories. Titanic, for instance – we can’t help but be captivated by the story of Jack and Rose. 

But the thing about Titanic, and all the other enchanting romances, is that they’re not real life.

Love stories distract from the essential elements that make relationships last. According to Hussey, we need to look beyond these narratives, and focus on what truly enriches a partnership.

If you’re looking for a long-term, committed relationship, you need to ask yourself – what’s really worth valuing? What should you be looking for?

Hussey has come up with a useful framework to help assess potential long-term partners. He calls it “the four levels of importance.”

The first level is admiration. You feel drawn to the person, and there’s some basic attraction. That’s nice, of course, but it’s not important. It doesn’t mean there’s a solid foundation for a deeper connection.

Moving up, the second level is mutual attraction. This can feel like a big deal because of its intensity and rarity. When someone we like reciprocates our feelings, it's thrilling, and we can quickly start dreaming of an epic romance. 

However, mutual attraction can be misleading. There’s no guarantee that both people will ultimately want the same things.

The third level, commitment, is where things start to really matter. Commitment means more than just attraction – it represents a joint decision to build a future together. 

Without this mutual agreement, a relationship lacks a foundational pillar. Think of it this way. When you’re dating someone, it’s like you’ve found this nice plot of land together. There’s potential. You could build a house here – even a castle.

But is the other person a builder? Without a builder, there’s no house, no castle: no relationship, in other words.

That brings us to the fourth level.

For a long-term relationship, the essential factor is compatibility. Lasting relationships rely not just on attraction or commitment, but on how well the personalities, values, and life goals of the two people mesh. 

You also need to consider how you and your partner manage conflicts, and if you enjoy everyday life together, with all its ups and downs.

Compatibility is essential. That’s what turns a love story into a life story – something real and enduring.