The Overthinking In Relationships Fix summary

Overthinking happens when you give too much thought to something that shouldn't need that much mental energy. It brings out your obsessive side that's filled with chaos and negativity, and this spills into your relationship. 

For instance, your partner makes a passing comment about a previous romantic interest. From an outsider's perspective, it's not really that big of a deal, but your mind starts racing with questions about whether they still love their ex or if they're just with you because you're the convenient choice. This can cause you to start interrogating your partner, sparking explosive disputes that could have easily been avoided.

There are two primary patterns of overthinking that can manifest in your relationship. The first one is when you ruminate about the past, constantly dwelling on the same issue and the negative feelings associated with it. This issue can range from something as small as your partner’s minor shortcoming to something as big as an event that significantly impacted your relationship. You find it difficult to let go of this problem, and it keeps playing on repeat in your head. As a result, you slowly become detached from your partner and have a hard time living in the present.

The second pattern of overthinking is when you worry about the future. This is a normal feeling to have, but once you start stressing about it more often than necessary, that's when it turns into a problem. Common worries that people have involve fear that their partner might cheat, break up with them, and choose another person over them. There are also worries about not being good enough for their partner, and their partner not being "the one."

Overthinking doesn’t just come out of thin air – it's often rooted in one issue: relationship anxiety, or the negative feelings you have about your relationship. Relationship anxiety can stem from a range of factors, such as constant bickering, doubts about the future of the relationship, and even nonexistent problems you create in your head. You know you're suffering from relationship anxiety when you start questioning your worth to your partner, second-guessing your compatibility, and overanalyzing your partner's every move.

In response to this anxiety, you may become one of two things: dependent or avoidant. Dependent people rely heavily on their partners for every little thing. They have an extreme need for communication and support, so much so that they resort to abusive and controlling behavior just to get their partner’s attention.

Avoidant people, on the other hand, turn to isolation. They have a tendency to keep their needs to themselves for fear of being turned down. Because of this nature, it's harder for them to establish and nurture intimate connections with others.

While overthinking does have a big impact on the relationship, it isn’t the only thing that gets affected, as you’ll find out in the next section.