Marriage Be Hard summary

Sex. There’s a lot to talk about – in fact, it’s probably one of the relationship areas that requires the most communication. That’s because our wants and needs are often drastically different from our partners’. And if you don't discuss these things, how will you know each other's desires? These kinds of conversations are tough and can seem awkward at first, but it's important to have them all the same. 

Many individuals, including Melissa and Kevin, are raised with a stigma around sex. In their case, they knew they wanted to wait until marriage to have sex. But their conversation had always been focused on that part – they’d never been told what to do after they were married. This created a lot of unhealthy expectations on the individual level, and as a couple.

Having expectations on marital roles – or the roles each person fulfills in a relationship – without having an open discussion about them can be damaging.

Traditional marital roles portray women as the ones who stay home and take care of the house and kids while the husband goes out and works. These roles have become a little more equal in modern times, but many people still live with the expectation that they already know who will do what and where.

We all have expectations about what we want out of marriage, which are often informed by what we’ve experienced or been taught in the past. But expectations can have a detrimental impact on marriage, especially when it comes to sex and marital roles. Expressing your feelings, and talking about your expectations on a continual basis, is critical in maintaining a healthy relationship.

After all, marriage isn’t easy work. Just because you married your best friend, the person you love the most, does not mean you two will know what the other is always thinking. Constant communication is the key to staying in touch with each other – and with reality.